


My Spirk One-Shot Collection, Part 2

by IvanW



Series: Ivan's One-Shot Collection [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: First Time, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Unrequited Love, collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-02-14 04:38:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 54,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2178243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my second collection of one-shot Kirk/Spock stories. All Kirk/Spock. All the Time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Staring

Over the course of the last several chess games, Spock had noticed the captain staring at him more often than not. At first Spock had believed Kirk was trying to figure out Spock’s strategy for beating him at chess, which Spock usually did. But after Kirk’s gaze slid away from Spock for the tenth time in a row after Spock caught the captain staring, Spock began to believe there was more behind the frequent looks than he’d surmised.

At first, Spock had thought to ignore it. If Kirk had wished to broach some subject with Spock, he would do so. But on the sixth night of the same intense stares, Spock took a chance.

“You have a query?”

“What?” Kirk looked startled, his blue eyes wide, his cheeks pink.

“Do you wish to ask me something?” Spock asked.

“Um. No. No. Nothing.”

Spock nodded and let it go for the moment and stood to obtain himself tea from the replicator. But with his back turned, he could still feel the weight of the captain’s gaze. When he turned around, Kirk’s gaze shifted back to the chess game.

He returned to his seat. “Captain.”

“Yeah?”

“There is something bothering you.”

“No, Spock.”

“The evidence suggests otherwise.”

Kirk frowned. “Evidence?”

“You have been watching me.”

Kirk blinked and suddenly stood up. “You know, I think it’s time to go back to my own quarters. I’m really not in the mood for chess.”

Spock reached out to stop him with a hand on the captain’s sleeve, but his fingers slipped from the sleeve when the captain tugged his arm and stroked over bare skin at Kirk’s wrist. His fingers tightened there.

 _Anxiety, nervousness, trepidation, desire, love, confusion_.

Spock tilted his head but he did not release Kirk’s wrist. “I feel your emotions.”

“What?” Kirk tugged at his wrist.

“They are strong.” Spock’s fingers caressed the pulse point. “And they are directed toward me.” He lifted his gaze to Kirk’s. “You fear me?”

“No. No, I—”

“Captain…Jim. I would never harm you.”

“Spock, I don’t.”

“But I feel your anxiety. And your…love.”

“And that’s enough of that.” Kirk tugged harder. “Let go of my wrist, Commander. Now.”

Spock released him. “You are in love with me.”

“No.” Kirk laughed. “No. I’m going.”

“I felt it.”

“I don’t know what you felt, Spock,” Kirk said, looking vaguely panicked. “But that is not it.” He moved toward the door. Spock blocked the exit with his own body between the door and Kirk. “Hey!”

“I do not wish for you to leave.”

“Tough. I’m going.”

“Captain—”

“No, Spock!” Kirk was practically shouting now. “You don’t get to rip me apart like this. Analyze me like I’m one of your lab experiments. What I feel—whatever it is—is my business. Not yours. Stay out of my fucking head.”

“I do not want to stay out of your fucking head.”

“What?”

“Jim, surely you must know.”

“Know what?”

Spock’s hand shot out and grabbed Kirk’s chin and for a minute the fear made an appearance in his blue depths. Spock shook his head. “You do not need to fear me ever again. There is no one I hold more closely to my heart.”

He touched his lips to Kirk’s, softly, tentatively. He thought it possible Kirk would attempt to leave again. But instead Kirk’s tongue darted out and traced Spock’s lips.

“Touch telepaths are annoying,” Kirk murmured, even as his arms came up to ensnare Spock’s neck. “Except when they’re not.”

“That makes no sense.”

Kirk nodded. “Probably not.”

Spock wrapped his arms around Kirk. One around his waist and the other one just under his ass and lifted him away from the door and toward the bed.

“Hey, are you trying to get me into your bed?”

Spock nodded, feasting on Kirk’s lips. “If you are amenable.”

Kirk growled against Spock’s mouth. “Oh, I’m very amenable. Are you gonna get all strong and Vulcany on me?”

Spock arched a brow and tossed him on the bed. “That is the plan.”

Kirk smiled his sexy smile. “I’m yours.”

“You soon will be.”


	2. Bad Cadet

“Where are you going now?” Bones demanded.

“Back to the dorm,” Jim told his friend curtly. “Our dorm.”

“But don’t you think you should…” Bones grimaced, looked at Jim’s face. “No, I guess not.”

“Definitely not. I’ll see you later. Assuming you’re coming back to the dorm.” Jim turned and began to make his way toward the exit of the bar. He’d almost made it to the door when Uhura stepped in front of him.

“Kirk, have you seen Spock?”

“You have got to be kidding me. Get the fuck out of my way.”

She frowned. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Spock and I had a fight, if you want to know.”

“Oh.” Uhura bit her lip. “He was going to help me with a paper for a class. I was supposed to meet him but he didn’t show up.”

“I can’t help you. He went the opposite way of me. See you.”

Jim shoved his hands into the pocket of his jeans and walked the long way home to the dorms. He hadn’t been staying there for two months actually. He had moved into Spock’s place right after their first date. Real date. They’d fucked a few times before they’d ever even gone to dinner together. From the first time they'd met it had always been hot and heavy between them.

By the time he reached the dorms, Jim was cold and miserable and almost ready to cry. He wouldn’t. But damn it was a near thing.

He flopped down on his hard dorm bed and seriously considered giving into the tears when there was a light knock on his door. He sat up, scrubbed his face, and went to the door.

Spock stood there. His expression was blank and he was bundled up like he expected a blizzard, with a big heavy scarf wrapped around his neck. “You did not come home.”

“Did you expect me to?”

“Yes. Dr. McCoy said you came here.” Spock stepped inside. “Why have you returned here?”

“Well because.” Jim scowled.

“Are you ending our relationship?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Jim bit his lip and turned away.

“Over a disagreement?” Spock asked, his voice quieter than any time Jim had heard.

Instantly Jim’s anger and hurt disappeared and he turned back to Spock. “No, no. I’m sorry, Spock. I’m just such an idiot. Of course I don’t want to break up.”

Spock’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed heavily. “I am gratified to hear this.”

And just like that, Jim launched himself at Spock and started kissing him frantically, framing Spock’s face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”

“I did hours ago,” Spock said softly, his arms coming around to hold him close. “Will you come home with me? I understand makeup intercourse can be quite pleasurable.”

Jim buried his face his Spock’s neck and huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I will. You can do anything you want with me.”

Spock kissed his cheek. “Anything, Cadet?”

“Yes, Professor. _Anything_.”

Spock pulled him back just enough to stare into Jim’s eyes. His brown eyes practically glittered. “You have been very bad.”

Jim licked his lips. “Terribly.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Indeed, Cadet. You may find it rather difficult to sit in class tomorrow.”

Jim swayed a little. “Fuck, I hope so.”

“You are incorrigible.”

“I am, Professor. Let’s hurry. I can’t wait to be punished. I mean…”

Spock pushed him toward the door and swatted Jim’s ass. “Behave. And be quick about it.”

Jim rushed out the door with Spock right on his heels.    


	3. Kissing

Spock looked up from his PADD as Kirk entered the mess room. His gaze followed Kirk as he went over to the synthesizers and inserted first one card and then another. Without seeing them, Spock knew what they would be. A moment later, Kirk came to his table and set Vulcan spiced tea in front of Spock and coffee in front of the seat across from him. Kirk sat there.

“So. Uh, busy?”

“I am completing a report on an experiment in lab three.”

Jim nodded, licked his lips, smiled a little. “Does that mean yes?”

Spock picked up the tea. “Thank you for the tea.”

“Sure. Did you-did you want something to eat?” Kirk looked at the empty plate next to Spock. “Something else?”

“No, my current nutritional needs have been satisfied.”

“That’s good. Good.”

Spock arched a brow. “Was there something you wished, Captain?”

“I thought we might discuss what happened. You know. Before.”

Spock nodded. “I see.”

“Bones, uh, said sometimes I come off sort of wrong without meaning to.” Kirk shifted, bit his lip.

“I see,” Spock said again.

Kirk sighed. “The thing is…I got this idea in my head I thought was right, but was obviously wrong. And without really finding out if it was true or right or whatever I acted on it and made an idiot of myself.” Kirk stared into the coffee. “So, I guess what I’m saying, Spock—”

“You are about to apologize to your coffee,” Spock said quietly.

Kirk’s gaze flew up then, surprised, the blue irises seeming to be a particularly intense shade of cerulean. His cheeks were flushed pink. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, Spock. I shouldn’t have kissed you out of the blue like that and if you want to file a report, I—”

Spock covered Kirk’s hand with his, then turned Kirk’s hand until it was palm up. Spock stroked his index and middle finger across the palm, then up to Kirk’s matching fingers.

Kirk’s breath shuttered as he stared at the fingers caressing his.

“Captain,” Spock murmured.

Kirk met his gaze. “Yeah?”

The pads of his fingers circled the pads of Kirk’s. “You were not wrong.”


	4. Just Like Me

Jim watched Spock get ready for duty while still lying in bed. He supposed he should get up himself. He would need a shower. A second shower, actually. He’d risen an hour ago, showered, and had coffee. He’d broached the dreaded conversation with Spock yet again.

_“So, um, us…what exactly are we doing? You and I. Are we exclusive? Serious? Gonna get married someday?”_

At first he’d been met with a rather heavy silence. He supposed that had been better than the first time he’d brought up the _‘them”_ conversation as Jim called it to himself. The first time, Spock had completely ignored it, without pause, and changed the subject as though Jim had not spoken at all.

This time after the heavy silence stretched on to extremely uncomfortable levels, Spock had simply seduced him into having sex again. Thus why, now, after Spock had quickly risen after and showered, Jim watched him getting dressed in his uniform from Spock’s bed.

Jim pursed his lips. “Dinner after shift?”

“I will be spending time in the labs after shift,” Spock replied. “I will be unavailable.”

“Any experiments I should know about?”

“Not as yet, no.”

“All right. See you shortly.”

“Indeed.” And Spock left.

Jim sighed and lay back against the pillows. Now that he thought about it there were a couple of other times during chess games he had intended to have a more serious discussion about _“them”_ and each time Spock had distracted him with sexual activity. Was Jim really that easy?

Granted this whole thing with Spock was new. Newish. They’d been spending their nights together for two months now. Well, one and a half months actually, but Jim always rounded up. After a really stressful away mission, Jim had gone to Spock’s quarters just to see for himself that Spock was okay and the Vulcan had pretty much attacked him.

Which led them to here. Jim knew how he felt. How he’d always felt. But he wasn’t really sure where he stood with Spock and that had really begun to bug the crap out of him.

He finally rose and went into their shared bathroom to take yet another shower. After he got ready, he went to the mess for a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. Uhura was sitting in the corner by herself, a mug of something in front of her, and her PADD held up to her face.

The idea of asking her was totally insane, Jim realized, even as he made his way over to her table.

“Got a minute?”

She smiled. “Sure. What’s up?”

Jim sat across from her and took a sip from his coffee. “I want to ask you a really stupid, inappropriate, idiotic question. You may throw your tea at me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Doubtful. But go ahead.”

“Did you…did you and Spock have the talk?”

“The talk?”

“Yeah. You know the relationship talk.”

“Oh.” Uhura nodded. “Sure. Why?”

Jim’s heart sank. “You did? Well, like how soon?”

She shrugged. “A few weeks. Why?” she asked again.

“Just so we’re clear, the conversation where you find out where things are going and what the expectations are kind of talk, right?”

“Yes, absolutely. We both wanted to know from almost the beginning that we desired to have a long term relationship. I don’t think either of us was looking for a fling.” She narrowed her eyes. “So, what’s up?”

Jim sighed. “You know I’ve always avoided that conversation with everyone else I’ve ever been with longer than one night.”

“So not very many, huh?” Uhura smirked.

“For instance with Gaila. She wanted to talk about it. She brought it up a few times.” Jim shook his head. “The last time we were together before she was killed, she told me she thought she loved me.”

Uhura shook her head. “I wouldn’t feel too bad about that, Captain. I adored Gaila, but she went through guys almost as much as you went through girls back then.”

“Still, I hated _that_ conversation and did anything to avoid having it.” Jim bit his lip. “And now.”

“Now?”

“Spock’s just like me.”

Uhura blinked. “Oh. Oh!” Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Hm. That _is_ a surprise.” She actually looked at him with sympathy which made him want to either cry or smack her. He wasn’t sure which. “I’m not sure what to say, Captain. It’s just…really a surprise coming from Spock. Generally, Vulcans don’t do casual relationships.”

“Generally?”

“Well, just like anything, I’m sure there are exceptions.” She shrugged. “Maybe you just took him by surprise. Give it some time, Captain. I’m sure he’ll be ready to talk about it eventually.”

“Hmm.”

****

“This is the third night in a row you’ve been in the medbay with me,” Bones pointed out obviously to Jim.

“Yeah.” He gulped down the rest of his drink.

“Why?” Bones grimace. “Not that I mind the company or anything but you’re in here until really late the last three nights and you look like someone kicked your dog.”

“Have you ever gotten something you really wanted and then found out it wasn’t at all like you thought it would be?”

“Um, yeah. What are we talking about, Jimmy?”

“Spock.”

“What about Spock?”

“I don’t think…” The words got stuck in his throat. “I don’t think it means the same for him as it does for me.”

“Okay, Jim, maybe it’s the late hour or maybe it’s the booze, but you’re gonna have to spell it out for me.”

“I thought when Spock and I got together it was going to be this spectacular, earth-shattering, massive thing where we were gonna be space husbands—”

“Space husbands?”

“Yeah,” Jim said impatiently. “But it turns out I’m like a rebound fling or something.”

“You’re a rebound fling for Spock?”

Jim nodded, his chest constricting tightly. “I think it’s over already. A couple of nights ago he turned down being with me to spend time in the labs. The last two nights, I’ve come here, and gone to my quarters alone. He never even tried to see me.”

“I find that kind of hard to believe,” Bones said doubtfully. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

“It was just sex.”

“For Spock?”

Jim licked his lips and then thrust his glass forward. “Another.”

Bones poured him more.

“I…uh…tried to get serious.”

“Serious?”

“You know. Ask him about us.”

“Huh?”

“Jesus, Bones. You know _the_ conversation. About where we’re going. Are we long term? Do we love each other? That kind of thing.”

“Oh.” Bones nodded. “Oh. And he said he was on the rebound?”

“No. He said nothing. He just changes the subject or distracts me with sex.”

“Didn’t need to hear that part of it.”

“You know, you’re not much help by the way.” Jim downed the drink. “Gonna go back to my quarters.”

“Don’t get lost on the way. You’ve had a bit to drink.”

“I’m fine.” Jim stood up. He gazed down at Bones. “How about you, Bones? You wanna do me?”

Bones laughed. “Get out of my medbay before I have you committed.”

Jim stuck his tongue out at his friend and left his office. He made it to his quarters no problem, but he did feel more than a little sick to his stomach by the time he punched in his code.

Sitting up in the middle of his bed was Spock. Jim blinked a few times, but sure enough, the Vulcan was still there, staring back at him. With his eyebrow arched in Vulcany disapproval.

“Spock!”

“You are intoxicated.”

“Yeah, because of you.”

“I do not recall supplying you with alcohol.”

“No. You didn’t. Bones did.”

“Explain.”

“You don’t love me. I’m a rebound fling. I’m sad. Got drunk.”

“You are impossible.”

Jim nodded.

“Come here.”

Jim stumbled toward the bed. Spock caught him as he fell across it.

“Are you going to vomit?” Spock asked, holding him at arm’s length.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Spock shook his head and placed his hand on Jim’s face. The sick to his stomach feeling faded.

“Thanks,” Jim murmured, his gaze meeting Spock’s. “That’s a neat trick.”

“I would prefer if you didn’t overindulge.”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed. “Sorry. Listen. I know you don’t want to talk about this. But are we just fooling around?”

“I did not think so.”

“No?”

Spock’s hand moved down to cup Jim’s jaw. “Vulcans are not in the habit of flings, rebounds, or casual hookups.”

Jim licked his lips. “Okay. Vulcans. What about you?”

“Even less so. I am with you because I wish to be. If you will recall, I pursued you.”

“Not exactly.” Jim frowned.

“Yes, exactly. You have asked where this is going. I wish to bond with you when you are ready.” Spock shook his head. “You are not ready.”

“But—”

“This is new to you, Jim. You do not trust yourself, let alone me. In time, you will. I can wait.”

“You’re very wise, did you know that?”

Spock nodded, his gaze very intense. “Now, you will sleep off your intoxication.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“I will.”

“’Kay.” Jim lay down and Spock drew him to him. “I guess you’re not just like me.”

“Clarify.”

Jim shook his head. “Never mind.”

Spock stroked his fingers across Jim’s temples and sleep claimed him.


	5. Edith

Spock had schooled his features into a carefully blank mask by the time Jim opened the door to their temporary rented apartment. He hoped it was temporary. There was a small, illogical part of him that began to wonder if they’d ever make it back to the Enterprise. But so far McCoy had not appeared in New York.

Jim smiled when he walked in. More to himself than to Spock. There was lipstick still smeared across Jim’s lips. Spock stoically ignored it. Or pretended to, anyway. Jim’s lips were not his to care about.

“How’s it going, Spock?”

“It is progressing at the speed with which I expected,” Spock replied. “And the same as you last inquired.”

Jim nodded. “I see.” He sat down next to Spock and inspected the machinery Spock was working on. His gaze shifted from the work to Spock’s face. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that. Something is bothering you.” Jim frowned. “I saw you when I was in the stairwell.”

“I did not intend to interrupt.”

“You didn’t.” Jim shook his head. “Is this about Edith? Spock, she kissed me.”

“Your personal interactions are of no concern to me,” Spock said more sharply than he intended.

“Oh.” Jim nodded and rose, going into the tiny kitchenette to make himself coffee.

Spock watched his every move, the movements of his hands, the quirk of his lips. He took in every freckle, every blemish, every line in the nearly perfect face.  He realized he was clenching his fists and he relaxed them. In the confines of the small apartment, even though he shared no link with his captain, he could feel the distress radiating off him. He caught the flicker of disappointment in his bright eyes before the lashes lowered to cover it.

He stood and walked into the kitchenette where Jim stood, gazing out the window at the falling snow.

Spock gripped Jim’s arms before he could think better of it and turned his captain to face him. His eyes widened, but there was no alarm, only curiosity and hope.

“Spock—”

Spock grasped Jim’s jaw and kissed him, grimacing ever so slightly at the taste of Edith’s waxy lipstick. He broke the kiss and wiped his thumb across Jim’s lips to rid them of the offending red. He lowered his head once more and took possession of those lips. The mouth that should be his.

Jim moaned into the kiss, his lips parted on a hitched breath.

“If I have miscalculated—”

“God, no, you haven’t.” Jim’s arms came around Spock’s neck. “Don’t stop, Spock.”

Spock brushed his lips across Jim’s. “I do not intend to.” 


	6. After the Medbay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically sex

“Okay, Jim, I’m releasing you from the medbay.”

Jim hopped off the biobed with a broad smile. “Great. I’ll just go put on a fresh uniform and—”

Bones shook his head. “Nope.”

Jim’s smile faded along with his enthusiasm. “Nope?”

“Twenty four hours off duty.”

“But I’m fine. You said yourself.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “I said you were well enough to be out of here. You had a traumatic few days. You’ve earned some down time. Go take a shower, read a book, eat some food, sleep without me prodding you, whatever. No duty.”

“Fine.” Jim looked around the medbay. “Wait, was I the last one? What about Sulu and Spock?”

“Sulu didn’t have to stay at all. His injuries were minor. I released Spock day before yesterday. He’s been on the bridge ever since.”

“Well, then shouldn’t I—”

“No.”

“You’re so mean,” Jim said with a pout.

“Go on, get out of here, before I change my mind and make you stay longer.”

Jim practically ran out of the medbay then.

He was coming out of the shower and back into his room with only a towel wrapped around his waist when he spotted Spock standing inside his quarters, hands clasped behind his back.

“Oh, hey, Spock. Guess you heard I’ve been released.”

Spock was staring at him intently, his dark eyes stormy, almost like—

“Uh. You okay?”

Spock did not reply.

“Are you mad because Bones won’t let me back on the bridge? Because I gotta say, it’s not my choice. I’d really rather be there.” Jim blinked. “You’re kind of freaking me out, Spock. And since I’m, uh, mostly naked, maybe you could wait until I put some clothes on before strangling me? ”

Spock took one, two, three steps…and suddenly he was in front of Jim. He licked his lips again and went to take a step back but Spock’s hands suddenly grasped his biceps.

“What—”

Jim found himself suddenly up against the bulkhead, arms held at the wrists by one of Spock’s hands, and before he could offer a protest, Spock was kissing him hard, rough, all consuming.  His tongue thrust past Jim’s lips, seeking entry, his teeth pulled at Jim’s bottom lip.

He tried to say Spock’s name as the Vulcan ground against him but it came out all garbled and breathless. Spock lifted him until his legs were off the ground, the towel that had been wrapped at his waist, now discarded across the room.

The hand that wasn't holding Jim’s arms up over his head undid the fastening and zipper of Spock’s pants, then pulled out Spock’s erect cock, which rubbed against the bare flesh of Jim’s thigh.

Spock continued assaulting him with kisses and bites so Jim couldn't speak, could barely breathe. His body was shifted and suddenly Spock was pushing into him. Jim gasped, expecting the sting, the burn of his unprepared ass, but it never came, not really, Spock slipped in easily, slick and deep.

Jim groaned as Spock moved deep inside him, thrusting hard, fast, banging him against the bulkhead over and over. Spock’s hand had curved around Jim’s unbearably hard dick, stroking it, pumping it. Jim whimpered into Spock’s mouth and the Vulcan drove into him, claimed him, despoiled him.

Jim’s shout when he came was covered by Spock’s hungry kisses as he tensed and filled Jim with his cum.

His arms were released and he lowered them to around Spock’s neck, gasping and panting as Spock broke their kiss at last. He expected Spock to lower him to the floor after he withdrew from Jim’s body, but he carried him to the bed and gently laid him there. He lay next to Jim and drew him to him.

“Not that I’m complaining or anything, but that…does your cock self-lubricate or something?”

“Affirmative.”

“Comes in sort of handy.” Jim sighed. “A little more wouldn't have hurt though. I think I’m going to be pretty sore.”

“My apologies,” Spock murmured, his cheeks just slightly green. “I was pleased you had been released from the medbay.”

“I hope that’s not how you react when others are released,” Jim joked.

Spock gave him a look. “It is not.”

He put his hand on Spock’s cheek. “That was a hell of a declaration, Spock.”

Spock nodded.

Jim smiled and kissed him.

“May I assume that my declaration is reciprocated?”

“You may.” Jim sighed and snuggled closer. “Hell, if I’d known almost getting my arm ripped off by that horned monster would have had this result I might have…” He stopped at Spock’s murderous look. “Okay, no. Stupid idea.”

“Very.”

“You have to go back to the bridge?”

“Yes.”

“What if the captain says you don’t have to?”

“The captain is incapacitated.”

“Didn't seem like I was.”

“Jim.”

“All right.” He kissed Spock’s pointy ear. “When you’re off duty, come and see me.”

Spock nodded and rose. “I intend to.”

Jim winked and Spock arched a brow.

“Bye sweetie!” He called after him and laughed when Spock simply shook his head.  


	7. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Uhura dies in a mission, and that prompts Kirk and Spock to admit their love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just re-posting this in my One-Shot Collection. Many of you have already read it. A slight re-arrangement.

 “Kirk to Enterprise. There’s a storm starting up down here. Not sure we should beam up yet.”

“Looks like the storm will only get worse, Captain,” Scotty said. “Probably best to beam up now. It might be hours or even days otherwise.”

Jim glanced to his landing party of Bones, Uhura, Chekov, and two security guards. “Okay, standby.” He smiled at the head of operations on the planet. “It’s been a pleasure, Nate.”

“Pleasures been mine, Jim,” Nate said, pleasantly. “It’s good to get to see some of my friends from those academy days.”

The wind had begun to pick up, so Jim clapped him on the back. “You’d better get inside. Keep in touch?”

“You bet.”

Jim went to stand with the others and flipped open his communicator. “Oh, yeah. Hey, Nate.” He went back to his friend, reached into his pocket and handed Nate a holo pic. “I forgot to give this to you before. I saw your mom on Starbase 12 and she asked me to give this to you.”

Nate looked down at the picture of him as a young boy with his parents. Nate grinned. “Thanks, Jim.”

Jim went back to his group and Uhura shifted from her position in the front to allow Jim to take her place. He flipped open the communicator again. “Kirk to Enterprise. Energize.”

They materialized on the transporter, Jim felt them break up again, appear on the planet, and then fade out again. Disoriented, he finally appeared once more on the transporter. He stumbled.

“Wow. That was bad. Everyone okay?”

“Like I've been ripped apart,” Bones grumbled.

“Fine, sir,” the two security guards said almost in unison.

“A little voozy, Keptin.”

“Yeah, me too.” Jim saw Spock enter the transporter room. He shook his head. Something wasn't right. He looked around. “Where’s Uhura?”

Bones frowned. “She’s right here—”

Jim moved off the transporter pad and toward Scotty. “Where’s Uhura, Scotty?”

“Hang on, Captain,” Scotty said, but he looked extremely worried. Spock stepped up next to Scotty and started moving levers and buttons.

Jim felt sick. Really sick. His vision went out for a second.

“Jim?” Bones said, holding him up.

“I’m okay,” Jim said, straightening.

“We all feel like crap after that beam up,” Bones said. “I wanna see you in medbay.”

“Spock? Scotty?”

Scotty swallowed heavily, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I-I’m sorry, Captain.”

He heard a weird sort of buzzing. “What does that mean, Commander?”

“Lieutenant Uhura is gone,” Spock said softly.

“Gone? What the fuck does that mean?”

“Jim, calm down,” Bones said, reaching for him, but he shrugged his friend off.

Spock’s dark eyes met his. “Her particles are broken up in space, Captain. Nyota is dead.”

****

He buried his face in his hands, willing himself to get control. He’d never really wanted to be a Vulcan before, but he sure as hell did now.

“Jim, do you want a sedative?” Bones asked him, gently squeezing his shoulder.

He looked up into his friend’s red eyes. Bones had been crying. He’d heard others crying too. Jim had not cried. He sat on a biobed in medbay with Bones examining him to make sure he had no lasting effects from the ill-fated transporter incident. An incident. That’s what they called it when someone’s life is over. A friend. Uhura was more than a great officer. She was his friend.

“I don’t want to be drugged, Bones.”

“You've had a shock.”

“So have you. So has everyone. I don’t need to be treated like some fucking weakling.”

“Jim—”

“Am I all right?”

“No, you’re not all right.”

“I mean to leave medbay.”

Bones nodded slowly.

Jim walked out of medbay, numb all over. He didn't know where he was going but he sure as hell wasn't going to the bridge. He wasn't ready to face Sulu and Chekov and everyone else. He sure as hell wasn't ready to face Spock. And the accusations he was sure to see in those too perceptive dark eyes. Spock would hate him for this and he couldn't even blame him.

He found himself on the observation deck, staring out into space. It was like he could see her particles or something and it was agony. He dropped to his knees. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Jim.” Bones was kneeling by him. “Take it easy, kid.”

“Bones. God, it should have been me.”

“No one believes that.” Bones hugged him, let him cry all over him.

Jim shook his head, pulled away, wiping his eyes. “No. I mean, it really should have been me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The spot where she stood? That’s where I was standing originally. I went to give Nate his holo picture and we switched places.” Jim pinched the bridge of his nose. “It should have been me that died.”

“But it wasn't, Jim. For whatever reason, it wasn't you. Who knows why stuff happens the way it does? It could have been you. Could have been me. Could have been Chekov. It was none of us. It was Uhura. And it’s terrible and sad, Jim. God, I know it is. But it’s not your fault.”

“If we hadn’t beamed during that storm—”

“Jim, should have, would have, could have. None of that does anyone any good. It won’t bring her hack.”

Jim shook his head. “This is fucked up.”

“Yeah, it is. We all know this can happen, Jim. We all hope it doesn't.”

“I have to notify Starfleet and her family,” Jim said softly.

“And we’ll have a service. I’ll get it together, Jim, But you’ll have to say something as her commanding officer.”

****

Jim stepped on to the bridge, his gaze shifting instantly to where Uhura should be sitting. He clenched his fists and turned his gaze from there but that caused him to look straight into Spock’s dark eyes. And they were sad. Very sad. There was no mistaking the sorrow there. And why should he be surprised? Even though they were no longer engaged in a romantic relationship, she was still Spock’s friend. They spent almost all their time together even now. Even then.

He didn't even know why they had broken up. He’d asked about it once and Spock, who had agreed to play chess with him, had basically informed his captain it was not his business. Politely of course, but Jim got the message.

He dragged his gaze from Spock’s and went to sit in the captain’s chair. “Hey, um, there will be a ship wide announcement later, but I thought I’d tell the bridge crew first. There will be a service for Nyota tomorrow afternoon. Also, Starfleet has given us a couple of days without a new mission. If any of you need some extra time away from your post, just send the request to my PADD and I’ll approve it.”

“Yes, Captain,” Sulu said quietly. “Thank you.”

Jim nodded and lowered his head to look at his PADD. He had reports. He’d notified Uhura’s parents. He had the mission report to complete though. And doing it there, on the bridge, he couldn't. But it would be unfair to give Spock the con, considering how his Vulcan first officer must feel.

_Stop being a coward, Jim_.

He got up and went to Spock’s station. “Spock.”

“Captain?”

“If you’d like to-to take some time off, you know, go ahead.”

Spock was silent for a few minutes. He looked at his console instead of at Jim. “I believe I would like to request some time, Captain.”

Jim nodded. Swallowed. “Yeah, you got it. Whatever you need.”

He went back to his chair and a few minutes later, Spock quit the bridge.

****

The service was over. Had been over for an hour. Jim had been in his quarters ever since. It had been as awful as he had imagined. More awful maybe. Lots of crying. Lots of reminiscing. He’d asked Spock if he wanted to say a few words about Nyota, but he had declined, saying their relationship had been a private matter and he preferred to respect Nyota by keeping it that way.

Bones had offered to share some bourbon with him in the medbay, but Jim had said no. Scotty had offered to come to Jim’s quarters with some scotch, but he’d also said no. Though, really, he wanted a drink more than he should want one, he decided this was the exact time not to wallow in alcohol. It would be so easy to drink himself numb. But he felt like maybe he should be sober instead. Deal with the consequences of his actions. Because no matter what Bones said, he was responsible for Nyota’s death.

There was no one he felt he could talk to about this…guilt. He loved Bones, but he knew his friend was 100% always on his side and would always say Jim was blameless. He loved that support from Bones, he really did. But he didn't want to hear that right now. He wanted someone to agree that it was his fault, goddamn it. And how fucked up was that?

He still couldn't look Spock in the eyes without feeling this crushing weight in his chest. Somehow he knew Spock would tell him that logically he was not at fault for Uhura’s death, but that somehow made it worse. Because it would be a lie and Vulcans weren't supposed to lie.

Unable to stand his own company, Jim left his quarters and went to the gym. He hadn't been there in a while. Hadn't really had time. He changed out of his uniform into the sweats and T-shirt he kept in his locker and then went to find a punching bag. There should be a program, like a holo program or something, where you could put anyone’s face on the punching bag, and right now Jim knew that face would be his own.

He hit the bag over and over until his arms were like wobbly noodles, but he didn't feel a damn bit better. Fucking survivor’s guilt. He had it in fucking spades, really.

Jim showered, redressed in his uniform and went to the bridge, even though it wasn't his shift. It wasn't like he could sleep. Not without seeing Uhura’s face.

****

“This seat taken?”

Jim smiled. Or at least he thought it was a smile. “Nah, go ahead, Bones.”

Bones sat across from him at a table for two in the corner of the mess. Jim had chosen this table to discourage crew members from sitting with him. He’d known it wouldn't work with Bones.

His friend looked at the plate in front of Jim. “A plain waffle?”

“Yep. Don’t like syrup.” Jim took a sip of his coffee. “What’s up, Bones?”

“You look like hell.”

He nodded. “Yeah I know.”

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Bones said, stabbing into a half of grapefruit.

“Not much, no. I’m pretty much used to it by now though. Never been great at sleeping.”

“It’s been a month.”

Jim sighed. “I know exactly how long it’s been, Bones.”

“I bet.” Bones ate a bite of grapefruit. “And I’m not saying you have to get over it or anything trite like that. But, Jim, you’re not sleeping, you’re barely eating. You’re going around the ship like a zombie. Do you know how long it’s been since you laughed?”

“Yeah, I do. When I was with Nate.” Hell, that was the last time he felt good. The last time he felt anything really. But as great as it was to see Nate again, be with Nate again, that was his past. He knew that much. “Your point?”

“You’re avoiding everyone. You aren’t even playing chess with Spock.”

Jim frowned. “How do you know about that?”

“I know things. You’re avoiding everyone, but you are especially avoiding him.” Bones paused. “Aren’t you?”

“What if I am?” Jim shrugged.

“I thought you two had decided you were friends.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s before I killed his girlfriend.”

Bones growled. “First, you did not kill her, Jim, for Christ’s sake. And second, she wasn’t his girlfriend. They were friends. Just like you are supposed to be his friend. I don’t know, it might have been nice, if you actually tried to offer him some sort of comfort over the loss of his friend. Instead you've been doing your self-pity act.”

“He doesn't want me bothering him, Bones.”

“How do you know that? Have you even bothered? I know you don’t know how to be a real human with emotions and talking and all that. I get it, you've been screwed up but good. But Jesus, Jim, even Spock’s not a robot. You know that better than anyone.”

Jim knew Bones was right and he really was an asshole. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, okay. You’re right. As usual.”

“I know that,” Bones said. “What are you going to do about it?”

****

Jim went to Spock’s station the minute he stepped onto the bridge. He hoped he imagined the slight stiffening of Spock’s shoulders.

“Captain?”

“Chess later?”

For a moment, Jim was sure Spock was about to tell him no. With an arch of that Vulcan eyebrow no less. But Spock shifted slightly in his chair. “That would be agreeable, Captain.”

Jim blinked. “It would?”

Now the eyebrow did lift. “I said as much. If you would prefer not—”

“No. No. I, uh, yeah. Let’s do it. The chess.”  _Lord, Jim you are a mess_. “Nineteen hundred hours, my quarters?”

Spock nodded and turned back to his station, effectively dismissing Jim, which was honestly fine with him. Jim went to his chair. “Status report, Mr. Sulu?”

“Headed on a course to M123, Captain. At warp 2.”

“Maintain course at that speed.”

“Aye, sir.”

Jim had a knot in his stomach for his entire shift even though nothing went out of the ordinary. A couple of times he swore Spock was looking at him, could feel the stare on the back of his neck, but when he turned around each time, Spock had not been looking at him.

When the shift was over, he waited until almost everyone else had left, before he got up and went into the turbolift. He had some time before he needed to meet Spock so he headed to medbay. He found Bones in his office.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Jim. You wanna sit?”

He nodded. “Listen, a couple of things.”

“I’m listening.”

“First, I want to apologize for being a dick the last month.”

Bones smiled crookedly. “Don’t worry about it. You weren't that bad.”

“I don’t know about that. It’s still all fucked up in my head, you know? I still can’t get the idea if we hadn't switched places, she’d be alive. But I know I have to move on from that.”

“You wanna talk to someone?”

“Besides you? Hell no. I've lost crew before. Plenty of them. And friends too.” He took a moment to think about Pike. He exhaled slowly. “She was different. I think because of her connection to Spock. I don’t know. All I know is she was my friend and a great officer and I’m really gonna miss her.”

“We all will. She was a good friend. But you can’t lose your shit every time you lose someone, Jim. You lost your shit when Pike died too.”

“I know.”

Bones sighed. “You’re a good kid. You’re a good friend. And you’re a good captain.”

“Ah, geez, are you getting mushy on me, Bones?”

That was greeted by a snort. “Don’t you wish? What’s the other thing you wanted?”

“You…uh, got anything to help me sleep?”

“You’re asking for something to help you sleep?”

“Yes, Bones.”

“Well, hallelujah. Yeah, I got something. You want pills or a hypo?”

“You’re kidding right?”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Pills it is. Come with me.”

****

Jim had dinner with Bones. He kind of felt he owed it to his friend to spend some time with him, too, but was back to his quarters in plenty of time for nineteen hundred hours. He changed out of his uniform and into a pair of sweats and a Starfleet Academy T-shirt. He also got himself a coffee and Spock a tea. Based on past experience, Spock would be early.

So actually, he was quite surprised when nineteen hundred hours came and went and no Spock. He had a moment of panic, thinking Spock really did hate him and had only agreed because they were on the bridge. But then five minutes later his door buzzed.

“Come.”

Spock walked in, still wearing his uniform, of course. “I apologize for my tardiness. I was working on an experiment in one of the labs.”

“It’s fine, Spock. Do you want to go back to it?”

“It is not necessary. There will be no further results until a later time.”

Jim nodded. “I got you tea. Why don’t you sit down while I set up the chess set?”

“Yes, Captain.” Spock sat but it was stiff, his posture ramrod straight. He was clearly not comfortable.

Setting aside any pretense of actually playing chess, Jim sat down on the sofa. “Are you all right, Spock?”

“Captain?”

“You know. After-after Nyota’s death.”

“I am well enough under the circumstances,” Spock said quietly. “Her death has been difficult.”

Jim swallowed. “I know. I’m really sorry.”

Spock studied him, his dark eyes fathomless. “I know it is the habit of humans to apologize for events of this nature, but I sense there is more than this behind your apology.”

“I—It’s my fault. Her death.”

“Clarify.”

“I ordered the beam up, I brought her down there, I was supposed to be standing where she was. God, take your pick, Spock. It’s my responsibility.”

“It is only your responsibility in the sense you were her commanding officer and the crew is, therefore, your responsibility. But you were not directly responsible for her death, Captain.”

“Spock—”

“It is completely lacking in logic for you to blame yourself.”

“I’m sure you must blame me.”

“I do not,” Spock insisted. “And you have been avoiding our friendship based on this self-abasing guilt.”

“Well I—er…yeah, sort of.” Jim winced. “I was afraid you would hate me.”

“I do not,” Spock said again. “I do find myself at a loss as to how your mind works.”

“Most are at a loss about that. Look, I am sorry about Nyota. She was my friend. A good friend. And I should have been there for you because she was your friend, too. You knew her longer and I was being selfish. And I’m sorry, Spock. I wasn't a very good friend to you.”

“I accept your apology, Jim.”

Jim nodded. “Good. I didn’t want to lose you, too.”

“You will not.” Spock seemed to hesitate. “May I make a personal query?”

“Yeah, sure.”

 “Do you have a relationship beyond friendship with Governor Nathanial Blakemore?”

“Nate?”

Spock stiffened. “Affirmative.”

“Uh.” Jim blinked. “Like-like what?”

Spock looked away. “You were sexually intimate with him.”

“How did you know that?”

“I smelled him on you. When you returned from the planet.”

“Smelled him?” Jim stared at Spock.

Spock nodded stiffly.

“I’m not really sure it’s your business, Spock, but yeah, okay, I was.” Jim sighed. “I knew Nate at the academy. He was two years ahead of me and for a time he was my boyfriend.”

“You ended your relationship?”

“You do know you told me it wasn't my business when I asked you about Uhura,” Jim said.

“I am aware of my hypocrisy. Will you answer?”

Jim’s jaw tightened. “Yeah, okay. But only because I have nothing to hide and I don’t have a problem telling my friend. I didn't end our relationship, he did.”

“Why?”

“Because of my flirtatious demeanor.”

“You were unfaithful?”

Jim sighed. “No. But he was convinced I would be. He didn't believe I could resist sexual encounters with others and he thought my flirting was proof that eventually I would stray. He decided that I would always have women and men throwing themselves at me and then I wouldn't resist temptation. So, basically, he dumped me preemptively.”

Spock’s eyebrows furrowed. “It is illogical to end your relationship based on something you have not done.”

“I know. But he did. He was leaving San Francisco on assignment anyway, but I can’t say it didn't hurt at the time.”

Spock’s gaze was intense. “Yet you engaged in sexual congress with him a month ago.”

“We both knew it was just the one time and we’re two consenting adults. Sometimes people who used to be something else reconnect.”

“I have never done so.”

“I imagine not.” Jim shook his head. “It won’t be repeated anyway. Will you tell me why you and Nyota broke up?”

“I discovered amorous feelings for another and we concluded that our relationship had afforded both of us all that we would ever obtain from it.”

“She had amorous feelings for another?”

“Negative.” Spock stared down at his clenched hands. “My friendship with you has developed into a deeper affection than I had previously realized. Your recent injury on Helian IV when you spent seven point three days in medbay brought those feelings to clarity for me.”

“Holy shit.” Jim stared at Spock, even though Spock was not looking at him. “You’re in love with me?”

“I did not intend that I would burden you with my regard, given that you were pursuing others, however, due to Nyota’s recent death and the relative shortness of human lives, I thought it prudent to declare it to you should there be even a small chance you would one day reciprocate.”

Joy burst open the ache that had been in his chest for he didn't know how long. “Spock, look at me.”

Spock’s chin rose until his dark eyes met Jim’s gaze.

“I’m so fucking in love with you, I can hardly breathe sometimes.”

Spock moved so fast Jim’s head spun as suddenly his Vulcan first officer was crushing him underneath him on the sofa. Spock’s lips covered Jim’s as he gasped into the kiss. Spock’s fingers gripped his jaw and everywhere bare skin touched bare skin it was like they were electrified. Such warmth, such love. He had no idea what it was but it felt amazing.

“God, Spock, God.” Jim slid his fingers under Spock’s blue shirt and undershirt, skating his fingertips over the bare skin there, seeking contact. “What-what is that? It feels so good.”

“I do not know,” Spock said, nibbling his lips. “But I too find it agreeable.” He pulled back to yank off Jim’s T-shirt and fling it across the room, Then he was licking and biting Jim’s nipples and Jim almost came just from that it was so intense.

“Jesus, Spock. Take-I want you naked. Want you to fuck me.”

Spock growled which was really hot and it seemed to take him only thirty seconds to get rid of Jim’s sweats and the rest of his own clothes. They came together naked and touching everywhere and Jim thought he might possibly go insane.

“So good, so good,” Jim moaned, even as Spock suddenly buried himself between Jim’s legs. His tongue stabbed into Jim’s entrance and he really thought he would lose it then. He knew he had to be screaming and he really hoped his quarters was somewhat soundproof or his crew was going to know exactly what was happening to their captain.

Spock rimmed him over and over until Jim was certain he was quivering jelly. And then Spock was gone but not long enough for Jim to ask where he was because he was back like that and his fingers were slipping inside Jim, slippery with lube.

It wasn't enough, it was too much. He was begging, demanding. Somehow he felt Spock’s amusement and arousal through their skin contact. He didn't know why, didn't care. Just wanted Spock, everywhere.

The fingers were removed and replaced with Spock’s cock and he was slamming into Jim fast and hard. He clung to Spock, pushing back against each thrust until they were both panting groaning, feeling. He could get Spock’s emotions and it should be frightening, but it was just hot. It was just everything he thought he ever wanted.

After they had both come, they lay tangled together, nothing but intertwined limbs and mouths seeking each other. Jim was a sweaty mess and felt a little bit of resentment that Spock wasn't covered in a fine sheen.

“That was-was-God-that- was.”

“You seem unable to speak.”

Jim laughed. “I didn't know Vulcans were so smug.”

“You do make me feel that way. It is most illogical,” Spock admitted.

Jim kissed him and then touched his face. “Do you know why our touching is so-so intense?”

“I suspect I may know,” Spock said. “I will need to clarify what I suspect, but—”

“But?”

“We may be Telsu. It is what I think we are.”

“Telsu?”

“An ancient warrior bond. It is rare.”

Jim frowned. “A bond? Like a marriage?”

“Of sorts. Our minds would be linked.”

“Hmm. Not sure I like the sound of that.” Spock flinched. “Hey. Don’t worry. If it involves you and me, I’ll be good.”

Spock nodded. “If we are Telsu, we will learn it together.”

Jim smiled, kissed him. Then pulled back, searching Spock’s eyes. “Are we gonna be okay?”

“Yes, ashaya.”

He knew that word and it warmed him. Thinking of Nyota, he rested his forehead on Spock’s. “I grieve with thee,” he said to Spock softly. 


	8. Perhaps (5 times Spock Would Not Admit He Loved Jim and the 1 Time He Did)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a songfic, loosely based on the song, Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

1

 “So, are you going to tell me why, once more, you put yourself in danger in order to prevent harm coming to me?” Jim demanded, glaring down at Spock, who lay pale and weak on a biobed in sickbay.

“It is my duty as first officer to protect the captain in the event of an attack on his person,” Spock said.

“That’s it, huh?”

“Yes,” Spock said. “I have repeatedly pointed out regulations with regard to your insistence on being part of every landing party, which, as you are aware, you have likewise repeatedly ignored. You have left me no choice but to offer my own life for yours in those circumstances.”

Jim’s jaw clenched. “That is _not_ it.”

Even in his biobed, Spock arched a brow. “Is it not?”

“No! God, you’re so stubborn. It’s because of the way you feel about me.”

“I do find you a tolerable and capable captain.”

“A tolerable and capable captain?” Jim repeated, outraged.

“Most of the time.”

“Most of the time?”

“Captain, are you sure you were not injured? You seem to be repeating everything I say with alarming frequency.”

Jim sighed and ran his hand over his head. “Just admit it, Spock.”

“To what do you refer?” Spock asked, rather too innocently.

“Spock!”

“Jim, stop annoying my patient,” Bones said, coming over to the biobed. He looked up at the readings.

“I’m not annoying him. Am I, Spock?”

“I do find I require rest right now,” Spock replied, not meeting Jim’s gaze.

“Oh, for God’s sake. Fine. Geez. Keep me posted on his progress, will you, Bones?”

“Sure, sure. Now be a good captain and get out of my sickbay,” Bones said, pushing him away.

“Nobody respects me,” Jim muttered as he departed.

 

2

 “This is about him, isn’t it?” Nyota demanded. She had insisted that she and Spock needed to speak. Now they were in her quarters and Nyota was asking him questions Spock did not wish to answer.

“To whom do you refer?”

“Jim Kirk.”

Spock shook his head. “I do not understand.”

Nyota threw her arms up and stalked to the other side of her quarters. “This—this rift between us. God, Spock, we hardly spend any time together anymore. We’re supposed to be a couple. And you spend more time with Jim Kirk.”

“For a command team to perform optimally, it requires some time spent acquainting each other with common interests.”

She rolled her eyes. “That is such bullshit.”

“Nyota?”

“I’ve been ignoring this for months. Maybe even since the beginning, I don’t know. But I can’t anymore. You have feelings for Jim.”

Spock shifted, clenched his hands behind his back. “I respect him as my commanding officer.”

“No, try again.”

“I consider him my friend.”

Nyota smirked and shook her head. “Not quite. Oh, I believe you are friends. But your feelings go deeper than that. And I suspect he may feel the same about you.”

Spock said nothing for he was beginning to wonder what the point of the conversation was.

“Spock, I love you, and I do believe you care for me, but I don’t think you love me the same way I love you.”

“You are ending our romantic relationship?” Spock asked.

“Yeah, Spock, I am.”

Spock found it unfortunate, for he did find Nyota pleasant company, but he was also relieved for at times her emotions were too overwhelming and uncomfortable for him.

“I am sorry, Nyota.”

She nodded, her eyes sad. “Me, too.”

 

3 

“Checkmate,” Jim announced with a lot of glee. “And that, Mr. Spock, is the second one in a row.”

Spock stared at the chess game as though he couldn’t quite believe it. “Would you care for another game, Captain?”

Jim stretched, pulling his tight undershirt taut against his muscles and revealing his bare stomach as the shirt shrunk up at the stretching movement. Spock could not help but focus on the sight for ten seconds.

“Nah, I’m getting a little tired,” Jim said with a barely repressed yawn. “So maybe tomorrow night if you don’t mind.”

“I do not,” Spock agreed, standing. Jim’s welfare was certainly more important than a chess game.

Jim stood too and went over to the synthesizer. “I’m getting some tea. You want anything?”

Spock hesitated. While he would not mind spending more time in Jim’s company, he thought it was likely best he return to his own quarters and allow the captain some time to himself before sleep. Spock needed meditation himself.

“Negative, I am fine,” Spock said, as he cleared the chess set. When he had finished, Jim was standing very close to his location. Jim’s tongue darted out and traced his lips and Spock’s gaze focused there. He sometimes suspected Jim did it on purpose to get Spock’s attention. It generally worked, too.

“Okay.” Jim shifted closer still. His blue eyes bore into Spock like he was searching for something very important. “So I guess I’ll see you later, huh?”

Spock took a step closer to Jim. Almost against his will, but not quite.

“Why don’t you just do it?” Jim demanded.

“Captain?”

Jim sighed. “Kiss me. I know you want to.”

“I…do not.”

“No?” Jim placed a hand on Spock’s chest, splayed his fingers out. “I want to kiss you.”

Spock swallowed heavily as Jim’s lips were suddenly mere inches from his.

“You sure you have no interest in kissing me, Spock?” Jim asked, his hot breath fanning across Spock’s skin. “Perhaps just a little?”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged before he could think better of it. His hand came up to cup Jim’s jaw. With his shields firmly in place he felt nothing of Jim’s emotions from the contact. He lowered his lips to Jim’s and touched them briefly, intending to give himself this small illogical indulgence.

But Jim would have none of that and as soon as Spock started to pull away, Jim’s hand on Spock’s neck pulled him back into a much longer, headier kiss. Deep, searing, tongues tangling, pools of lust going straight to Spock’s groin.

Finally they had to come up for air and both of them were breathing heavily, their eyes glazed. Spock leaned his forehead against Jim’s for just a second, then he pulled back and away from his captain.

“I must go.”

“What? Wait? You’re running out?”

“You need rest and I must meditate.”

“Fuck the rest and the meditation,” Jim protested. “Spock, just admit you want to be with me. Just admit you love me. It’s not that hard. Jesus.”

Spock shook his head. “I am leaving.”

“Spock!”

“Good night, Captain.”

As the doors closed behind him, Spock thought he heard Jim’s head hitting the wall.

 

4 

“What are you doing here, Spock?” Bones asked, his voice sounding achingly weary to Jim’s ears.

They were not yet aware Jim had awakened. That he was laying on a biobed was very clear. Jim couldn't quite remember what happened though.

“I am concerned for the captain’s wellbeing, doctor.”

“He’s going to be fine, Spock. You can leave.”

Jim kept his eyes closed, he could tell the lights would be too bright and he was reluctant to face the glare.

“Spock, did you hear what I said?”

“Yes, doctor. You have a very loud voice, it would be difficult not to hear you even down the corridor. However, I wish to remain by the captain’s side.”

Bones sighed. “Fine, you stubborn hobgoblin. His vitals have stabilized. He’ll probably wake up any time.”

“Any lingering injuries?”

“No. I healed the breaks and the internal bleeding. With rest, he should be as good as new.” Bones sighed again. “I really wish I didn’t have to keep putting him back together.”

“Yes,” Spock said quietly.

Jim’s throat clogged. He still couldn’t remember what had happened but it must have been bad.

“You can go back to the bridge. I’ll keep you posted if you want,” Bones said gruffly. “Still don’t know why you’re here.”

Spock’s long fingers ghosted across Jim’s face and it was all he could do to keep still and not give up his state of consciousness to the two men.

“You know, doctor.” Spock removed his hand. “Very well, I expect hourly reports.”

“Hourly? Isn’t that a bit excessive?”

“Perhaps. Even so, that is what I expect.”

“Green-blooded—”

“Doctor.” And then Jim was aware of Spock moving away from his biobed.

 

5 

“Oh, my God, oh my God, that was…” Jim gasped, still trying to catch his breath.

Spock lay next to him, on his back, having only withdrawn from Jim’s body moments before. Spock said nothing but his arm lay across his face, covering his eyes.

They’d been playing chess, Jim was about to declare victory once more, when Spock had attacked him, stripped him, and fucked the life out of him.

Twice.

As Spock’s silence stretched out between them, Jim began to get worried. Did Spock regret it? Knowing the stubborn Vulcan, he probably did.

“Spock, are you okay?”

Spock nodded, but still did not speak.

Jim blew out a breath. “Uh, you’re freaking me out a little here, Spock. You wanna say something? Like, wow, Jim, you’re the best or…or anything?”

Spock abruptly sat up and then stood. “I must meditate.”

Jim shook his head. Surely he didn’t just hear that. “You-you what?”

Spock was already picking up his clothes and redressing. “I require meditation.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“I am always serious, Captain,” Spock said without inflection.

Captain? Jesus. Jim felt a muscle pop in his jaw.

“You are seriously bailing on me now after—after…that?”

Spock now stood by the door of Jim’s quarters. “Yes.”

And then the door swung open and he was gone.

Jim stared after him in dismayed shock.

“What the fuck just happened?”

 

1 

Bones slapped Jim on the shoulder and handed him a drink he’d just secured from the bar. “Happy shore leave, Jim. This is going to be great.”

Jim grinned and clinked glasses with Bones before taking a drink. “It sure is, Bones. Drinking and girls. What more could a guy ask?”

“Beats me,” Bones asked. He eyed two redheaded women who stood nearby gesturing to them to come over.

Spock stiffened beside Jim. “You are going to engage in coitus with that female?”

Jim glanced at Spock, who could barely contain his alarm. Spock had been avoiding him for a week, ever since he’d hurried off to meditate after sex with Jim. He’d been surprised when Spock had accompanied him and Bones to the bar during shore leave. Jim smiled at the girls. “Why not? Is there some reason, I shouldn’t, Spock?”

Spock opened his mouth and then closed it.

Jim’s gut twisted, but he maintained his smile. “Okay, then.” He started to get up from the bar stool.

“Captain—”

“Yes?”

“I-I would ask that you do not.”

“Because?”

The tips of Spock’s ears were flushed dark green. “Because I do not wish it.”

“Because?”

“You belong to me.”

Jim tried his best to arch a brow like his first officer. “Do I?”

Spock looked to Bones who was staring with interest at both of them. “Doctor, will you provide us with privacy?”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure. I’m not sure I want to hear this anyway.” Bones moved away toward the redheads.

Spock returned his gaze to Jim. “Yes.”

Jim licked his lips, watched as Spock focused there. “Because?”

“You.”

“Yes?”

Spock looked away and then back again. “You are all that matters to me.”

The constriction in Jim’s chest went away as though it had never been there and his heart felt light and free. He could not contain his smile as he reached over to stroke his fingers against Spock’s.

“Was that really so hard to admit, Spock?”

Spock nodded. “Yes.”

Jim laughed. “You want to get out of here, Spock? Go back to the ship?”

Spock stood immediately. “I do.”

Jim called over to Bones, “Sorry, Bones, you’re on your own.”

Bones smirked. “Two beautiful redheads? I don’t know what to do.”

Jim laughed again. He had a feeling they’d make him laugh a lot. He grabbed Spock’s arm and led him to the exit of the bar.

“Captain?”

Jim smiled. “Yes, Spock?”

“You have not officially declared your feelings toward me.”

“Haven’t I?”

“No, you have not.”

“Hmm.” Jim kept walking until Spock touched his arm. “Yeah?”

“Do you?”

Jim’s lips twitched. “Do I?”

“Jim.”

“Perhaps.” Jim burst out laughing at the affronted look Spock was unable to hide. He shook his head. “You know I do, Spock. Jesus.”

Spock nodded. “Still, it is nice to hear.”

“Agreed.” Jim took out his communicator and flipped it open. “Two to beam up.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Energize.”


	9. Speculation

Dr. McCoy suddenly appeared and sat at Spock’s table where he was in the process of consuming his breakfast.

“Doctor,” Spock said carefully.

“Morning, Spock.” McCoy had a cup of coffee and nothing else.

When McCoy said nothing else but continued to stare at Spock, he supposed the doctor wanted him to ask.

“Is there something you require, doctor?”

“Well, since you’ve forced it out of me, Spock, there is something. It’s about Jim.”

Spock instantly became alarmed. “Is there something wrong with the captain?”

“No, not physically, no,” McCoy replied. “I think Jim has been getting some.”

“Some?”

McCoy waved his hands. “You know. Sex.”

Spock arched his brow. “You have been listening to gossip.”

“No. Well, yes. I mean there’s always gossip. But this is from my own observations. I know Jim. He acts a certain way when he’s getting regularly laid.”

“I do not see what this has to do with me, doctor. Or for that matter…you.”

“I’m dying of curiosity, of course. You don’t know him as well as I do so you don’t know the signs,” McCoy said. “I can’t believe he’d sleep with several crew members under his command, that’s stupid even for Jim, so I’m guessing he’s found himself one to occupy himself with. And Jim Kirk sticking to one lover? That’s definitely interesting.”

Spock shrugged. “If you say so.”

“That’s where you come in.”

“Indeed?”

“I figure you must have some idea of who it is.”

“Why would I?” Spock took a sip of his tea. “And for that matter, doctor, why would I care?”

McCoy snorted. “Come on, Spock, you spend a lot of time with Jim. You have to know. My money’s on Carol Marcus.”

“Money, doctor? You have been wagering on the captain’s intimate activities?”

“Okay, so I have a little side bet going with Scotty,” McCoy grumbled. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“Hmm. And who does Mr. Scott believe it is?”

“Yeoman Rand. I say bullshit because Jim wouldn’t go all the way down to a yeoman like that. Could get him in major trouble.”

Spock shook his head. “I am not interested in your petty speculations, doctor. Who the captain spends his time with, if anyone, is completely his business. It has nothing to do with me. Or you. I suggest you switch your energies to controlling the current outbreak of the Norvarian flu on board the Enterprise.”

McCoy sputtered. “Listen, you green blooded devil, I have that under control. I’m running tests now.”

“From the mess, doctor?”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “I should have known better than to try to have a friendly chat with you.” He rose. “I’m going back to sickbay.”

“It would be wise.” Spock also rose. “I am due on the bridge.”

As they exited the mess room, Captain Kirk was coming down the corridor. He smiled.

“Spock, Bones.”

“Damn fool,” McCoy grumbled and kept going.

Jim stared after him in surprise. “What’s with him?’

Spock shrugged. “I have long since given up trying to explain Dr. McCoy, Captain.”

Jim shook his head. “Bridge?”

“Yes, Captain.”

They headed down the corridor toward the turbolift.

“Dr. McCoy wished to discuss you, Captain.”

Jim slid him a look. “Oh?”

“Apparently there is increasing speculation regarding your latest paramour.”

Jim laughed at that. “Is there?”

“According to the doctor. He believes he knows you well enough to confirm you are indeed engaged in intimate activity.”

They entered the turbolift.

“I see. I assume you, of course, advised him you had no knowledge of my activities?”

Spock locked his hands behind his back. “Indeed. I do not give into the human temptation to gossip.”

“Certainly not. I wouldn’t expect that from you.”

Spock nodded.

“So he has no idea who this alleged paramour is?”

“Negative. He speculates it is Carol Marcus.”

Jim’s lips curved into what could only be called a mischievous smile. “Makes some sort of sense. She is attractive.”

Spock said nothing to that. The doors of the turbolift would open onto the bridge in only seconds.

“Oh, by the way, Spock.”

“Captain?”

“I left a pair of my boxers in your quarters.”

“I have already had them laundered, Captain. You may obtain them later.”

The doors of the turbolift opened. “Thank you, Commander.”

And Spock moved to his station as the captain went to his chair.


	10. The Flu

Jim accessed Spock’s quarters and entered into a blast furnace. He winced. He swore he almost started sweating immediately.

“Spock?”

“Here, Captain.” The raspy, barely there voice sounded like Spock. Kind of.

Jim approached the bed where Spock lay under what could only be described as a mountain of blankets and sheets. In fact he was covered by so many Jim suspected he’d absconded with those from Jim’s quarters and perhaps several other crewmembers.

He looked down at the very pale Vulcan.

“Hey, sweetheart. Bones told me you have the Norvarian flu.”

Spock nodded. His brown eyes were glazed and his hair stood on end.

Jim sat on the edge of the bed and touched his forehead. “You’re burning up. How hot do you have it in here?”

“95 degrees Fahrenheit.”

“That’s—that’s hot.”

“If you would like me to lower it—”

“No, Spock. I want you to have what you need. Are you cold?”

“Freezing.”

“Damn. I’m sorry you got sick. I’m gonna ream Bones a new one for not figuring this out before you got infected. What happened to Vulcans being immune to everything?”

“That is a fallacy. And I am half-human.”

Jim leaned down and kissed Spock’s feverish brow. “What do you need? What can I do for you?”

“I do not wish to inconvenience you,” Spock said with obvious reluctance.

“I’m on a break right now. Scotty’s on the bridge. I’m yours for the next four hours.”

Spock was quiet and simply stared at Jim.

“What?” Jim asked, stroking Spock’s hair. “What do you want, sweetheart?”

“I am told body heat is a good way of keeping warm,” Spock said, his soft voice straining. “I do not wish to infect you.”

“You won’t. I was inoculated against the Norvarian flu when I was on Tarsus. It was one of the few good things from those days.” Jim did not look forward to roasting to death under the covers with Spock but he also would do just about anything for his still secret lover.

Jim removed his shirts and then reached to yank off his boots.

“Are you certain?” Spock whispered. “I do not wish to make you unhappy.”

“You make me happy. Everything else doesn’t matter.”

“Computer, lower temperature twenty degrees,” Spock ordered.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Jim stood to remove his pants and boxers.

“With you in bed beside me I will not need it.”

Jim smiled and slipped under the covers. Spock immediately pulled Jim to him and plastered him against him, his arms looping around Jim’s middle. Spock gave a contented sigh and Jim decided his discomfort was worth it to make Spock happy.

Jim woke up to the sound of someone entering Spock’s quarters. He blinked his eyes blearily, trying to struggle up from the Vulcan who had decided to make Jim his bed. Spock was too heavy and would not budge.

“Okay, Spock, this should make you feel a lot better,” Bones declared from right next to the bed.

Uh-oh.

Spock stirred and began to move off Jim. “Doctor?”

“Yeah, I—Jim!” Bones had lifted the blankets that covered them.

Jim smiled sheepishly even as Spock tried to cover Jim from Bones’ gaze.

“Doctor, please let go of the blankets,” Spock said. “You are exposing the captain.”

“I can see that!” Bones said, dropping the blankets and covering his eyes.

Spock tucked the blankets around Jim. “Why are you here?”

“To give you a shot! You’re supposed to be sick.”

“And I am. The captain was keeping me warm.”

“God.”

Jim laughed. “I think you might be making it worse, Spock.”

“Jesus, Jim. Spock? Spock is your lover?”

“That is not your business, doctor.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “I think the cat’s out of the bag now, Spock.”

“The cat, doctor?”

“Never mind.” Bones stabbed Spock in the neck with a hypospray. “This should make you feel a lot better. Almost as good as new.”

“Looks like you lost that wager, Bones,” Jim said with a huge grin.

“Well, how was I supposed to know you’d lost your damn mind?”

“To what do you refer, doctor?”

Bones snorted. “I can tell he’s feeling better already. I’m going. And I just have to say, no details.”

“Details?”

“Shut up, Spock. Though, I gotta know, when? How?”

“One month and two and a half weeks ago,” Spock replied. “If you desire hours and minutes as well as seconds—”

“I don’t,” Bones interrupted.

“And as for how,” Jim said. “That’s easy. Spock was upset I got hurt during a landing party and when you released me he attacked me and fuc—”

“La, la, la,” Bones said loudly, plugging his ears. “Forget I asked. In fact, forget I was here. In fact, I never was.”

They both watched as Bones practically ran out of Spock’s quarters.

“I believe I have won the wager, Captain.”

Jim shook his head and then frowned up at Spock. “What?”

“I placed an anonymous wager.”

“You-you did? But Spock, that’s-that’s cheating.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, because you had inside knowledge.”

Spock nodded. “I see. I suppose I must forfeit my winnings. I am not used to gambling.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah, I know. How do you feel?”

“I am greatly improved.”

“Good. I think I’m due back on the bridge soon. I’d like to get a shower.”

“Do you desire company?”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Do you feel _that_ much better?”

“Affirmative.”

Jim licked his lips. “Hot damn. Then, yeah. Hell, yeah. If you’re sure.”

“I am sure.” Spock leaned down to kiss him, pressing him into the mattress.

Jim groaned. “Maybe the shower can wait.”


	11. T'Lura

When first they’d gotten the request to transport a Vulcan scientist to Space Station 7, Jim had been of the mind that it might provide Spock with some needed Vulcan companionship. Jim didn’t want to say that Spock was mopping around with depression or anything, but ever since he and Uhura had ended their relationship a month into their five-year mission, Spock had been…quiet.

The Vulcan scientist turned out to be the very attractive young Vulcan woman, T’Lura, and from the moment she had come aboard the Enterprise, she and Spock had become inseparable.

There was nothing Jim could do about it. He watched with a sick heart as Spock took his meals with T’Lura, spent long hours in the labs with T’Lura, and played chess with T’Lura. Space Station 7 could not come soon enough.

That, once again, Spock had chosen someone else over Jim, cut to the quick. If that didn’t tell him Spock would never want him as a lover, he did not know.

Bones plopped down next to him in the mess with a plate of ham and eggs. “What’s wrong with you? You look like you want to die.”

“Maybe.”

Bones eyed Jim’s mangled breakfast. “What was that?”

“French Toast, I think. I just sort of moved it around.”

“Squished it around is more like it.” Bones glanced toward where Spock and T’Lura sat. “They look pretty cozy. Weren’t they together late last night, too?”

Jim barely kept the wince from his face. “Yeah.”

Bones shook his head. “I can’t believe the hobgoblin’s getting some. I guess Spock has some sort of sex appeal these women can see. Anyway, so what’s eating you?”

“Nothing. Just—can’t wait for Space Station 7.”

Bones stared at him for a moment. “Oh, I get it.”

“Get what?”

“You are jealous.”

Jim sputtered. “What? Are you crazy? Jealous? Pish. You are crazy.”

Bones chuckled. “Yeah, you are. It’s so obvious now.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Poor Jimmy. An attractive female comes on the ship and she has no interest in him.” Bones laughed. “Yeah, that’s a real problem for you, Jim. You’re always the one they want. But not this time. She doesn’t want you, she wants Spock.”

For a long time Jim just looked at Bones, trying to figure out how it was that Bones just didn’t get it at all. But maybe Bones thinking he was jealous over T’Lura instead of Spock was a good thing.

“Yeah, okay, Bones. You got me. I’m jealous.”

“I knew it,” Bones said, triumphant. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Jim, and I can read you like a book.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Are you done with the corny clichés yet?”

“I’m still right. Face it, Jim. You win some, you lose some. ”

Apparently Bones was not done with the clichés. And certainly when it came to Spock, Jim was definitely losing.

****

“You coming down to the bar on the Space Station, Jim?” Bones asked him as they entered the transporter room. It was time for T’Lura to depart and they were going to stay for a day for some mini-shore leave while there.

Spock and T’Lura were there, talking in low tones, by the transporter.

“No, I’m gonna just stay on the ship. I’m behind on reports. The quiet time in my quarters will do me good.”

Bones frowned. “Are you sure? Scotty, Chekov and Sulu are all coming along.”

Jim patted Bones’ arm. “I’m positive. Have a good time.” He walked over to T’Lura and Spock. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“You are not,” she replied.

“I wanted to say goodbye and wish you well.”

“You are not going down to the station?”

“No.” He held up his hand in the ta’al. “Live, Long and Prosper.”

“Peace and Long Life.”

Jim nodded. “Excuse me.” He turned away in time to see Scotty, Chekov and Sulu enter.

“Are you coming vith us, Keptin?” Chekov asked, bouncing.

“No, but you guys have fun.”

“No? I vas hoping.”

“Next time.” Jim smiled. He left the transporter room and headed to his quarters. He decided to take a shower first, and when he was done with that, he dressed in loose sweat pants and a white tank top. He got himself coffee and a bowl of fruit from the synthesizer and then sat down at his terminal to work.

He’d been working an hour when his door chimed.

“Enter.”

He was mildly surprised when Spock entered his quarters. He smiled.

“Hey, I didn’t expect to see you.”

Spock arched a brow. “Why?”

“I thought you’d go down with T’Lura.”

“What for?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t know. Spend some last few hours with her before you are parted.” A horrible thought occurred to Jim. He hated the thought. “Are you, uh, gonna bond? I know Vulcans like to bond.”

Spock simply stared at Jim. “Bond with whom?”

“T’Lura. Geez, did I have to spell it out?”

“Apparently you do,” Spock said softly. “You believe I had a romantic interest in T’Lura?”

“Well…yeah. Don’t you?”

“I find her to be a fascinating colleague, but I never had an interest in deepening our relationship.” Spock shook his head. “My attentions in that regard lies elsewhere.”

“Oh.” Jim frowned. Figured he’d get everything wrong. Not that he felt any better about it. Spock just admitted to having an interest in someone else. “You just spent all your time with her. I guess I just thought so.”

“We shared common interests,” Spock acknowledged. “And she is one of the remaining Vulcans. I had hoped you would join us for some of the meals, but you were reluctant to do so.”

“Because I thought you…oh, never mind. I’m an idiot.”

Spock shifted. “I confess that I am at a loss.”

“A loss?”

“I had thought my romantic intentions were clear but in light of your erroneous conclusions, I can see they are not.”

Jim shrugged. “Well, I guess as long as you’ve made it clear to the object of your affections, it doesn’t really matter if it’s clear to me or not.”

A muscle ticked in Spock’s jaw.

“What?"

Spock very nearly sighed. “My romantic intentions are directed toward you.”

Jim’s chair slipped. Or rather he slipped in his chair. He couldn’t have heard right. He had to be dreaming. And being the highly intelligent man he was, he asked, “What?”

Spock had, clearly, lost patience with him, because he went to the other side of Jim’s desk and pulled him to his feet. “You share my regard, do you not?”

“Regard?”

Spock shook him.

Jim gaped. “Are you man-handling me?”

Spock released him instantly. The tips of his ears were green. “My apologies.”

Jim smiled then, his heart beat fast. “Of course I do. You may have to hit me over the head for me to notice your regard, but I’m pretty damn obvious.”

“I do not wish to physically assault you.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jim smirked. “Actually, I want to physically assault you.”

Spock’s eyebrow went up. “Captain?”

Jim pushed Spock toward the bed. “Get naked, Spock. I want to fuck you.”

He was pleased when Spock immediately began to remove his clothing without any protest. Jim figured nothing could be better than a naked, pliant Vulcan.

When they were both unclothed Jim pushed Spock down onto the mattress and straddled him, plastering his mouth over Spock’s. He explored every inch of the inside of Spock’s mouth with his tongue. His hands roamed over the smooth, hard flesh of Spock’s muscular body.

Jim broke the kiss so he could breathe and he was pleased when even Spock’s breaths were labored. “Have you ever had a man inside you, Spock?” Jim asked softly.

“Negative,” Spock responded, his voice rough. “But I am amenable.”

Jim swallowed, feeling almost overwhelmed by Spock for a moment. Then he shook himself. “It’ll be good.”

“I trust you,” Spock assured him.

Jim had to kiss Spock again for that. “Be right back,” he said against Spock’s lips. He scooted over to the other side of the bed and took the lube out of the drawer next to his bunk.

Spock was already half-hard as Jim glanced down at him, so he decided to do something about that. He edged down between Spock’s legs.

“Jim?"

“Shh. Just wait.”

He squirted a large amount of lube onto his fingers and pressed one inside Spock’s hole. The Vulcan stiffened but made no sound. After moving his finger around a bit, Jim added another. This time Spock’s only reaction was to spread his legs a little farther apart. Jim exhaled slowly, not wanting to rush this. This was Spock. He was getting Spock. And Spock trusted him.

Very slowly he pressed a third finger in, pushing as gently as he could. He heard the intake of Spock’s breath.

“You want me to stop?”

“Negative.”

Jim continued to saw his fingers within Spock, and now he opened his mouth over the tip of Spock’s cock. He darted his tongue out to flick the slit.

“Jim!”

 _Success_!

Jim captured Spock’s cock in his mouth and began to draw it further down, swallowing it down to deep throat it. Spock pushed against him, thrashing on the bed as Jim sucked him and fucked him with his fingers.

Spock growled low in his throat and emptied down Jim’s throat. Jim did his best to swallow what he could, but eventually he had to let Spock go so he could breath. He slipped his fingers out and then rose above Spock.

Spock’s eyes were at half-mast as he stared up at Jim.

“Ready?”

Spock nodded.

Jim slowly pushed inside Spock, careful not to rush ahead like some randy bull.

Spock made a little noise, so Jim stilled instantly. “Are you all right?"

“It is an adjustment.”

“A-a bad adjustment, a good adjustment or an indifferent adjustment?”

“An adjustment.”

Jim closed his eyes and counted to ten, being careful not to move.

“You may commence movement.”

He laughed. He simply could not help it. Shaking his head, Jim began to thrust inside his very tight Vulcan. It was ecstasy, it was amazing. Better than he dreamed. And he’d dreamed a lot.

He didn’t last long. This was Spock he was fucking after all. Gorgeous and stiff and oh so logical. Jim screamed, "Spock", as he came inside him.

It took a long time for Jim’s breathing to return to normal and Spock was gently rubbing his back as they lay together. The bed wasn’t really big enough for the two of them, but somehow it didn’t matter.

“That was…jeez.”

“That is not very descriptive,” Spock murmured.

“Unexpected.”

“I did believe my interest was clear.”

Jim sighed. “I wish you’d made it clearer. I thought for sure you were sleeping with T’Lura. When you broke up with Uhura, I thought maybe, but then…nothing. I thought I must be wrong. And I was _sure_ I was wrong when T’Lura came on board.”

“I would hope my interest is at last clear.”

“Very. And I gotta say, next time, I want you to fuck me.” Jim stiffened.

“What?”

“I mean…you know…if there is a next time.”

Spock ruffled Jim’s hair. “There will be a next time. Many next times.”

Jim smiled. “Good. So, next time, then.”

“When will you be ready?”

“Any time.”

Spock nodded. “Very well. I am amenable now.”

Jim found himself flat on his back and with a dangerous looking Vulcan peering down at him. “Wait, what?”

“You said, any time.”

“That’s a figure of speech, Spock!”

“Clarify.”

“Uh, I need a little longer. Okay?”

Spock arched a brow. “Very well. You will advise me when you are ready to proceed?”

Jim laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I will.’

Spock settled back down beside him and held him close. Jim sighed with contentment.    


	12. Afterward

It took me a long time to find him. He was not in any of the usual spots. I’d been searching for an hour when I finally did find him. For a long time I just stood in the doorway of the establishment watching him. He had not yet given me any indication he had seen me.

He was reading with a pot of tea in front of him.

A waitress saw me watching him and smiled. “He’s been here for an hour. That’s his second pot.”

I stepped over to him. His gaze rose to mine.

“I’m sorry, Spock.”

“For what do you apologize?” Spock asked with no inflection in his tone.

I barely held back a sigh. I should have known he would not make this easy. “You know why.”

“You are perhaps guilty of so many infractions it is not readily apparent for which you choose to apologize this time.”

My jaw clenched and I asked, “Can I sit down?”

Spock inclined his head.

I sat across from him and poured myself some of his tea into an empty cup sitting there. “You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?”

The eyebrow arched up. “No.” 

I briefly closed my eyes, trying to think of what I could say. What I should say. I hated that it always seemed to be me who needed to apologize. When I opened my eyes he was watching me, waiting.

“What I said…I didn’t mean any of it. It’s just sometimes—I don’t think before I open my big mouth.” I bit my bottom lip. “God, Spock, you know I love you, right?”

Spock’s eyes softened as he touched his fingers to mine. “You must know by now I would forgive you anything. “


	13. Forget

I found him on the observation deck. Logically I should have looked there first but I had trusted the computer when it had informed me he was in Engineering.

He sat on the floor, knees pulled to his chest, arms wrapped around the knees. His head rested on his arms. He still wore his uniform pants and undershirt but he had removed the gold tunic.

“You are hiding,” I said as I approached him. “You have reprogrammed the computer to misidentify your location. A violation of regulation one hundred nineteen and –”

“File a report.”

“Jim.”

He sighed. “What do you want?”

“You are distressed. I wish to offer comfort.”

“Well, listing the regulation I’ve violated probably isn’t the way to do it.” He lifted his head, gazed at me, his eyes filled with almost unbearable sadness. “Ship business?”

“No.” I sat down beside him, and rested my hand on one of his knees. “I request that you do not reprogram the computer in this manner again. I am aware of your superior programming knowledge, but for your safety I must insist on maintaining accuracy.”

He closed his eyes. “Okay.”

“I wish to know what you require.”

“To be left alone.”

For a moment, I did not reply, but then I said, “I cannot do so.”

“How am I supposed to deal with this?” he asked softly. “So many lives lost in a blink of an eye.”

“You need not do it alone.”

He opened his eyes again and stared at me in silence for several seconds. “I’m not very good company right now.”

“I do not need to be entertained,” I told him. “If you accompany me to my quarters you may rest while I do reports.”

“You can do reports without me there.”

“I prefer your presence.”

He sighed then and gave me a ghost of the smile I knew he was capable of. “You’re determined to take care of me, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” I stood then and reached my hand down to grasp his to pull him to his feet. I was pleased when he did so with no resistance.

We left the observation deck with no further conversation and I was pleased when he followed me to my quarters without further protest.

Once inside, I removed his clothing and gently pushed him into bed, covering him up.

“How do you put up with me?” he asked, his lips quirking up at the corners.

“I do not know,” I told him with a small smile of my own. I rested my hand on his face as he closed his eyes. He drifted to sleep almost immediately and I whispered, “Forget.”


	14. Transfer Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised and expanded

After a long day of meetings to complete before the mission would begin, Jim grabbed a quick meal on his way home and then sat on his couch with his PADD to take care of a few more tasks before going to sleep. He’d noticed a couple of transfer requests had come through, but he hadn‘t had a chance to look at them yet.

The first one he agreed to with no hesitation. The ensign desired to be on Earth to be closer to an ill parent. The next one made his chest ache with a searing pain.

 _Commander Spock, requests transfer off the Enterprise_.

No other details had been provided.

A pain started behind his eyes and Jim pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the headache coming. He reached for his communicator but then there was a soft knock on his door.

Jim tossed his PADD aside and stood to answer the door. Somehow he was not surprised to see Spock standing there. For a long time they just stared at each other, neither of them speaking. It felt like his heart had leapt into his throat, threatening to choke him. Jim kept his hand on the edge of the door. Spock stood at parade rest.

“Want to come in?” he asked softly.

“I am not certain. I believe coming here was a mistake.”

Jim nodded. “All right.” He paused. Made himself ask, “You want a transfer?”

“I believe that would be in our best interests.”

He forced air from his lungs and ignored the twisting pain in his gut. “I’ll approve the transfer then.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“Sure. Bye, Spock.” He went to close the door.

“Captain?”

“Yeah?”

“I thought you would attempt to dissuade me.”

Jim shook his head. “I apologized. I don’t know what else to do, Spock, to make you feel comfortable serving on the Enterprise. I can’t take back what I said. I can’t change the way I feel. You obviously are uncomfortable with it.”

Spock inclined his head and turned away, walking back down the corridor. For a moment Jim watched him leaving, wondering if this really would be the last time he’d ever see Spock. Spock hadn’t said where he wanted to go, Jim hadn’t asked.

He closed the door and locked it, resting his forehead against it for just a moment of self-pitying indulgence. But what he’d told Spock was true. He couldn’t take back the words. God knew he wanted to.

Jim went back to the couch and picked up his communicator. It didn’t take long for Bones to answer.

“What’s up, Jim?”

He lay down on the couch, on his back and closed his eyes. “Spock requested a transfer.”

“What? Why? That stupid hobgoblin.”

“My fault.”

“Your fault? After he stood vigil beside your hospital bed for two weeks he just says goodbye?”

Jim rubbed the ache in his chest. “I fucked up, Bones.”

“How?”

“I told him.”

“You told him what?”

Jim sighed. “I told him told him.”

There was a long pause. “Oh.”

He was getting choked up and God he felt like an idiot. He sat up and wiped his face. “Yeah. It didn’t go well.”

“I’m sorry, Jim.”

“Me, too. Life goes on, huh?”

“You want me to come over there?” Bones asked gently.

“No, I’m rotten company. I’ll be fine, Bones.”

“No drowning yourself in booze. It’s not good for you.”

Jim smiled. Bones was always looking out for him, at least. “I won’t. I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.”

“I’ll come by for breakfast.”

“Okay, thanks, Bones.”

Jim closed his communicator and picked up his PADD, staring at Spock’s request. His finger hovered over the approval, but then he set it down and went into the bathroom for his shower.

He let himself have the luxury of an extra long, extra hot water shower. He had dressed in plaid pajama bottoms his mom had sent him and was just pulling on a T-shirt when his doorbell rang.

Jim smiled as he went to the door. Bones had decided to come over after all. He could be a real mother hen.

He opened the door, “Bones, why don’t you—”

Only it was not Bones.

“Captain,” Spock said softly. “If I have interrupted anything, I apologize.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Perhaps I should come inside.”

Jim held the door open for him and Spock walked passed him and into the apartment. “Why are you here? I thought you said everything you had to say.”

“I have not.”

Jim leaned against the wall by the door. “I meant what I said before.”

“I am aware.”

“Including when I said it wouldn’t change anything. I would never act on anything. I would be completely professional,” Jim assured him. When he had told Spock of his feelings, Jim had seen immediately that the news was unwelcome for Spock.

“It has changed everything, whether or not either of us wishes it.”

Jim nodded, swallowed the lump in his throat. His chest was constricting again and he just wanted Spock to go away and stop torturing him. “I haven’t approved it yet. But I will. Assuming you still want it.”

“It would be best,” Spock said quietly.

“Okay.” He pushed himself from the wall and walked past Spock’s position. “Then there really is nothing else to say, is there?”

But Spock said nothing.

“Where are you going to go?” Jim asked, finally.

Spock shook his head. “I thought to resign from Starfleet and help with the restoration of the colony.”

“Oh.” He clenched his fist, dug his nails into the palm of his hand.

“However, I find that in this case I do not want to do what is best.”

Jim frowned. “What exactly are you saying?”

Without turning around, Spock said, “I return your feelings.”

Jim laughed a little. Maybe he was hysterical. “You aren’t even looking at me.”

Spock stiffened but he turned around. “I share your feelings.”

“From all the way across the room?”

Spock walked over to where Jim stood. His dark eyes were stormy, filled with emotional turmoil. It had cost Spock much to come back and admit all this to Jim.

Jim searched his gaze. “Are you sure? Cause you really have to be sure.”

“I am sure, Jim.” He held up two fingers and waited for Jim to meet them with his own.

Jim touched his fingers to Spock’s and if his hand shook a little, who could blame him? “Then…transfer request denied.”


	15. Loud

Jim plopped down in front of Bones who was eating a bowl of cereal with his eyes half-closed. Bones peered at him.

“Am I loud?” Jim whispered.

“Huh?

Jim looked around the mess room. To the left, to the right. Behind him. Bones followed his gaze each time. 

“Am I too loud?”

“Right now? I can hardly hear you.”

“Generally.”

Bones grimaced. “Jim, what the hell is going on with you this time?”

“Just answer, geez. Am I loud?”

“You mean speaking?”

Jim sighed and leaned his chin in his hands. “Yeah. I have a loud voice, huh?”

Bones closed his eyes. “I don’t think I've had enough coffee for this.”

“Bones.”

Bones opened his eyes and stabbed at his cereal like he was angry with it. “Okay, yeah. You have a loud voice. Something wrong with that?”

Jim deflated. “Yeah. I mean, sure. It means I’m obnoxious.”

“Says who?” Bones demanded.

“Spock.”

His friend groaned. “I should have known this had to do with the hobgoblin. What did he do now?”

“Just said, you know, that I was right next to him and I didn't need to yell, he could hear just fine.” Jim pursed his lips. “What about…you know the other thing.”

“The other thing?”

“You used to room with me. Did I, you know, make too much noise?” Jim knew he was bright red.

Bones stared at him like he wanted to stab him like he had the cereal. “I’m late for sickbay.”

“Bones.”

His friend stood up. “I’m not gonna have this conversation with you.”

“I do, don’t I? Ah, geez.”

But Bones was running out the door of the mess. Jim rolled his eyes and turned around. That’s when he saw her, sitting by herself. With a shrug, he got some coffee and went to sit down with her.

“Hi Carol.”

“Jim, Good morning.” She smiled.

“Look.” He cleared his throat. “I need to ask you something.”

“All right.”

“Did I…when you and I…did I make a lot of noise?”

Carol stared at him like she was considering calling security. “Jim, you have to know that isn’t going to happen between us again, right? I mean it was great, um, sure, while it happened, but we’re really not going down that route again.”

Jim laughed. “What? No, no.”

“I mean, aren't you and Mr. Spock—”

“Yes, God, yes. Carol, trust me, I have no desire to go back there.” He winced. “Er, sorry.”

“No, I agree, believe me. So, then, why the weird question?”

“Spock kind of said some stuff about how much noise I make, you know, during.”

Carol looked vastly amused. “I see.”

“You’re totally laughing at me.”

“Perhaps.” She shook her head. “Honestly, Jim, if that’s your biggest issue with Spock, I really wouldn’t worry about it.”

He sighed. “You’re a big help. I gotta go to the bridge.”

****

Jim lay panting beside Spock, a fine sheen of sweat covering his sated body. He closed his eyes and snuggled close to Spock.

“What is wrong?”

Jim opened his eyes. “Uh, wrong?”

“You did not behave normally.”

“What?”

“Jim.” Spock sat up and practically glared down at him. “You were being deliberately quiet.”

“No, no, I wasn't,” Jim insisted, not meeting Spock’s eyes.

“Jim.” Spock placed his hand on Jim’s bare chest. “You are impossible.”

“Why?”

“I did not tell you not to make noise.”

Jim turned over on his side, facing away from Spock. “Didn’t you?”

“I did not. I merely commented that you freely vocalize during periods when you are experiencing pleasure.”

“Oh, God.”

“I never expressed displeasure.”

“Yeah, well.”

For a while the room was quiet as they both did not speak. Spock had begun to rub Jim’s back.

“Ashaya.”

“Yeah?”

“Mentioning something is not a criticism,” Spock said as he continued to rub Jim’s back.

Jim nodded, licked his lips. “Okay.”

“The truth is…I enjoy it when you whimper.”

Jim smiled. “What else?”

“I like your animal noises.” Spock dipped his hand down to Jim’s ass and suddenly a loud slap sounded in the quiet quarters and Jim’s cheek stung.

“Hey!”

“I like that, too.”

Jim turned and flopped onto his back, making sure his bare ass was safely away from his Vulcan. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Spock leaned down to kiss him. “Next time ask me if there is something you need clarification for instead of Dr. McCoy or Carol Marcus.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Wait! You know about that?”

“I know everything that happens on this ship, t’hy’la.”

“You really are scary sometimes, Spock.”

“Indeed.”


	16. 200 Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend challenged me to write something for Spirk in 200 words, so this is what you get

Spock’s new duties as ambassador required him to make a two day stop on Starbase 12. He’d had an earlier meeting. Now he sat at a booth in the base’s restaurant having a meal and tea.

He was halfway through his meal when he spotted the man he could never have forgotten entering the restaurant. He was older now, perhaps a little thicker in the middle than he had once been, but still heartbreakingly beautiful. Spock felt a familiar ache for this splendid being.

The man’s gaze alighted on Spock and he made his way over to the table. He looked down at Spock with a smile that could rival the brightness of any sun.

“Spock! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Jim, it is pleasing to see you. Would you care to join me?”

Jim did not sit across from Spock as perhaps ordinary men would. Instead he slid into the booth, next to Spock. Their thighs touched.

“Weren’t you supposed to head to New Vulcan?”

“My presence was requested here for a meeting. I believed you would be on Starbase 14.”

“Got changed to 12.” Jim stroked Spock’s fingers. “Lucky us.”

“Indeed.” Their bond hummed with pleasure.


	17. Loss

Jim stepped off the transporter, quickly noting that the only one still in the room was the transporter chief.

“Welcome back, Captain.”

“Thanks. Anything unusual to report?”

“No, sir. The others left just a moment ago.”

Jim nodded and exited. He headed for the turbolift, assuming Spock had likely gone to the bridge. That was generally his destination after returning from a mission. He usually waited for Jim, but not this time. He suspected he knew why. Spock was more affected by the death of Lieutenant Clayborne than he wanted to admit.

Clayborne had been working in the labs on some experiment with Spock and though Spock would not admit it, he’d considered Clayborne a friend.

But when he made it to the bridge, Spock was not there. Uhura was though and she had been with the landing party as well, so Jim headed to her station.

“Hey, Spock didn’t come with you?”

She shook her head. “Went in another direction. He hasn’t been in contact with you?”

“No,” Jim replied. He squeezed her shoulder and went to his chair. “Scotty report to the bridge.”

“Aye, Captain.”

A few minutes later, Scotty arrived and reported to Jim.

“Take the conn for a bit, will you?”

“Sure thing, sir.”

Jim went to the turbolift and just as he was about to step in, Bones stepped out.

“Jim—”

“Not now, Bones.”

“You know I insist you report to sickbay after every mission.”

“I didn’t get hurt.”

“ _You_ didn’t get hurt?”

“No, I didn’t. Clayborne got killed though and I think maybe Spock’s upset.”

“The hobgoblin?”

Jim sighed. “Yes. Bones, you know he feels, so don’t give me your crap right now, okay?”

Bones’ face softened. “All right, Jim. Sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Dinner later?”

“Yeah, just let me know.”

Jim smiled and entered the turbolift. He hit the button inside. “Computer, locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is in Lab 13.”

Jim rubbed the ache in his chest and directed the turbolift there. He found Spock alone, sitting at a table, logging in equipment.

“Hey.”

Spock looked up but then his gaze went back to his work. “Captain.”

He pulled up a chair and sat next to his first officer. “You okay?”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Clayborne—”

Spock nodded.

“What do you need?” Jim asked softly.

Spock met his gaze. “I am uncompromised.”

“You sure? You didn’t make it to the bridge.”

“I apologize.”

“No, don’t.” Jim bit his lip. “Look, I know, um, you and me, we’ve just gotten together the one time. I’m really stupid at this sort of thing. Do you want to—”

Spock shook his head. “I am sorry, Jim, but sexual congress right now would not be ideal.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Jim sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Told you I was stupid. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to your quarters. I’d give you the time off to meditate.”

Spock hesitated. “Meditation may be beneficial.”

“You have all the time you need.” Jim got up and took his hand. “Come on.”

“I do know the way to my quarters.”

Jim smiled, he didn’t feel happy or anything, but he smiled nevertheless. “I know. Indulge me, okay?”

“Yes, Captain.”

They were quiet on the way to Spock’s quarters but when they got inside, Jim told Spock to sit down. Then he made tea in the synthesizer and brought it to Spock.

“What are you doing, Jim?”

He knelt next to Spock. “I don’t know.  Trying to help. Comfort you. It’s just I really don’t know what I’m—” Jim stopped. Sighed. Words never seemed to help him. He sucked at words half the time. He always seemed to say the wrong thing to Spock. He rose and sat next to Spock, then reached for his hand. He licked his lips and pressed his index and middle fingers to Spock’s. “I don’t know what to do for you.”

Spock’s dark eyes softened and he put his arm around Jim and drew him close. “You are doing fine.”

Jim rested his head on Spock’s shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to meditate?”

Spock shook his head. “I am fine where I am now.”

Jim swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I grieve with thee.”

And Spock squeezed his hand.   


	18. Gran

He had hardly any money, even for the bus fare, really. And really he didn’t care about her one bit. Not one. But a promise was a promise and he’d made one.

Jim hated promises.

He’d boarded the bus for the long journey there. Trying to think about anything but her. Anyone but them.

It took hours and he wondered why he just hadn’t sold something to upgrade to a fast way of getting there. Himself maybe. Wouldn’t have been the first time. He was bored and tired, sick of this feeling, this moment. These people on the bus with him who didn’t know him, didn’t care anything about him or each other.

Jim hated promises.

He didn’t sleep at all on the way. He never slept around strangers. Always had to stay alert. If you slept in front of strangers they either stole from you or killed you. Jim didn’t need either scenario.

When he stepped off the bus, he saw her. The other her, of course. The one he’d promised. She stood off alone at the end of the platform, short and slim, a tiny little thing, especially compared to him.

He took a few steps to reach her side. She didn’t comment on his lack of bags with him. Of course she wouldn’t.

Jim hugged her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight. “Hi, Gran.”

“Jimmy,” she said softly, squeezing the stuffing out of him really. She pulled back then and eyed him critically. “I wasn’t sure you’d come. I thought you wouldn’t.”

“A promise is a promise.”

Gran nodded. “It’s been a long time, Jimmy. How long has it been?”

“Too long, right?”

“Yes.” She linked her arm with his. “Come on then.”

He followed her out to her old truck. Jim was a little amused she still had it. It looked about the same too.

“This thing still work?” he asked, hoisting himself up into the cab.

“Sure does. And don’t you get sassy. Old things still work.”

“You’re right, Gran. I’ve been dutifully reprimanded.”

The old farmhouse didn’t look the same. It looked lonely, desolate. More dilapidated. But who was really here to help with the upkeep? He felt a twinge of guilt, tamped it down.

When they got inside, she indicated the stairs. “You can come help me.”

“Help?”

“Yep.” She headed up the stairs, grabbing the railing as she went, and going very slow.

Jim was reminded of just how old and frail she was now. He found it increasingly difficult to swallow past the lump as he followed her up.

At the top she turned toward the right, where her room was. Jim went in there with Gran and tried not to feel the utter emptiness there.

“What are we doing?”

“Funeral home wants a dress to bury her in. You can help me pick one out.”

Gran went to the closet and peered inside. Her bony hand passed by many until it landed on one she withdrew and held up for Jim to see.

It was white with tiny blue flowers and frilly sleeves. Very pretty.

Jim frowned. “I don’t remember this. She wore it?”

Gran nodded, fingering it. “Right after you were born. She wore it a lot then.” Gran raised her eyes to Jim’s face. “She said the blue of the flowers reminded her of your father’s eyes.”

Jim felt the sting of tears, he shook his head.

Jim hated promises.

Gran sighed and lowered her eyes to the dress. “This one’ll do. I don’t suppose it really matters what she’s buried in, does it? She won’t know the difference. None of us do.”

“No, that’s true. But I think that dress is perfect.”

He had this urge to hug her again, so he did. He pulled her close and gave her the biggest hug he thought she could stand.

“I missed you, Gran.”

She sniffed. “I missed you, too, Jimmy.”


	19. Missing Pants and Teddy Bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend of mine has challenged me to write a One-Shot for every Friday using two things she gives to me. This is the first one.

He’d called Bones in a bit of a panic. He woke up still a little drunk in his hotel room on Risa, the pleasure planet. And judging by the way he felt and the state of his room, he’d indulged in way too much pleasure.

Jim sat on the edge of the bed trying to tamp down on the rising panic. The room smelled of sex. Lots of sex. Hell, Jim could tell from his body he’d had lots of sex. Lots. Every orifice was throbbing from abuse.

He buried his face in his hands and waited for the knock on the door. When it came he hurried to it and let Bones in.

“Please tell me you brought my pants.”

Bones rolled his eyes and stepped into the room. He glanced at Jim, dressed only in his boxer briefs. He handed Jim a fresh clean uniform, including pants, merciful heaven.

“What the hell happened to you?” Bones demanded. He shook his head. “How many hickies do you have?”

“They’re, uh, more like bite marks, then, uh, sucked.” He felt himself blush. In front of Bones, no less.

“And what happened to your pants? You did have them with you when you got here, didn’t you?”

“Yes! I don’t know what happened to them. When I woke up I was alone and I looked everywhere for my pants. Do you think he or she took them?”

Bones stared at him wide-eyed. “You don’t even know who you slept with?”

“Er. Well. I think it was a he. Because…well because.” Jim was not going to describe his sore ass to Bones, even if Bones was a doctor. “But you know this is Risa so it could have been a she with, um, with, um, toys.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Bones buried his face in his hands. “You’re too much, Jimmy. You really are. Why would they, whoever they are, take your damn pants? A souvenir for having been with the great Captain Kirk?”

“You don’t have to be so sarcastic. And how should I know? But they are totally gone.” Jim looked toward the bathroom. “I’m gonna get a quick shower and get dressed. Stay here, would you?”

Bones sat on the small couch in the suite. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

Jim took a very quick shower, wincing at all his sore parts. He had bruises forming on his hip bones so whoever he’d had sex with was very strong and somewhat aggressive. He was a little surprised he’d forgotten because that had never happened to him before.

When he’d dressed in his uniform, he went back out to where Bones waited.

His friend was holding a big, fluffy blue teddy bear. And he was grinning from ear to ear. “What’s this, Jim?”

Jim took a moment to think about it and then, thankfully he remembered. “Oh, yeah. Okay. When we first got down here, I talked Spock into going to the carnival with me. You know the one they have on Third Street?”

“Yeah,” Bones replied.

“They have all those old fashioned games where you win prizes. I made Spock play one and he got the bear for me.”

Bones chuckled. “Spock won you a teddy bear.”

Jim felt himself blush. “Well, you know. It wasn’t like that.”

“It sounds just like that.”

Jim rubbed the back of his hot neck. “It wasn’t. Anyway. Thanks for coming to my rescue.”

“Okay,” Bones said, setting the bear down on the couch next to him. “Let’s think this thing through. You spent time with Spock at the carnival.”

“Yeah.”

“So, at some point, you got separated from the hobgoblin. No doubt he went back to the ship. I’m kinda surprised he came down to the planet at all. Never does take shore leave.”

“I know.” Jim sat on the arm of the couch. “But first we went to the bar and then the carnival.”

“You got Spock to go to a bar?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. We drank this really good concoction too. Tasted like chocolate.”

“Hmm.” Bones grimaced. “So, did you go back to the bar after you ditched Spock?”

Jim frowned. They’d left the bar pretty fucking drunk, as he now recalled. It was starting to come back to him. Spock had been oddly touchy feely. He remembered now that Spock had chosen the blue bear.

“It matches your eyes,” Spock had said, staring rather intently at Jim.

And then…they’d stopped at a little store after the carnival. He’d purchased a big bottle of chocolate liqueur. They’d made their way to the hotel room and then—

“Spock!” Jim exclaimed, standing.

“What about Spock?”

“I didn’t get separated from Spock, Bones.”

“What? Wait. Does that mean—?”

“Yes! Oh, my God.” Jim sat down again hard, and winced at the soreness. It all came rushing back to him. They’d been all over each other. He’d ripped Spock’s pants. Spock had been growling. At one point he’d straddled Spock while holding the damn bear. Fuck. He was pretty sure Spock had scratch marks all down his back, too.

Bones looked like he was about to have a heart attack. “Does that mean he took your pants?”

“His were ripped,” Jim said, rather distracted with images of Spock slamming into him.

“Holy hell,” Bones muttered. “So, he skipped out on you?”

“Yeah.” Jim exhaled slowly. He was feeling less wasted and more hung over now. A headache of epic proportions was beginning to form. “Let’s get back to the ship. I need one of your hangover cures.”

Bones rose and picked up the bear. “You want him?”

Of course, Jim knew he was talking about the teddy bear but he couldn’t help thinking it applied to Spock. “Yeah, yeah, I do.” He grabbed the bear and they left the hotel room.

****

It was more than an hour later by the time Jim got back to his quarters. He’d gotten a few second looks as he carried the blue teddy bear with him, but he chose to ignore them.

Sitting on his bed, neatly folded were his missing pants. He set the bear on top of them and went through their shared bathroom and lightly tapped on the connecting door.

“Come.”

He hesitated only a moment, but he opened the door. Spock was seated behind his desk, all neat and tidy in his uniform, hair all straight and proper.

Jim cleared his throat. “Hey.”

“Captain.”

He tried not to wince at the cool neutrality of Spock’s tone.

“How do you feel?”

“I seem to have recovered from the overindulgence of alcohol.”

Jim wondered if that meant he’d recovered from the overindulgence in Jim. “Me, too. Thanks, um, for the return of my pants.”

“I apologize for taking them. Mine were ruined. I did intend to send you new ones to wear, but I was informed Dr. McCoy had been summoned.”

Jim licked his lips and nodded. “Yeah. I guess I owe you an apology, Spock.”

“For?”

He shrugged. “Taking advantage of you. If you want to file a report, I won’t stop you. I’d deserve it too.”

Spock said nothing, simply continued to stare at Jim.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, sorry to disturb you.”

Jim turned and went back into his quarters. He had work to do, probably, even though they were technically on shore leave still for another couple of days. Reports were never done. Sometimes it seemed like he had to do reports on reports.

His mind wasn’t really on it. His heart definitely wasn’t. He had no idea what was going to happen now between him and Spock. It was his own fault, too. So in love with Spock he just couldn’t keep his hands to himself and now look where he was. Probably lost Spock even as a friend.

Jim went to the replicator intending to get coffee. He closed his eyes and leaned against the bulkhead for just a moment.

“Jim?”

He froze, breath catching in his throat and turned around.

Spock stood just inside his quarters, his brown eyes intense like a fathomless pool.

Jim rushed over to him, threw his arms around Spock’s neck and kissed him hard. Spock’s arms came around Jim’s waist and pulled him impossibly close. Somehow Jim felt relief, happiness, love, and desire, and it took him a moment to realize those emotions did not come from him.

“Spock,” he whispered against the Vulcan’s soft, warm lips.

Spock leaned his forehead on Jim’s. “You feel it too?”

“Everything. I feel everything.”

Spock closed his eyes. “I am gratified.”

Jim kissed him again.

“Is it all right if we spend the other two days of shore leave on the Enterprise instead of planet-side?” Spock asked softly.

Jim smiled. “Anything. Anything you want.”

“I want you.”

His heart pounded fast. “You definitely can have me.”

 


	20. The Words

“You busy?”

Spock looked up from his station to find Captain Kirk standing next to him. Kirk stared at him, both of his eyebrows raised in question.

Before Spock had a chance to respond, however, Kirk spoke again.

“Never mind. Of course you’re busy.”

“Captain, if there is something you require, just state it.”

Kirk shook his head, rubbed the back of his neck, and then turned to survey the bridge. Spock noticed Nyota glancing in their direction curiously.

“No, it’s nothing,” Kirk said softly. “You have the conn.”

Spock watched his captain as he exited the bridge.

When the shift was over, Spock left and headed for the captain’s quarters. He found him behind his desk, his focus on the terminal in front of him.

“Captain?”

Kirk looked up at Spock finally. “Sorry, Spock. I shouldn’t have left like that. I’m just…I don’t think I know how to do this.”

Spock’s insides went cold. He did not think he misunderstood and yet, he said, “Clarify.”

“This.” Kirk gestured between himself and Spock. “I thought I could, you know. I wanted to. But I’m really not…I don’t think I can.”

“I do not believe that I misunderstand you, but in case I have, you no longer-”

Kirk winced then, bit his lip. “I thought I’d be able to say it. You know, the words, but it’s—”

Spock exhaled slowly. “Jim, I never need the words.”

“You don’t?”

“I do not. If you can never say the words, it will not matter. My regard for you will not change. And I know how you feel without saying them. It is not needed. Not between us.”

“You deserve someone who can say them.”

“I deserve you.”

Kirk smiled then. “I can say them in standard.”

Spock shook his head. The man was impossible really. For a moment, he had thought—but he should have known.

“As I have said,” Spock said, coming over to Kirk’s side of the desk and drawing Kirk to his feet. “I do not need the words in Vulcan.”

“I tried practicing.”

“I have an idea.”

“What?” Kirk asked as Spock’s hands framed his jaw.

“I will say them for both of us. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

Kirk sighed. “You do a much better job of that than I ever could.”

Spock’s thumb brushed Kirk’s bottom lip. “As I said, I do not need the words. I can feel it.”

“You deserve better.”

“I deserve you,” Spock said again, kissing him silent this time.


	21. A Dozen Donuts and a Broken Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This weeks challenge from my friend

“What are you going to do now?” Bones asked Jim as he stood by the door of their dorm room. He was getting ready to meet another of their friends for drinks.

“Spock’s coming over.”

“That Vulcan guy?”

Jim grinned. “Yep. He’s a professor.”

“That should be against the rules,” Bones muttered.

“Vulcans being professors or me dating one.”

“How about both?”

Jim laughed. “I think both are fine. Um, listen, if you can stay somewhere else tonight, that might be best.”

Bones frowned. “You’re planning to do the nasty with him?”

“Of course.”

“Isn’t this only your second date?”

“Don’t be so old fashioned. Besides, technically it’s our fourth one cause of the two times we had tea.”

“Still can’t believe you joined the tea club.”

“I joined it  _because_  I wanted to meet Spock. Worked too. And anyway, it’s been fun. I’ve learned to like weird teas now.”

“You’re hopeless,” Bones told him. “All right, I’ll make myself scarce. But if there’s a next time, go to his place for it.”

“Okay.”

Bones left and Jim started to get restless. This was it. His first time with Spock. And God, he really liked Spock. Maybe even was falling in love with Spock. He’d barely admitted that even to himself.

He felt a little queasy even thinking about it. Jim didn’t do relationships and love and all that. And falling for a Vulcan of all things was really scary. He picked up his communicator and started tossing it in the air as he paced waiting for Spock.

Spock was always punctual of course. But Jim had been preparing all day for what he hoped would happen. And that was the problem. What if Spock didn’t want him the way he wanted Spock?

Jim plopped down in the desk chair with a sigh and tossed the communicator higher. Maybe he should contact Spock and postpone it. That way if Spock totally didn’t want him, then he wouldn’t have to know.

But what if Spock wanted him just as much and if Jim canceled he’d feel bad.

“I’m such an idiot,” he said out loud, tossing his communicator, only this time he threw it too hard and too wide and it went right into the weird glowy light Bones had on his desk. The light made a loud shattering glass sound and the damn thing flew everywhere. “Ah, shit.”

The door of his dorm room opened without a knock.

“Jim? Are you all right? I heard a crash.” Spock stood there, looking concerned and holding a cardboard box.

Jim sighed. “Hi. Yeah, I just broke Bones’ light. He’s gonna kill me.”

Spock closed the door. “To execute you over the destruction of his property seems unduly excessive.”

“Well, that’s Bones.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “If he is that irrational and violent we will need to relocate you at once.”

Jim laughed. “No, he’s not. It’s just…I think someone in his family gave him that light. I shouldn’t have been throwing my communicator.”

“Explain.”

Jim eyed the box in Spock’s hands. “Are those my donuts?”

Spock nodded. “I followed your instructions to the letter. Six plain glazed and six chocolate glazed.”

Jim grinned. “That’s perfect. I’ll eat some later. After.”

Spock arched a brow. “After?”

Jim licked his lips. “Yeah. Anyway, I was a little nervous about you coming over, and I was tossing around my communicator to distract me. It was stupid. Now I broke Bones’ light.”

“I see. Why were you nervous? You yourself extended the invitation to me to come to your room.”

“I know. It’s just…I really like you. I want to make a good impression.” He gestured to the mess he made. “This wasn’t the way to do it.”

Instead of responding to that, Spock set the box of donuts down on the table and then straightened. “I will assist you in cleaning up the broken light.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want you to get cut.”

“I will not,” Spock assured him.

Jim got a little whisk broom and a dust bin and they cleaned up the mess he’d made.

“Will Dr. McCoy really be angry with you?” Spock wondered.

“Nah, he never gets like super angry. He’ll be pissy though. He loves me, so we’re good.”

Spock stared at him. “Do I misunderstand the nature of our relationship?”

“What? No, why?”

“You said you have amorous feelings for the doctor and I had believed that we—”

“Spock.” Jim laughed. “No. I don’t mean love like you and me. I mean, that is, um, well, um.” He turned red. “Not-not romantic love.”

“I see.”

Jim bit his lip. “Do you?” He shook his head. “This is totally not going the way I thought.”

“What did you have planned?”

“I was going to greet you at the door with a hug and kiss, then I was going to draw you inside the room and over to the bed, and then, I planned on seducing you into having sex with me,” Jim admitted. God and he knew by the heat in his face he was bright red.

Spock tilted his head and stared silently at Jim for a few seconds, and then he turned around and walked out the door.

Jim was stunned. Was the thought of having sex with Jim that unappealing? His stomach twisted and his heart felt like it might split in two.

There was a soft knock at the door. Jim blinked in confusion and opened the door. Spock stood there expectantly.

His heart melted back into one. Jim grinned.

“Hey, glad you made it.” He pulled Spock inside, giving him that hug and a quick kiss on the lips. He grabbed Spock’s arm and led him over to the bed. “Want to go to bed with me?”

Spock arched a brow. “That is not very subtle.”

Jim shrugged. “Well. You already totally know I was gonna seduce you. I figured I might as well get straight to it.”

Spock nodded. “A logical plan.”

“Then—” Jim suddenly found himself on the bed under Spock. Breathless, he said, “Does that mean yes?”

Spock ground his erection against Jim. “I would expect it to be obvious.”

Jim licked his lips, his arousal coursing through him powerfully. “It definitely is. You know, um, Bones isn’t coming back tonight.”

“Oh?”

“Well, I sort of told him my plans.”

That earned him a disapproving look. “You informed McCoy we were planning on engaging in coitus?”

“I don’t think I used that word.” Jim smiled. “But you know he mentioned this was only our second date.”

“Technically it is our fourth as we also had tea two times.”

His smile widened. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. You’re very wise.”

“In the future, I would appreciate you refraining from discussing our intimate activities with Leonard McCoy.”

“Future, huh?” Jim touched Spock’s face. “You’re pretty sure of yourself then? You’re that good?”

“Affirmative.”

Jim laughed. “I totally love you.”

Spock arched a brow.

And he realized what he had just blurted out. Swallowing, he said, “I mean…I loved what you said.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “I am pleased with what you said as well.” He leaned down to kiss Jim. When he broke the kiss, he asked, “Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you really intending to eat a dozen donuts after we have finished?”

“No. Just one. But tomorrow’s my turn to bring breakfast for a study group and I didn’t feel like stopping.” Jim winked.

“You are impossible.”

“Oh, believe me, I am entirely possible.” He rubbed his thumb over Spock’s lips. “Enough talk. Kiss me again." 

Spock obliged.  


	22. Gran 2

The place had gotten more run down than the last time he’d been there and Jim felt a twinge of guilt. Okay, more than a twinge. He should have done…something.

For a long time he stood outside the old farmhouse and wondered if it was simply going to fall down around Gran. Should he move her? He didn’t think she would go. So what was his other option? Hire workers to fix it, maybe. It wasn’t something he could do even if he’d had the time. He didn’t, of course.

The front door creaked open. “You gonna stand there all day, Jimmy?”

Even the sound of her cranky old voice made him smile. “No.”

“Coming in then?”

“Yeah.” He turned to Spock who had just stood silent beside him. Spock was good like that. Actually Spock was wonderful. “Are you ready?”

“I have been waiting for you. I am prepared any time.”

Jim exhaled slowly. “I haven’t been back since…”

“Since?” Spock prompted.

“Her funeral.” Jim shook his head. “I’m not very good with families. We don’t really mix well.”

“Shall we?”

“Yeah.”

He made his legs walk up to the front door with Spock very close behind. Gran opened the door wide for him.

She enveloped Jim in a hug as soon as he crossed the threshold. She’d been frail before, now he felt like he was holding skin and bones. He closed his eyes.

“Hi, Gran.”

“It’s been a long, long time, Jimmy.”

“Too long, right?” He got the words out but barely.

“Yes.” She pulled back from him and closed the door. “No sense in heating the outdoors. Are the rumors true?”

“Rumors?”

Gran nodded. “Said you didn’t make it on the Enterprise. You died.” She shook her head. “But you’re here, so I guess it’s nonsense.” She sniffed.

Jim glanced at Spock, exchanged a look. “Gran, this is my first officer, Spock.”

“Ma’am.”

She sniffed again. “First officer is it? I don’t think Jimmy has ever brought crew around to see me before. You his boy?”

Jim choked on a laugh. “Gran.”

Gran smiled a little. “Well?”

Spock had turned a slightly darker shade of green. “Actually, ma’am, Jim is my boy.”

“Oh my God.” Jim doubled over laughing.

Gran laughed too. “I like ‘em when they have a sense of humor. You want coffee?”

“I do but Spock prefers tea.”

She snorted. “Figures. You want a little brandy in your coffee?”

Jim watched as she pulled out an almost empty bottle. “Uh, no, just the coffee.”

Gran set a kettle on the stove. “Just instant. And I guess there’s a teabag around here for you, Spock.”

“Gran, the brandy—”

“Don’t you go getting high and mighty with me. I’m old and lonely. You reach my age and be the only one left of all the people you’ve known, see if you don’t take to drinking brandy to keep you warm.”

“Gran.”

“Oh, hush.” She patted Jim’s arm. “I know you had to reach the stars. Just like your momma, just like your daddy. It’s what you always wanted. I don’t begrudge you that ever. All right?”

He nodded, around the lump in his throat, unable to speak. Spock’s fingers brushed his and he knew Spock was projecting support through their contact. He smiled.

“You’re really something, Gran. You know that?”

The tea kettle chirped and she poured water into three cups. “You two staying overnight? I’ve got chili in the freezer we could have for supper.” She eyed Spock. “Vegetarian chili.”

“That would be most agreeable, ma’am.”

“You may as well call me Gran, too. Since you’re family now.”

Spock straightened. “I would be honored, Gran.”

Jim’s smile brightened. “Told you she’s the best, didn’t I, Spock?”

“You did.”

And if Gran had raised him instead of his mother and Frank, well maybe things would have been different. But then again, he might never have met Spock. That was completely unacceptable.

They went over to the dining room table with their coffee and tea. Gran added brandy to hers and Jim didn’t say a word.

“We should talk about getting you some help around here. Unless you want to come live on the Enterprise?” Jim winked.

“All right, I’ll pack my bags.”

“What?” Jim exclaimed.

“I’m kidding.” She cackled. “You should have seen your face, Jimmy.”

He grabbed her hand and held it. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around too much. But I do love you.”

“I love you, too, honey. I’m just glad you’re here now.”


	23. A Pinball Machine and One Green Spock...Er...Sock...in Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Friday Challenge. This one required a pinball machine and one green sock. Here is what I came up with.

“Oh, holy crap, where the hell did Scotty beam us down to?” Jim looked around what looked like a hallway of an old Earth hotel.

“Is this what the twenty-first century looked like, Captain?”

“Uh, how should I know? I guess.” He grabbed Spock’s arm. “Come on.”

They’d dressed in appropriate clothing, at least according to the computer, and Spock had covered his pointy ears with a knitted cap.

At the end of the hallway there was a flashing sign that read, _Casino_.

“Oh, my God, did he actually set us down in Las Vegas?” Jim asked incredulously. He stepped through the doorway and immediately was hit with cigarette smoke, music, and the bells and whistles of slot machines. “He did.”

“Las Vegas, Captain?”

“Yeah. It’s an old Earth place. Vulcans would run screaming from it, trust me.”

Spock looked skeptical. “While I do trust you, Captain, I cannot imagine any Vulcan screaming and running from anywhere.”

“You’ve never seen Vegas.” Jim grabbed his arm and started pulling him through the casino. They passed by laughing and drinking men and women. Spock eyed them suspiciously. “We have to get somewhere to contact the ship.”

Jim saw glass doors leading outside and he pulled Spock with him and went out to a spot with a sign that read “Valet Parking”.

He glanced around and then pulled out his communicator. “Kirk to Enterprise.”

A guy wearing a uniform of some sort looked at him. “A flip phone dude? Really? Join the twenty-first century with the rest of us.” The guy shook his head and walked away.

“What did he mean, Captain?” Spock asked.

“Who knows?” Jim moved farther away from the doors. Walking toward them was a rather large guy wearing a leather jacket and chaps.

He stopped and leered at Jim, reaching around to Jim’s ass to put his hand there. “Hey, pretty boy, how about you and me—”

The man fell to the ground.

Jim turned and stared at Spock. “What did you just do?”

“I nerve pinched him, Jim.”

“You-you nerve pinched him?”

 “He accosted your person.”

“Yes, but—” He moved them further away from the man who lay on the ground and back closer to the doors to the casino. “Spock, you can’t just go around nerve pinching people while we’re here.”

“Agreed. However, as I stated he touched you inappropriately. I cannot allow that.”

Jim sighed. “Okay, but no more nerve pinching, Spock. Well, not unless it’s really necessary.”

“It was.”

He rolled his eyes and muttered, “Possessive Vulcans.” He flipped open his communicator again. “Kirk to Enterprise.”

“Scott here, Captain.”

“Thank God. Vegas, Scotty? I know I told you Nevada but—”

“My coordinates were a wee bit off, Captain. But I think I have the correct ones now, so if you and Mr. Spock are ready, I’ll beam you straight like to the correct ones.”

“Terrific.” He turned to Spock. “Spock?” No Spock. Ah, hell. “Hang on, Scotty, I’ve lost my Vulcan.”

Jim dashed back into the casino, searching for Spock. He spotted him over by a slot machine. He glanced at it and saw that it was a Video Pinball machine and Spock was in the middle of a bonus round of Pinball.

“Spock, what are you doing?”

“I found a coin on the floor and decided to put it into this contraption.” Spock stared at it. “It is fascinating.”

Jim watched as it flashed that Spock had won.

“I believe I have just won one hundred and fifty credits.”

“Dollars actually.” Jim eyed the machine and pointed to the collect button.

Spock pushed it and a paper came out that declared he had accumulated $150. “Is this what passes for currency in this time?”

“I guess, yeah. Weird.”

Spock looked around. “There is a gift shop. Perhaps we should spend it.”

“Okay, but then we have to go. Scotty has new coordinates.”

They went into the gift shop and Spock went up to the man standing behind a counter.

“Can I help you?”

“What can I buy with this?” Spock asked.

“Nothing. You gotta cash it first,” the man said.

“Cash it?” Spock raised an eyebrow. “Where would I cash it?”

The man shrugged. “One of the cash machines out on the floor of the casino.”

“A cash machine?”

“Yeah.” The man eyed him. “Not from around here, are you?”

“We are not.”

“Foreigners,” he mumbled.

Jim grabbed Spock’s arm. “Never mind. Let’s just go.”

They left the gift shop and just as they stepped back into the casino, Spock stiffened.

“What now?”

“That man is wearing a green sock on his…private area.”

Jim looked to where Spock indicated and sure enough a man was walking toward them wearing nothing but a green sock over his cock. He tried not to be shocked, but he was just a little.

“I think you’ll see a lot of really odd things in this place, Spock. Come on, let’s go contact Scotty.”

“Captain?”

“Yeah?”

“I think there is one of those cash machines that man spoke of.” The machine flashed, **Win Cash Now**

“Forget it, Spock. We don’t need it.”

Spock nodded. “As you wish.”

They went back outside and Jim contacted Scotty.

“All right. Ready?”

“Yeah, energize.”

He felt himself breaking up and then he reappeared next to Spock.

On the top of a snow covered mountain.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I do not believe these are the correct coordinates, Captain,” Spock said in all seriousness.

“No kidding.” He flipped open his communicator. “Scotty!” 


	24. Close Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes ideas won't leave me

There was blood. Blood everywhere. So much blood the ground was saturated in it. It was too much. It couldn’t be that much blood. But it was. It was easy to believe it could belong to the creature he fought. At least some of it. Please God.

But the color…

He knelt down beside the fallen man and cradled him in his arms. His uniform shirt was drenched in it. No, no, no.

Tears filled his eyes, blurring his vision. “Spock?”

No movement.

“Spock? Come on, Spock. Wake up. You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna make it. I promise. You just have to wake up.”

He shook Spock’s body.

“Come on! Jesus! You can’t do this to me. You can’t fucking do this to me. Please. Please.”

 A hand touched his shoulder.

“Jim.”

He shook his head, ignoring Bones. He didn’t fucking want Bones. He wanted Spock. Spock’s blood was soaking his own uniform shirt now, sticky, and messy and cooling.

“Jim,” Bones said more urgently but with even more gentleness. “He’s gone. You have to let him go.”

The tears pooled heavily in his eyes now, some streamed down his face onto the unconscious Vulcan in his arms. Because that was what he was. Unconscious. Spock was not gone. He was not dead. Fuck Bones all to hell.

Bones reached for him then, trying to pull him away.

“No!”

“Jim, come on, darlin’. You’re in shock. I have to get you up to the ship. You’ve been injured.”

“Not without Spock.”

“Jim—”

“He’s not dead! He’s not fucking dead!”

Uhura appeared then at his side and her eyes were filled with tears. She wrapped her arms around him. “You have to let him go, Jim,” she whispered.

“No.”

“Yes.” Between Bones and Uhura they pulled him away from Spock and started to lead him away. He could barely walk and he crumpled to the ground a couple of times.

“Jim?”

His breath caught in his throat, scorching hot and painful. He pushed away from Bones and Uhura and slid back to Spock on his knees. He lifted Spock to him.

Spock’s eyes were open and staring. “T’hy’la.”

“Yes. God, yes. I’m here. I’m here. You’re going to be all right. You’re going to be fine.” He clutched Spock to him while Bones frantically ordered a medical team to be ready when they returned to the ship.


	25. Darkness in My Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Altered slightly from original version

I woke up sweating from the dream again. My heart pounded so hard I was almost convinced it would come through my chest this time. My stomach felt twisted and sour and my whole body seemed awash with anxiety.

I swung my legs out of the covers, setting my feet on the floor as I stood up. The sheets were damp and uncomfortably warm. As I stood I felt the tremor in my body, the uncontrollable shaking.

The dream was horrible and I’d had it almost every night for the last week. In the dream I had never left Admiral Marcus’ ship. Instead Khan had forced me to watch as he destroyed the Enterprise with everyone I cared about on board. He’d beamed Scotty and Carol back there, but not me. His cold fingers had curled around the back of my neck as he fired a massive amount of weapons at my already crippled ship. The last thing I’d seen before it blew up in front of me was Spock’s face.

I woke up immediately after that each time. I hated sleeping now.

I tried the breathing exercises Bones told me to try as I went to sit at my desk. It was still hours until I was due on the bridge. They helped a little. I didn’t shake as much, but my heart was still running a marathon.

I decided to take a shower. A water one. They sometimes soothed me. So I went into the bathroom I shared with Spock. I saw light coming from under Spock’s door and I approached, hand on door, intending to open it and find out if Spock might be having trouble sleeping too, when I heard the low murmur of voices.

I easily recognized Spock’s soft rumble, but it took me a moment to realize the other voice belonged to Uhura.

 _Oh_.

The heartache was sudden and powerful, the tightening of my chest stealing my breath. But it was not unexpected. This…I should have expected. I did expect it. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like fucking hell. I splayed my fingers on the door, resting my head there.

Spock was only a friend.

I repeated the mantra in my head until my head believed it, even if my heart did not. I clenched my fists and turned away, going to the shower and turning the water on full blast.

I removed my boxer briefs and T-shirt and got in, letting the water’s spray wash away the remainder of my anxiety, the remainder of the horror of the dream. It was not real. The Enterprise had not been completely destroyed. I had seen to that myself. But the feelings of doom and sorrow were very real to me so that after each time of having the dream it took me that much longer to shake the deep melancholia brought on by the nightmare.

When I finally emerged from the shower, I took care of the rest of my hygienic needs and went back into my quarters to dress in my uniform. I was still not due on the bridge for hours but the thought of staying in my room while Spock and Uhura were next door having sex made me physically ill.

I was not that strong.

The bridge was quiet when I stepped on to it. There was only a bare crew, making sure everything was operational. They were surprised to see me.

“Captain?” Lieutenant Myers asked, rising from my chair. “Is there a problem?”

“No, Myers. Just can’t sleep.” I smiled at him and the others and they all went back to their duties as they murmured greetings. After a few minutes, I contacted a yeoman for coffee and she brought me a cup as well as a carafe filled with the hot steaming beverage.

By the time the senior bridge crew had begun to arrive I had already been through six cups of coffee and to say I was hyper and jittery would have been an understatement.

Spock came immediately to my chair, his eyebrows raised to the edge of his bangs. “Captain?”

“Hey, Spock.”

“How long have you been on the bridge, sir?”

I shrugged. “A few hours. Why?”

“That is most unusual.”

I smiled pleasantly. “Is it?” I drummed my fingers on the console of my chair. “Can you do a scan of the area?”

He stared at me for a moment more and then nodded. “Yes, Captain.”

I got up from my chair then and started prowling around on the bridge. The coffee in my system was working overtime. I paused over everyone’s station, looking at what they were doing, and I was aware I was making most of them nervous, though it was not intentional.

Spock met me as I was about to begin the circle of the bridge once more. “Captain?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you have concerns regarding the efficiency of the crew?”

“Concerns? No.”

“I believe your current actions are making them uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, well. I can’t seem to sit still.”

Spock’s gaze went to my chair and the carafe next to it. “How much coffee did you consume?”

“Six cups or so.” I shrugged.

The left eyebrow shot up. “Did you get any sleep?”

“Sure.” I turned away from him then and went back to my chair. “Status, Mr. Sulu?”

“About to orbit the planet, M37, sir.”

“Excellent, why don’t—”

Suddenly it felt as though someone had physically reached out and grabbed me and plucked me from the ship. Sulu was gone, Chekov was gone. The whole bridge was gone.

I was on my knees, my hands tied behind my back. The room was dark, damp, I could hear the trickle of water coming from somewhere. The ground was hard, hurting my knees. There was a flash of light and then the room was illuminated.

Standing before me was a beautiful brunette woman with long flowing hair and a sort of armored dress.

“Oh,” she said softy. “Annise was right. You are perfect.”

“What? Who are you?”

She smiled and suddenly I was brought to my feet by an unknown force. She stepped forward, put her hand on my crotch and squeezed.

“Kirk, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“I am Sheira, the ruler of this planet. Here, the men are slaves.”

“Slaves? Now just a damn minute. Where the hell am I and how do you think you can get away with abducting a Starfleet officer?”

“I have already gotten away with it, Kirk. You are here, are you not? Our planet is called Larissa and we are the Larissians. We have been ruled by females for many hundreds of years. We cannot do without men entirely, of course. But as I said, men are slaves on Larissa. Some are slaves for work purposes and others are used for pleasure in our harems.”

I stared at her, my jaw slack. “You can’t do this.”

“You are privileged. We do not choose our slaves lightly,” Sheira assured him. “But first you must be acclimated.”

“Acclimated?”

She clapped her hands and two more beautiful women appeared at his side.

“Take Kirk to the machine.”

I did not like the sound of that. “Machine?”

Sheira nodded. “You will be rendered immobile while in it. Do not worry, though, it is not intended to permanently damage you. It is a restraining device and we have used it on human males before.”

I was dragged away by the two women and taken to a room where I was placed on a platform about the size of a bed and then strapped in. Naked. The two women seemed to take their time stripping me of my clothes and lingering their hands over certain parts of me.

Then they turned on a switch and I couldn’t move. I was completely paralyzed in their contraption, except I could still hear and think. But they left me alone in the room and turned out the lights. I began to panic.

What if the Enterprise never found me? Would they even know where to look? Would they even bother? Was this the life I had to live for the rest of my life? It was dark, creepy, and I was claustrophobic.

And so alone.

****

I gasped for breath, feeling such pressure and tightness in my chest I thought it would explode.

“Easy, easy, easy, Jim. You’re all right. You’re all right.” Firm hands pushed me down. Blearily I recognized the voice of Bones. “Calm down, Jim. Your vitals are going crazy. Come on, darlin’, you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

As strong arms held me, I licked my overly dry lips. “Bones?”

“Yes, that’s right.” I felt his hand graze gently over my brows. “Breathe for me. That’s it.” I felt the pinch and sting of a hypospray in my neck.

My chest loosened, it no longer felt nearly impossible to breathe. My heart still raced hard though and the panicky feeling had not gone away.

“My vision’s still blurry,” I said, my voice raspy.

Bones grabbed my hand and held it. “That’ll clear up in a few minutes. I’m trying to get your vitals down. Stay quiet for a minute, okay?”

I nodded.

And like Bones said my vision began to clear and sickbay came into view. Somehow, I wasn’t sure how, I’d been rescued. I couldn’t remember much of anything except not being able to move and feeling trapped and alone. When I tried to think too hard on it, my head hurt, so I pushed it away…firmly.  

Bones’ smiling face loomed over me suddenly. “Okay, everything’s getting much more normal. You freaked me out there for a minute, Jim. Thought you were going to go into cardiac arrest.”

“What happened?” I swallowed, but I got little saliva. My mouth felt almost painfully dry.

“Hang on. I’m gonna raise your bed a little. All right?”

I nodded.

Bones adjusted my bed until I was sort of half sitting up and he didn’t have to look down at me anymore. Bones looked haggard and worn out, dark circles under his eyes.

He placed an ice chip in my mouth and I managed around the ice to ask, “You okay?”

“I’m fine. You just gave me several more gray hairs is all.”

“How long was I gone?”

“Two weeks. Two fucking long weeks. We weren’t sure we’d ever find you. The crew was pretty frantic.” Bones smiled gently. “They’re beating down the doors of sickbay to see you, but I’m gonna keep them out a little bit longer. How much do you remember?”

Two weeks. I definitely didn’t remember that. I wondered if time happened differently on Larissa.

“I remember ending up in this weird room with a female ruler named Sheira. They were a matriarchal society. I was going to be their toy.” I frowned. “They took me and put me in some paralyzing contraption. I don’t really remember much after that. Just…unbearable loneliness.”

“They used mind control on you. That seemed to be the purpose of that machine you’re talking about.”

“Is that where I was found?”

Bones shook his head. “No. You were in a room the Larrisians called their Harem Room.”

My stomach twisted. “I don’t remember that at all.”

Bones’ eyes were sorrowful as he stared at me, then he squeezed my arm. “Might be a good thing. Hopefully you’ll never remember.” Bones sighed. “I’m not gonna lie, Jim. You were sexually abused there. There was no real damage. But all the men they held there had been pretty well used.”

“What happened to them?”

“The ones that weren’t born there and were abducted by them have been transported to Starbase 9 for further care. Larissa isn’t a Federation planet, there wasn’t much we could do about the natives. Prime directive.”

“God, I hate that fucking thing sometimes.”

“You and me both. The ruler there, Sheira, promised to treat them better, but she still basically acted like they were property. The Federation is still considering some sort of formal hearing due to their abduction of aliens and Starfleet officers. I imagine you’ll hear more about that when you’re out of here.”

“Two weeks,” I whispered.

“Yeah.” Bones eyes turned sadder still. “I thought you were dead. For real this time. I thought we’d lost you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Bones tried a gentle smile. “Not your fault.”

“How’s the ship?”

“The ship’s fine. There is one crew member I can’t keep out though no matter how hard I try. And believe me I’ve tried.”

I frowned. “Who?”

Bones snorted. “Who do you think? The hobgoblin.”

“Spock?” For some reason that surprised me and I wasn’t sure why. We were friends. Of course he would be concerned.

“Yeah. And I think he’s gonna pop one of his wires if I don’t let him see you now, so hang on.” Bones squeezed my hand and walked away.

I prepared myself to see Spock. I had no real idea what to expect. When he appeared I expected him to stand at the foot of the bed like he always did when I ended up in sickbay after a mission but to my surprise he came to stand very close to my side.

I attempted a smile. “Hey, Spock.”

“I am gratified that you are awake, Jim,” he said softly.

“I must have been bad off if I get a Jim,” I joked.

Spock did not seem amused. But when would he? Neither was I, really.

“I apologize for not rescuing you sooner.”

I shook my head. “No, don’t. At least you did rescue me. That’s all that matters.”

“It is not. I have been taught regret is illogical and yet I cannot help but feel I could have done something sooner.” Spock shook his head. “If I had been too late—”

“You weren’t.”

“I am not so certain. You were…injured.” I couldn’t fail to miss the way his voice broke.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I tried to joke again and it fell flat for both of us. His eyes bored into me with such intensity it was almost too much. I decided a change of subject would be better. “How is Uhura?”

Spock’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “Nyota is well. She is concerned about you, however, and wishes to see for herself you are well. Dr. McCoy will not allow her admittance.”

“Yeah he’s a guard dog. Well, good, I’m glad. It’s, uh, nice you two are doing so well.”

Spock nodded. “I was unsure that we would be able to maintain our friendship but it has been pleasant between us.”

I blinked. “What does that mean exactly?”

“You would be unaware,” Spock said softly. “Nyota and I are no longer involved in a romantic relationship.”

“Since when?”

Spock shifted. “It concluded shortly after your abduction.”

“Oh.” Well, of course I would be unaware then. “I’m sorry. I’m glad you two can be friends. I know it must be difficult.”

“It is surprisingly easy under the circumstances.”

“Circumstances?”

“When you are released from sickbay I would like a chance to speak with you.”

I frowned at his soft tone. “You are speaking with me.”

“Of more personal things.” Spock looked a little greener.

“Are you…are you blushing?”

“Negative.”

“Yeah, you are. But why?” I shook my head. “Just spit it out, Spock.”

“Spit it out?”

“Tell me.”

Spock exhaled. Stepped closer. Reached for my hand. When his hand closed over mine I felt a tingly warmth. I curled my fingers around his palm seeking more of it. I was always starved for his touch and rarely got the luxury of contact. “Your abduction…I realized you mean more to me than I had realized.”

I searched his face. “More?”

“I have been pretending for a long time. I do not wish to do so anymore.”

“Pretending what?”

“That you are only my friend,” Spock whispered. “I want…I wish.” He stopped, moved his fingers until two of his were touching two of mine. And I knew exactly what that meant.

My heartbeat raced again. “Spock—”

Bones appeared, scowling. “I didn’t let you in here to make his vitals spike again. You’re supposed to keep him calm.”

“My apologies, doctor.”

He began to remove his hand from mine but I tightened my grip.

“Please don’t.”

Bones simply stared at our entwined hands. “Keep calm.”

“Yes, Bones.”

He left again, leaving me alone with Spock.

“I must return to the bridge,” he said after a moment. There was regret in his voice.

“You’ll be back later?” I tried not to sound, needy, anxious. I knew I failed when his eyes softened and his lips curved into the barest of smiles. Vulcan smiles.

“Yes. Nothing could keep me away.”    


	26. Observing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of silliness

Pavel liked everyone he worked with on a daily basis. He was proud of his work on the Enterprise and he considered the entire bridge crew his friends. He highly respected his commanding officers, in particular Captain Kirk and Commander Spock.

Whenever Pavel was chosen for a landing party it was hard for him not to get excited. Seeing new worlds had been a big reason for him joining Starfleet, plus he generally got to spend extra time with Kirk or Spock and sometimes both. Often in fact, for it seemed that Kirk chose Spock to go with him almost every time.

This particular time, though, Spock had not come with them. The party had been made up of Kirk, Pavel, Mr. Scott, Dr. McCoy, and Lieutenant Palamas. Mr. Scott had a crush on the Lieutenant, Carolyn was her name. She seemed much more interested in the alien on the planet who had insisted he was a god.

By the time they were beamed back on board the ship both Pavel and Captain Kirk had been severely injured. Pavel thought Kirk had been injured more than himself as Dr. McCoy had gone very pale when he had ordered them beamed back to the ship.

Dr. M’Benga, who Pavel also liked, though perhaps not as much as Dr. McCoy, had treated Pavel and told him he would be fine and likely released the next day. Already Hikaru had been by to see him.

A few beds down from him was Captain Kirk, still unconscious. Dr. McCoy had been by several times to check on him. And also Commander Spock once.

But while Pavel lay there staring toward Kirk, wondering if he would be all right, Mr. Spock once more appeared. Last time he had merely stared down at the captain without saying anything and he had not stayed long.

This time Spock touched the captain’s face.

“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular,” Spock said, speaking Vulcan words.

Pavel didn’t know the words. He knew a bit of Vulcan, but not those and he wondered what they were and why Spock spoke them to the captain.

Spock straightened and then looked down toward Pavel’s bed. Pavel blushed at being caught staring, but he was surprised when the commander came down to his biobed.

“I have been informed that you are doing well, Ensign.”

“Yes, Mr. Spock. Dr. M’Benga said I vould be released tomorrow.”

Spock nodded. “Excellent news.

“Is the keptin going to be all right?”

“Yes, he will be.”

“Has not awakened,” Pavel said fretfully.

“He will soon, Ensign. Do not concern yourself. You should rest now.”

“Yes, sir.”

Spock went back to the captain’s biobed. He pulled up a chair and positioned it beside the captain. Pavel noticed he stayed there for a long time and Pavel had fallen asleep before Spock ever left.

****

“I’m fine, Spock.”

“You take too many chances, ashaya.”

Pavel woke to the sound of his two commanding officers speaking. Spock was looking down at Kirk, and his fingers were gently stroking the captain’s cheek.

“I had to protect Scotty.”

Spock leaned down and touched Kirk’s forehead with his. He said something low and Pavel couldn’t hear it. But he could see that Kirk smiled.

Later when Hikaru came by to visit him, Dr. M’Benga had not come by to release him yet, and Pavel told Hikaru.

“I think they are together,” he said. Dr. McCoy had taken the captain away for tests earlier.

“Who?”

“The keptin and the kommander.”

Hikaru laughed. “I don’t think so. Kirk is a womanizer.”

“I saw them together. They vere wery affectionate.”

“They’re just friends,” Hikaru said. “You always think people are together.”

Pavel shook his head. “Spock spoke Vulcan to him.”

“What he say?”

“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

Hikaru’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“You know vhat he said?”

“Yes. And you’re right, Pavel. The captain and commander are together.”

“Vhat does it mean?”

“I think it means something like, I cherish thee,” Hikaru said.

Pavel smiled. “It is romantic.”

Hikaru laughed. “I never thought Vulcans could be romantic.”

“Vell, you know it is Russians who are most romantic.”

Hikaru groaned.        


	27. Realization

From the first time Nyota saw Kirk she knew he was trouble. She didn’t know he would be trouble for her and Spock, but she knew something about him would mean trouble for her.

The first inkling she’d gotten that it would involve her Vulcan boyfriend was when Spock became a little obsessed with Cadet Kirk beating his program. She didn’t realize exactly what that obsession would entail, but she did not miss Spock’s interest in Kirk when he looked across the assembly room during Kirk’s hearing.

When the emergency happened with Vulcan, she had assumed that would be the end of Spock’s association with Kirk. He wouldn’t be on board the Enterprise, or any ship, while he was still up on charges, so Nyota had put him out of her mind.

Until the bastard had snuck aboard the Enterprise.

Once more she had noticed Spock’s interest in Kirk. Others might not notice but Nyota was sharp and she knew Spock fairly well. She had been surprised when Spock had reacted as strongly as he did to Kirk, however, when he had tried to strangle him on the bridge. She had never gotten such passion out of Spock.

Their sex life was adequate. Spock had a lower interest in sexual activity than men Nyota had been with in the past, but it was not non-existent and when they did have sex it was good.

However, she did not fail to miss that the more Spock watched Kirk, the less he was interested in spending time having sex with her.  And it wasn’t just watching Kirk with an eye to,  _‘who the fuck is this weird guy?’_ which had been the way at first, but it turned into Spock watched Kirk like he was a precious thing.

By the time Spock had nearly died in the Volcano, they were not sleeping together regularly. Nyota had tried to pretend nothing was wrong with her and Spock. But then when he had given up and intended to die in that Volcano, Nyota had begun to realize that Spock was not as invested in them as she was.

When she confronted him on the shuttle, Spock had assured her he did have feelings, and she had thought he meant feelings for her, and for a while Nyota had been pacified. Spock still watched Kirk constantly but he seemed exasperated with their captain more than fascinated and so she tried to put it out of her mind.

Until Kirk died.

Oh, she didn’t fail to notice Spock was anxious when Khan appeared on the screen with Kirk as his captive. But they were all anxious. In spite of Kirk’s bravado most of the crew, including Nyota, liked him.

But when Spock went berserk—there was no other word for it—when Kirk died, all of Nyota’s doubts returned.

He had begun to spend an obsessive amount of time at the hospital looking over Kirk, who wasn’t even conscious. He barely spent any time with her and would respond to her attempts to communicate with him hours after the fact.

Which was the reason why Nyota had decided to go to the hospital to see what shape Kirk was in for herself.

She’d been allowed to just go straight to the hospital room so when she walked in she saw Spock at once. He stood beside Kirk, his fingers on Kirk’s face.

“Spock?”

He slowly pulled his hand off their captain’s face and turned to her. “Nyota. This is unexpected.”

“I’m sure. Can I talk to you?”

Spock’s gaze flickered to Kirk.

“How is he doing?” she asked.

“Dr. McCoy expects him to wake soon.”

“That’s good. Can we talk somewhere private?”

His gaze remained focused on Kirk and she began to get irritated.

“Spock!”

“Yes?”

“Let’s go have tea. There’s a place just around the corner from the hospital.” When he still seemed reluctant, she sighed. “You won’t be gone long.”

“Very well.”

Nyota was surprised that he did not look back at Kirk as they left the hospital room.

They did not speak on their way to the tearoom, and she waited to bring up what she wanted until they were at a table in the corner with cups of tea.

“You know when I decided to go to the hospital, I wasn’t really sure what I was going to say. I just wanted to see what was going on, I guess.”

“I do not understand.”

Nyota sighed. It was difficult to get the words out around the lump in her throat, but she was a realist. “You love him.”

“To whom do you refer?”

“Spock.” She shook her head. “Don’t be deliberately obtuse with me. You know who I mean.” She sighed. “And I think you have for a long time.”

“I apologize.”

She laughed. “For what?”

“It was not my intention to hurt you.”

“Whether the intent was there or not, I am hurt. I love you, Spock. I have since I first met you. I used to think that one day you and I would get married and explore the stars together. Then later we’d settle on Vulcan and have a family.” She sipped her tea. “Before Nero happened. Before Kirk happened. Those were a silly girl’s dreams.”

“I do not even know what to do about it,” Spock said softly. “I do not believe he feels the same way.”

“I don’t know either, Spock. But whether he does or not matters little for you and me. I can’t go on like this. Always being second to him. And that’s the way I would be, isn’t it?”

“Nyota—”

“I know it’s true. Even if you never tell him how you feel, you’ll stay by his side, always watching out for him, always choosing him over any others. I know you, Spock. I’m right.” It hurt to say all this, she wished it wasn’t true, but it was, and she couldn’t pretend otherwise.

He slowly nodded. “Yes.”

“I can’t be your lover knowing you want him.”

“I understand and agree.”

“Maybe, some day, I don’t know when, you and I can be friends. When it doesn’t hurt so much.” She felt the tears welling in her eyes. “But right now, I still love you and it hurts that you don’t feel the same way.”

“I am—”

“Don’t say you’re sorry, Spock. I know you are.” She got up from her seat, leaving her tea behind. “Don’t-don’t contact me for a while. I’ll be in touch with you when I’m ready.”

“Yes, Nyota.”

****

_Four months later_

“Spock! Over here,” Nyota waved at Spock as he stepped into the teashop. She was at the same table she’d been at when she broke up with him. She had his tea waiting.

Spock came to the table and sat. “Thank you,” he said when he spotted the tea.

She smiled. “You’re a creature of habit, Spock. I know what you like. Where is he?”

“A meeting with the admiralty.”

“Ah. Well, I meant what I said. I wanted him to come too.”

“He will meet us,” Spock said.

Nyota nodded. “Good. Not sure what kind of tea he likes.”

“The same as mine. I will obtain it shortly.”

“You look good, Spock,” she said. And it was true. Spock looked very good and quite content. She was pleased for him. “I’m really glad you told him.”

“It came out by accident.”

“How do you accidentally tell someone you love them?”

Spock turned a little green. “He was being impossible and not following the doctor’s orders. Taking chances with his health. I became…concerned.”

Nyota laughed. “I see. Well, however it happened, I’m happy for you, Spock.”

“Are you?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t have arranged to see you if I wasn’t. I still care about you and it’s taken me a long time but I think we can be friends. Hell, we’ll all be back on the Enterprise for the five year mission. I’d like it to be good.”

“I would as well. I still care about you also, Nyota.” His communicator beeped. Spock rose. “I will be right back.”

Nyota watched him step away and speak into the communicator.  Then he went up to the counter and ordered a tea. He brought it back to the table.

“On his way?”

“Yes,” Spock said with a nod.

“It’ll be interesting to see you two together. So how have you been otherwise, Spock?”

“I am well. We have had a number of meetings regarding the refit of the Enterprise.”

She smiled and shook her head. Spock never changed. But she didn’t fail to notice when all of a sudden Spock straightened and turned his gaze toward the entrance of the shop. Sure enough Jim Kirk had just arrived. Nyota wondered how Spock had known so precisely that Kirk had appeared.

Kirk came straight to their table, smiling first at Nyota. “Hello, Nyota. How are you?”

“Fine, Jim. And you?”

“Excellent.” He turned his thousand watt smile on Spock next. “Hey.”

“Hello,” Spock said, almost too casually.

When Jim sat, they tried to be discreet about it, but Nyota noticed their fingers touching, which she knew was a Vulcan kiss. It only hurt just a little. She really was over Spock.

Jim reached for the sugar and added quite a lot of it to his tea. Both Nyota and Spock stared at him. He grinned. “What? I like my tea sweet.”

“Apparently. How are you feeling?” she asked him.

“Pretty good, considering.”

“Considering?”

He shrugged. “Well, you know.” He glanced toward Spock. “Admiral Archer wants to meet with both of us tomorrow.”

“Very well.”

Jim turned back to Nyota. “You want to go to dinner with us? There’s a vegetarian place up the street Spock’s been bugging me to go to.”

“I have not been bugging you.”

Jim’s smile widened but he otherwise didn’t respond to Spock. “They’re supposed to have an amazing wine selection. Since Spock doesn’t drink he can make sure we get home safe and sound. What do you say?”

Nyota decided Jim really knew how to turn on the charm when he wanted to and also that in spite of everything, it was going to be fine between her and Spock and her and Kirk.

“I say, if you’re buying, Captain, I’m there!”     


	28. At a Restaurant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simplicity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I work on other things

He was incredibly gorgeous sitting in the corner of the crowded restaurant by himself, his attention on the PADD on the table in front of him. I froze several paces away, watching him.

The other patrons around me didn’t seem to notice how transfixed I was by him. Wait staff brushed passed me as though I wasn’t standing in their way, mouth almost hanging open.

He didn’t look up, though I willed him to do so. I wasn’t there to meet him. Wasn’t actually there to meet anyone. I had come in to order take out and take it back to my apartment. But now my stomach was forgotten, and I couldn’t take me eyes off him.

“You’re kind of in the way, buddy,” a waiter finally said as he went hurriedly past me.

I turned and grabbed the arm of the waitress about to pass me on the other side. “Hey, do you know who that is?”

She followed my gaze. “Oh, sure. That’s Spock. He’s Ambassador Sarek’s son.”

I frowned. “Ambassador Sarek?”

“The Vulcan Ambassador to Earth. His office is on the tenth floor of the building.” She moved away to wait on a patron.

Spock. At least I had a name. Which emboldened me. I sidled up to Spock’s table and cleared my throat.

Finally he looked up, his chocolate brown eyes seemed to look right through me. “Yes?”

I smiled. “You have to be Spock. I’m Jim Kirk.” I sat across from him and waited for his reaction.

“And why should I care who you are, Jim Kirk?”

“We’re supposed to meet here.”

“Pardon?”

“You know, you and me. Meet at this specific time in this specific restaurant at this specific table.”

“I do not recall an appointment.”

“No?”

Spock shook his head. “Negative. I would have remembered if I had.”

“Right. I heard Vulcans have eidetic memories.”

“Indeed. What is it you want, Mr. Kirk?”

I sighed. “Just…I saw you across the room. Do you believe in fate, Spock?”

“I do not.”

“Oh. So you don’t think we were meant to meet here at this time at this table?”

“No.”

I nodded, disappointed. It had been worth a shot, I supposed. If he had really been interested in me, he would have played along, at least a little bit. I reached over to pat his hand just as he turned his palm up. The four fingers of both our hands touched and Spock’s eyes widened. He tensed immediately.  I wasn't really sure why.

“Sorry.” I took back my hand. “I’ll just get out of your hair.”

“You are not in my hair,” he said softly.

“Just an expression.” I smiled and stood. “I’m sorry to bother you.” I started to turn away.

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

Spock gestured to the table. “Will you join me for dinner?”

I blinked in surprise, renewed hope lifting my spirits. “Really?”

He inclined his head. “Perhaps I believe in fate after all, Jim.”

 


	29. A Lie of Omission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This week's challenge was a lie of omission and a new kind of communicator.

Jim felt like absolute crap. He was achy and nauseous and really warm. Which made sense since Bones had just informed him he had a fever and should go to bed.

The problem was Spock was supposed to be coming to his quarters. And Jim really wanted to see Spock. He’d been looking forward to it all day. Three nights ago the unresolved sexual tension had become…resolved. They’d spent all their spare time since getting to know each other very intimately.

And hell the way he felt, obviously that wasn’t going to happen anyway, but damn he wanted to see Spock. He had it bad, didn’t he?

“Spock to Captain Kirk.”

Jim sat down behind his desk, it was either that or collapse, and answered, “Kirk here.”

“Captain, I am still in lab 3 and anticipate being here for three more hours at minimum.”

“Oh.” Part of him was relieved by that. He wouldn’t have to admit to feeling like crap. Spock would get all up in his business if he did. Jim knew it. “Well, that’s too bad, but you know I’m really tired anyway.”

“What is wrong?” Spock asked sharply.

See, all up in his business.

“Just a really long day, Spock. I’m fine, just tired. Exhausted. I think I’m just going to go to bed, if you don’t mind.”

“I do not.” A pause. “Jim—”

“I’m fine, Spock. We’ll see each other tomorrow. Okay?”

“Yes, Captain. Good night.”

“Good night.”

In the morning he felt much better. Not completely 100 percent better but he was pretty sure he was no longer suffering from a fever. Bones wanted him to come by to be checked out, so Jim was about to do that when he left his quarters.

“Captain.”

“Oh, hey, Spock.” He smiled at his first officer as he came out of his own quarters.

“You are going to the bridge?”

“Eventually.”

Spock arched a brow. “Eventually?”

“Have to stop somewhere first.”

“Where?”

“To see Bones.”

Spock stared at him as though he were reading his mind or something. “You were ill.”

Jim winced. “No, no, it was nothing.”

“You lied when you said you were fine.”

“No, I didn’t. It was just…I wasn’t dying or anything. It was no big deal.”

“Yet you are headed to the medbay.”

Jim sighed. “You know how Bones is.” He rested his hand on Spock’s arm. “I’m fine, Spock. I feel much better.”

“I will accompany you to the medbay.”

Jim narrowed his eyes in annoyance. “No you will not. I don’t need an escort.”

“Captain—”

“Commander,” Jim replied. “Report to the bridge.”

Spock was not at all happy about it, but he said, “Yes, Captain.”

They went their separate ways and as Jim suspected, Bones advised him his fever was gone.

“You do seem to be doing much better,” Bones said, running his scanner over Jim.

“Must have just been an overnight thing.”

“Hmm. Even still, I want you to take it easy.”

“I’m leading a landing party down onto Ceta II today.”

Bones shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Let Spock handle it.” Bones patted Jim’s arm. “Come see me after your shift is over just to be sure. And of course if you feel worse come see me immediately.”

“Yes, Bones.”

Jim left the medbay and headed for the bridge.

“Keptin on the bridge.”

“Status report.” Jim took his seat which Spock had just vacated.

“Will be in orbit around Ceta II in an hour, Captain,” Sulu replied.

“Excellent. Thank you, Mr. Sulu.”

Spock stood beside his chair. “What did Dr. McCoy say?” he asked quietly. Jim knew he didn’t want to make their new relationship known yet. He suspected Spock might have told Uhura, but he wasn’t even sure about that.

“He said I seem to be a lot better.” He smiled. “Nothing to worry about.”

Spock nodded, looking a little relieved, and he went back to his station.

When it was time to go down to Ceta II, they made their way to the transporter room.

Giotto and two other officers were waiting for them. Giotto stepped up to Jim and handed him a device.

“What’s this?”

“New communicators, sir.”

Jim frowned down at the contraption. It looked a little smaller but it seemed heavier in his hand. “What the hell? When did we get these? How does it work?”

“Similar to the one you already use,” Giotto assured him.

“Don’t know what was wrong with the other one,” Jim grumbled. “Okay, let’s go.”

They started heading toward the transporter when the doors opened behind them.

“Aha! Caught you,” Bones crowed.

Jim froze.

Spock stiffened.

They both turned to Bones.

“You didn’t think I’d check on you, did you?” Bones asked, smirking. “Let Spock lead the party.”

“Bones—”

Spock was nearly scowling now. He grabbed Jim’s arm, which was surely not something he would have so blatantly done had he not been annoyed, and pulled Jim aside. “Did Dr. McCoy tell you not to beam down to Ceta II?”

“Well—”

“You lied.”

“I did not,” Jim protested. “He didn’t tell me not to go, he said he didn’t think it would be a good idea.”

“You did not tell me this.”

“It didn’t matter because I’m fine and anyway like I said it wasn’t a lie. He did say I was better.”

“A lie of omission is—”

“Not technically a lie,” Jim finished with a bright smile.

“I will lead the party and you will stay here,” Spock said firmly.

“I’m the captain.”

“I am aware. It is your duty to act responsibly and to take the safety of the crew seriously. _All_ of the crew.”

Jim shut his mouth. But then he said, “I feel fine.”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim sighed. “You win. You always win.”

Bones had been watching them. “Something you two want to tell me?”

“Um, no,” Jim said, feeling himself blush. “Bones, Spock is leading the landing party and I’m staying here.”

“Good,” Bones said. “Should have listened to me in the first place.”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed. He turned away and went up on to the transporter where Giotto and the others waited.

Jim had a moment where he almost said, “Be careful.” But then he knew Spock always was and it would be ridiculous anyway.

“Energize,” Spock said.

Jim stood there after they disappeared, not wanting to turn around and face Bones. He knew his friend was still there though and waiting.

Finally, plastering on a smile, he turned to Bones. “You didn’t say I couldn’t go.”

“I did say you shouldn’t.”

“Not the same thing.”

Bones growled, “ _Some_ day, Jim.”

“You love me.”

“Speaking of loving you—”

“Oh, hell no. We are not talking about that.”

“Talking about what, sugar?” Bones grinned.

“Oh, be quiet. I have to get back to the bridge.”

“Sure, sure. Run away if you must. I already know you and Spock are lovey dovey.”

Jim scowled and headed for the exit. “Are not.”

“Come on, Jim, he was practically writing you Vulcan love sonnets just now.”

Jim left the transporter room, but his ears burned hot at the laughter he could still hear.    


	30. I Love How You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of romanticism, high school style

_I love how your eyes close whenever you kiss me_  
 _And when I'm away from you I love how you miss me_  
 _I love the way you always treat me tenderly_  
 _But, darling, most of all I love how you love me_  
 _(Love how you love me)_

Leonard followed the music he could hear from far down the pathway to the school auditorium that had several students standing outside peaking in. Frowning, he pushed past them and into the auditorium.

In the middle of the room stood Leonard’s best friend, Jim, and he had his arms wrapped around the Vulcan, Spock’s neck. Spock had his arms around Jim’s waist and they were dancing a waltz for fuck’s sake to an old Bobby Vinton song. 

 _I love how your heart beats whenever I hold you_  
 _I love how you think of me without being told to_  
 _I love the way your touch is always heavenly_  
 _But, darling, most of all I love how you love me_  
 _(Love how you love me)_  

As Leonard watched, shocked to say the least, Jim lifted a hand to Spock’s face and then Spock mirrored the action by putting his hand on Jim’s face and then spreading his fingers across Jim’s cheek. 

 _I_ _love how you hug me (love how you hug me)_  
 _I love how you squeeze me, tease me, please me_  
 _Love, how you love me_  
 _I love how you love me_

Their faces got closer until their lips were very close now. The students around Leonard were loudly talking and gossiping.

“Isn't that Ambassador Sarek’s son? What’s his name? Spock? Didn't he just transfer here?”

“Yeah it is and yeah he did. I didn't even know Vulcans could dance. And fuck, isn't that Jim Kirk?”

“Sure is.”

It sure as hell was. He didn't even know Jim had met the weird new student at their high school. And now it looked like he was about to suck face with the hobgoblin.

Next to him a female gasped and he turned to see Nyota Uhura standing beside him.

“Hey,” he greeted her.

“Hi,” she murmured. “Well, there goes that fantasy.”

“You fantasized being with Jim?”

She snorted. “Not him. Spock.” She sighed. “I've been chatting him up for a while now. I even went to the restaurant he hangs out at in the building where his father’s office is. How does he do it?”

Leonard shrugged. “Jim can charm anyone I guess.”

They weren't really kissing but their faces...their lips were really close. It was an almost unbearably romantic picture, and they acted as though they were the only ones in the whole room…maybe the world.

The song ended and very slowly they broke apart. Students around them applauded. Spock turned a bit greener but Jim just grinned impishly and he took Spock’s hand and led him toward where Leonard and Nyota stood.

“Hey, Len, Nyota. This is Spock. He’s from Vulcan and goes to our school. These are my friends, Leonard and Nyota.”

“Spock and I have already met,” Nyota said with a bit of exasperation in her voice.

“Indeed,” Spock agreed.

“I was showing Spock how to dance the waltz.”

“Is that what you’re calling it?” Leonard rolled his eyes.

“No really.”

“I did express an interest in learning,” Spock said. He turned toward Jim. “My parents are expecting us for dinner, Jim.”

“Your parents?” Nyota exclaimed. “He’s met your parents?”

“It was appropriate under the circumstances,” Spock said.

“What circumstances?” Leonard demanded.

“Spock and I are going steady,” Jim said with a grin at the same time as Spock said, “Jim is my mate.”

Leonard gaped at them. “Say what?”

“No time now, Len,” Jim said. “Can’t be late.”

“Jim! You have some explaining to do.”

But Jim and Spock had already left the auditorium.

Nyota sighed. “I have my language test to study for anyway. See you, Len.”

“Out of his corn fed mind,” Leonard mumbled.   


	31. A Heartfelt Declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My challenge for this week was a new crew member, an alien plant, and a heartfelt declaration.

Jim plastered on his most flirtatious smile, ignoring the reproachful look of his first officer, and turned to the lieutenant currently using her tricorder on a nearby strange looking plant. “What did you say your name was again?”

She smiled and batted her lashes. “Lucy. Lucy Rivers, Captain.”

“What kind of plant is this, Lucy?’

Spock cleared his throat but Jim ignored him again.

“I’m not sure, but it’s really interesting. Look at these readings.”

Jim scooted closer to her and looked over her shoulder at the tricorder.

“Captain,” Spock said.

“Hm.” Jim met Lucy’s gaze and smiled.

“Captain,” Spock said more urgently.

Jim sighed. “Yes, Mr. Spock?”

“The plant is—”

Just then the plant sneezed purple pollen all over him and Lieutenant Rivers.

“Ugh, gross,” Jim said. “This thing just totally sneezed on me.” He turned to Spock. “Hey, what—”

His body started convulsing, his eyes bugged out, and he collapsed to the ground, holding onto his stomach.

“Jim!”

****

Jim woke up in sickbay. He recognized the beeps, the instruments, the hushed voices immediately.

Suddenly Bones appeared over him and he looked decidedly freaked out.

“Hey, Bones.” Jim blinked at the small, high pitched voice coming out of him, cleared his throat, and tried again. “What’s my status, Bones?”

Okay, what the hell?

“Jim. Jesus, you’ve done it this time.”

“Done what? What’s wrong with my voice? I sound like a kid.”

Bones produced a mirror and Jim stared at his reflection with wide eyes. A child of maybe nine or ten stared back at him.

Bones lowered the mirror. “It’s that plant that you got into down on the planet.”

“I didn’t get into it, it fucking sneezed on me!”

“Watch your mouth, kid.” Bones groaned. “We think it’s temporary.”

Jim tried not to give into the rising panic. “You think? You think?”

“Now, calm down. Spock’s spoken to the chieftain down there and he said the plant’s spray is only supposed to make you declare your true feelings to the one you love, but—”

“Bones, are you fucking kidding me?”

“You know it’s weird having a kid call me Bones.”

“I. Am. Not. A. Kid.”

“You look like one.” Bones shrugged. “Anyway, seems like you had an allergic reaction, no surprise there, so it’s done weird shit to you. The chieftain is pretty sure it’ll go away in a few hours.”

“Pretty sure?”

“Well. I guess the urge to confess hidden feelings goes away in a few hours so he’s basing it on that. We’ll keep you here in sickbay for now.”

“What about Lucy?”

“Lieutenant Rivers? She’s fine. Meaning she didn’t de-age or anything. I don’t think she’s been on the ship long enough to develop secret feelings.”

Jim thought of something with a sudden sense of dread. “Keep Spock out of here.”

“Why should I do that?” Bones asked with a frown.

“Just trust me, okay? Until I’m back to normal, do not send Spock in here.”

Bones shook his head. “Okay. You want anything? Milk? Cookies?”

“Fuck you.”

Bones laughed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes…kid.”

Jim huffed and sat up from the biobed dangling his feet off the bed. They didn’t even reach the floor.

“How are you feeling, Captain?” Christine Chapel approached him with a bright smile.

“Like I belong on the bridge.”

“You’d give the crew quite a shock looking the way you do right now.”

“Maybe. But I swear I still think like me, you know?”

“It must be frustrating,” she agreed. “Can I get you anything?”

“Coffee.”

Her smile faltered. “Oh, I don’t think I should give you that.”

“Why not?”

“Captain, you’re a child!”

“I am not!” he insisted.

“I will handle this, Nurse,” Spock said quietly, suddenly appearing by Jim’s bed.

“No!” Jim exclaimed. “Christine, don’t go.”

Chapel gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’ll bring you a cup of hot cocoa.”

When she had walked away, Spock arched a brow at him.

“Uh.”

“Captain.”

“You aren’t supposed to be here.”

Spock nodded. “I will return to the bridge momentarily.”

“No, I mean…I told Bones—never mind.”

“You are looking well,” Spock said. “Other than your incorrect age.”

“Yeah.” Jim licked his lips. “Say, listen.”

“Captain?”

“I’m totally desperately in love with you.” Jim clamped his hand over his mouth. Shit, shit, shit. He removed his hand. “I didn’t mean that. What I meant to say is I fucking love you so much. Damn it.”

Spock stared at him, his eyes as wide as saucers, and said nothing.

“Bones! Bones!” Jim yelled, his voice rising in panic. “Spock, please, just, don’t you know I love you?” He buried his head in his hands.

Bones came running. “Jim, what—oh. Spock. Um. Spock. You aren’t supposed to be here. Jim doesn’t want to see you. So, go on, get out of here.”

Spock didn’t say a word and when Jim removed his hands from his face, Spock was gone.

“Sorry, Jim. He slipped past me.”

“Jesus. I told him I loved him, Bones.”

“You did what?” Bones exclaimed.

“Multiple times.”

“You’re in love with the hobgoblin?”

“Yes,” Jim said through gritted teeth. “That’s why I said keep him away. God, that had to be weird for him. Some kid declaring he loved him. When is this thing gonna wear off already?”

Bones patted his arm. “Hopefully soon.”

“Yeah.” Of course it was too late. He’d already spilled his guts to Spock. Maybe Spock would be smart and pretend Jim never told him. Yeah. Jim hoped so.

****

Jim was just pulling on his adult sized command shirt, thank you very much, being back to normal rocked, when the chime to his door rang.

“Come.”

Spock walked into Jim’s quarters, his hands linked behind his back.

Jim tried a smile. “Commander.”

“Captain. You have returned to yourself.”

“Yep. Everything's right in the world again.” Jim shook his head. “I gotta stay away from sneezing alien plants though.”

“Agreed. However, I did try to warn you.”

Jim frowned. “You did?”

“I was attempting to when you were occupied focusing on flirting with Lieutenant Rivers.”

Jim winced. “Yeah, that. Pretty stupid of me.”

Spock nodded. “Yes, especially in light of your heartfelt declaration.”

His heart started pounding fast. “Uh, so, you uh, remember that.”

“You said it three times. And as a Vulcan, I have a memory that is—”

“Yeah, I know,” Jim interrupted. “I knew you’d remember. I was sort of stalling. Look, I’m sorry you had to hear it like that.”

“Hearing it from your child-self was rather strange.”

“I imagine.”

Spock shifted. “However, since I am here now and you are now once again your adult self, perhaps you could say it again.”

Jim stared at him, heart leaping into his throat. “You want me to say it?”

Spock nodded. He wasn’t sure why but something in those intense brown eyes made him feel safer and more secure than at any time in his whole life.

“I’m totally desperately in love with you,” Jim said quietly. “I fucking love you so much I can’t even remember anymore when I didn’t love you. When I didn’t know you. When I didn’t spend each night dreaming of you. Spock, don’t you know I love you?”

Spock had stepped very close during Jim’s speech and when he spoke the last word, Spock’s lips covered his. The kiss was long, so long Jim could hardly breath for the invasion of Spock’s lips on his, his tongue swirling around Jim’s tongue, and Jim didn’t care. If he died this way, he’d be happy.

Eventually, Spock broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Jim’s. “Jim, don’t you know I love you?”


	32. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of warnings.  
> Major character death.  
> This is a Spock Prime/James Kirk story, so it may not be for everyone

**A Death…**

Spock watched Jim sitting by himself in the sand, staring out into the ocean like he was completely lost. Spock supposed he was. Spock stood by the sliding glass door, hesitating. He knew Jim was in severe pain and might wish to be alone. But on the other hand, Spock could not handle Jim in severe pain without trying to help him.

Hands shaking, he slid open the heavy door of the rented beach cottage and made his way out to Jim’s location. His robes and sandals made it a little difficult to make it through the sand, but when he reached Jim, he gazed down at his bent head.

“May I join you?”

Jim nodded.

Spock lowered himself down into the sand, wondering how he would get up again later, and then put his hand on Jim’s leg. “What can I do for you?”

“Nothing,” Jim whispered. “There’s nothing.”

“I know this is difficult for you.”

Jim licked his lips and swallowed heavily. “I don’t really know what to do.”

Spock reached for Jim’s hand and took it in his grasp. He felt the usual warmth and tingle when they made contact. He sent his love and as much support and comfort as he could through their bond.

Jim leaned against him. “Why did he have to do it?”

“Your life was in danger, ashaya. There is no way he could have done anything else. He would not watch you die twice.”

“I keep hoping it isn’t real,” Jim whispered.

Spock ran his other wrinkled hand through Jim’s hair. “I wish that it was not as well. But my young counterpart loved you very much. Perhaps there is comfort in that.”

A tear rolled down Jim’s cheek. “If you weren’t here I don’t know what I would do.”

“I am. And I will be here as long as you require it.”

Jim clenched his hand like it was a lifeline. Spock supposed it was. “I’m pretty sure I will require it forever.”

Spock kissed the top of his head. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Dr. McCoy left me strict instructions to make sure you ate.”

“Later. Everything just tastes like sawdust right now.”

“Very well.”

“How did you do it?” Jim whispered.

Spock did not pretend to misunderstand. “Memories. They are treasures. Knowing of his great love for me. His patience.”

“His patience for you? I would think it would be the other way around.”

“Negative. He put up with a lot on my behalf.” Spock pulled Jim closer. “It is cold out here. Perhaps we should go inside?”

“I don’t feel it.”

Spock closed his eyes and massaged Jim’s skull a bit. “I know, ashaya.”

Jim nodded. “We can go inside if you want.”

Jim stood effortlessly and then reached down to help Spock up. He was grateful for Jim’s intervention. Moving around wasn’t as easy as it once was.

He was also grateful for Jim’s arm around his waist as they made their way through the sand and back to the cottage. He settled Jim on the couch and then brought him tea. Spock sat beside him with his own tea.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Jim whispered.

“As am I.”

“It helps, you know. To have you in my mind. Spock. Even though you aren’t—”

“Yes.” He touched his fingers to Jim’s face. He was not Jim’s Spock and Jim was not his Jim, but they were as close as they were both going to get now. And it was better than the alternative. For both of them.

****

**A Start…**

It had been difficult to get Jim to go to sleep. In the end Spock had to agree to sleep beside him and even then Jim’s sleep was restless to the point Spock had to use a very shallow mind meld to give Jim rest.

Spock rose early leaving Jim still asleep in the bed and went to another room to meditate. He had not expected to have the care of Jim Kirk be his responsibility once more, but neither would he shy away from the duty. Not this time.

Jim was a precious human in any universe and since his young counterpart could not be there for Jim, Spock would do it himself. He knew the younger Spock wanted that.

And the truth was that even if Spock made it back to his own timeline and universe, his Jim was gone. Spock was alone and so was this Jim. It made sense for them to be together. Jim in any universe was his t’hy’la. Spock would not, could not abandon him.

When he finished his meditation, Jim was still asleep, so Spock went into the kitchen and fixed tea. He set up a pot of coffee for Jim for when he woke up.

It was overcast and cold out, so Spock suspected they would spend most of the day indoors. The beach cottage was isolated and had been chosen for that very reason. It belonged to an Admiral friend of Jim’s who had advised Jim could stay there indefinitely during his leave, which was also indefinite.

Spock suspected eventually McCoy would come to check on Jim but for now they were all content for Spock to stay with Jim. They had all agreed it was what Jim needed right now.

After he had finished one cup of tea, Spock went to check on Jim and found that he was just waking. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment, before turning his sad blue gaze to Spock.

“Hey.”

“You may sleep longer if you wish.” Spock sat on the bed next to him.

“No, I should probably get up. How’s the weather?”

“Cloudy and cold.”

“And you didn’t turn the heat on?”

“I did not wish to make you uncomfortable.”

Jim sat up. “I don’t mind. You can do whatever you want, Spock.”

“Will you come sit with me in the kitchen and have your coffee?”

“Yeah, all right. Let me just go to the bathroom first,” Jim said.

Spock went back out to the kitchen and poured Jim coffee and himself more tea and waited at the table for Jim, who came out a few minutes later. He had changed into jeans and a T-shirt, though his hair still stood on end from sleeping.

Jim glanced briefly out the window before sitting down. “Think it will rain?”

“It might.”

Jim nodded and stared into his coffee.

Spock had never been good at making small talk. “Would you like breakfast now?”

“No. Not hungry.”

Spock felt a bit of despair at Jim’s refusal to eat. He could not get Jim to eat at all the day before.

Jim’s gaze suddenly rose to his. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I don’t mean to upset you. I’ll eat something if you want.”

Spock nodded, unsurprised Jim could feel his emotions and guess his thoughts. Ever since his young counterpart had died, Spock’s own bond with young Jim had strengthened. He rose from the table. “How about something simple like toast?”

Jim nodded. “All right.”

And Spock turned to make them both toast. It was a start anyway.

****

**Progress…**

He’d coaxed Jim into a game of chess later in the morning, but he could tell Jim’s mind wasn’t completely on it. Oh the moves he made were decent, but Spock was well aware of Jim Kirk’s chess moves having seen them for years.

“Checkmate.”

Jim smiled just a little. It was enough to make Spock’s heart twist in his side. “That’s what? Three games?”

“Yes,” Spock reluctantly admitted. He thought perhaps he should have held back and let Jim win.

“Absolutely not,” Jim said firmly. “I never want you to be less than you are, Spock, and you don’t need to let me win because you feel sorry for me.”

“You are under a mistaken impression, Jim. I grieve with you and for you, but I do not feel sorry for you. That implies pity and that I do not feel. I admire and care for you far too much for pity.”

Jim bit his lip and nodded. “Does it—does it ever get easier?”

Spock nodded. “Certainly it does. It takes a long time though and it does not go away entirely.”

“I’m glad you’re honest with me,” Jim said softly.

“Do you want to play again?”

“Not now.”

Spock rose and put away the chess set he had brought with them to the cottage.

“It’s funny.”

“What is, Jim?” He returned to sit by Jim.

“You feel just like him in my mind. It’s like he’s not even gone.”

“That is understandable. I am Spock. Though we came from different timelines and were shaped by differences in our circumstances, we are essentially one and the same.”

“So am I the same then in your mind?”

“Yes. You are James Kirk. My t’hy’la. My mind, my katra recognizes you, even here in this timeline as it always has since I arrived.”

“It’s gotten stronger though, hasn’t it? Since Spock…since then.”

“Yes, ashayam, it has. We are the only Jim and Spock in this timeline now so it is natural for our connection to grow strong to assimilate into our bond now.”

“I keep going back to the same thing,” Jim said. He reached for Spock’s hand, which gratified Spock. He closed his fingers around Jim’s palm. “I hate that he died for me.”

“I know you feel that way. But you must understand that for Spock there was no other way. He could not accept your death when he could prevent it. It was either you or him. Dr. McCoy told me himself.”

“Yeah.”

“You were his t’hy’la, his bondmate. That is treasured above all to a Vulcan. There was no way he could not have protected you. Had the situation been reversed can you say you would not have died in his place?”

“No, you know I would have. You know me, Spock. Better than anyone. I know you do.”

“And so you cannot really fault Spock. He knew the outcome.”

“I don’t have to like it.”

“No, you do not.” Spock moved closer to Jim until he could wrap his arms around him and draw him close against his chest on the couch. Earlier they had started a fire in the fireplace in the living room and now they both just stared into it while Spock held Jim.

Jim leaned his head back against Spock. “I would give up if it weren’t for you.”

Spock leaned his head against Jim’s. “I know, t’hy’la. But I am here. And I will not leave you.”

****

**A Promise of a Kiss…**

Jim fell asleep on the couch and Spock used the time to do more meditation. When he reemerged from the room he’d been using for his meditation, Jim still lay asleep on the couch. Spock knelt beside him and touched his fingers lightly to Jim’s temples.

He dreamed of the mission that had taken young Spock from him so very slowly, Spock worked to disturb the dream and change it to something far more pleasant. When he had accomplished that, Spock leaned down to place a kiss on Jim’s forehead and then went to his PADD he’d left at the dining room table.

He made himself more tea first, noticing that the clouds had thickened and the first few sprinkles had begun, and then sat down to send a few messages to those concerned about Jim.

Of course Dr. McCoy was first.

_Dear Doctor,_

_Jim is sleeping now. I am having trouble getting him to eat, however, this morning he did eat two pieces of buttered toast and drank coffee. For lunch I persuaded him to eat a small bowl of rice. It is an improvement over yesterday when he would not eat at all._

_It is fortunate that I am basically the same individual as Spock, with an advanced age, obviously, for it helps prevent Jim from suffering from the severing of the bond he had with my young counterpart. Though Jim is in deep mourning, his mind is not suffering the additional loss, and for that I am grateful._

_He is talking about his grief a little, which I find encouraging. You need not fear, I am watching him very closely._

_Spock._

He then sent short notes to Jim’s admiral friend, the owner of the cottage, and the rest of Jim’s crew with who he shared friendships. By the time he had finished the correspondence, it had begun to rain in earnest.

Spock noticed Jim stirring so he made him some tea and brought it to the couch. Jim opened his eyes.

“Hey.”

“Good afternoon, Jim.”

“Did I sleep a long time?”

“A few hours.” Spock handed him the tea after he sat up. In spite of the sleep, Jim’s eyes were bloodshot.

“I see it did decide to rain.”

“Indeed. I decided to make Plomeek soup for dinner.”

“Plomeek?” Jim’s eyebrows shot up at that. “You didn’t get Plomeek from the local markets.”

“I did not. I brought some with me.”

Jim laughed a little at that and Spock could not deny that his heart did a little zing at the sound. “Somehow that does not surprise me.”

“One must be prepared at all times.”

“Well this seems the perfect day for soup.” Jim patted the cushion beside him. “Will you sit? You’re standing above me hovering is a bit much.”

“I apologize.” Spock sat.

Jim shook his head. “Don’t. Just, you know, sit. And you don’t have to wait on me. I’m not an invalid.”

“I enjoy taking care of you,” Spock replied. “I will not refrain from it.”

That made Jim’s lips twitch. “You’re very stubborn.”

“You will find I can be more stubborn than you even realize,” Spock said. He was surprised when Jim reached over and stroked his index and middle fingers over his own. Surprised but not displeased. Spock could not deny he was immensely attracted to Jim. His own Jim, this Jim. He supposed this Jim was to be his now as well. They did not look the same but they were essentially the same and Spock found the Jim next to him extremely pleasing. He always had.

“Does that bother you?” Jim asked softly. “Me kissing you?”

Spock shook his head. “It does not. You may do as you please with me, Jim. I will provide no objection, I assure you.”

Jim licked his lips. “So, if I human kissed you? You would not object then, either?”

Spock found his gaze dropping to Jim’s lips, which were wet from his licking them. “I would not.”

Jim’s breath hitched just a little and then he was kissing Spock with a fierceness Spock found most welcome. It had been a long time since Spock was intimate with anyone, even as much as mere human kissing—if anything Jim did could be called mere—and Jim’s kisses were particularly potent. He found himself almost unbearably aroused and then he found himself feeling guilty for it.

“Hey, hey,” Jim said against Spock’s mouth with a shake of his head. “Don’t.”

“You-you are still grieving,” Spock protested, attempting to put some distance between him and Jim’s extremely tempting lips. “I cannot take advantage of that.”

“You want me. I know you do. I feel it.”

“I will not deny it. You are my t’hy’la in any form and I will always want you. Besides which, as I am certain you are aware, you are a very attractive human male.”

“Then—”

“Ashaya, I have no doubt that eventually we will become intimate if that is what you wish.”

“It is,” Jim insisted.

“Then it will be so as I will not deny you anything.”

“You are denying me,” Jim said with a touch of a pout.

“For now only,” Spock assured him. “I do not wish for there to be any regrets.”

“I won’t regret it. You’re my t’hy’la.”

Spock nodded. “Yes. But we will wait. For a short time, if you would prefer.”

“I’d prefer.”

Spock could not hold back his eye roll. “You must be patient.”

“Why?”

“Because right now you are acting out of grief,” Spock explained patiently.

Jim bit his lip. “Is it wrong to want to be with you?”

“Certainly not,” he hurried to assure Jim. “There is no universe, no timeline, where we are not together and there is nothing wrong with our bond, our love. Ever.”

“Okay,” Jim said with a nod. “Then fine. If you insist. We’ll wait. For a little bit.”

“Yes.”

Jim sighed. “Want help making dinner?”

“That would be most agreeable.”

****

**A Meld…A Katra**

Jim peeled the Plomeek in silence, staring out at the rain through the kitchen window. Spock made the broth for the soup but watched Jim carefully.

“You know you don’t have to watch me,” Jim said softly.

“Perhaps not,” Spock agreed. “But I like to do so.”

“Did you watch Jim so closely? I mean the Jim from your time.”

Spock thought about it. “Yes. I was perhaps young enough to be more discreet about it, but yes, I watched him. Watched over him. Watched after him. I protected him from danger when I could.”

“Yeah?”

“He was not always happy about it. When on the planet, Gamma Trianguli VI, I took a chest full of spores in place of Jim.”

“Ouch.”

“Indeed. Given that a security guard before me had been poisoned by the plants spores the captain was not at all pleased.”

Jim stopped peeling the Plomeek to come closer to Spock. “What happened? Were you hurt?”

“I was rendered unconscious. And after I was revived by Dr. McCoy I had a stomach upset.”

“I can see why I…I mean he…was upset.” Jim took Spock’s hands in his and curved his fingers around them. Spock felt their bond come to life, thrumming low and with contentment. “The bond…likes when we touch.”

Spock could not deny it. The bond which had lain so dormant after Jim’s death was alive and flourishing again. “It does.”

“I like it too,” Jim said softly. “I mean my head, yeah. The connection. I wouldn’t have dealt as well as I have without this with you, right?”

“No, you would not,” Spock admitted.

“But I like your touch, touching you.” Jim shook his head and moved closer until he put his arms around Spock’s waist and snuggled in. Spock allowed it and wrapped his arms closely around Jim. “Was your bond severed when you died in the warp core?”

“Negative for Jim and I had not yet bonded. It was not until I was revived and began to remember our life together that we bonded. We were much more stubborn than you and my young counterpart.”

“But…it…when you lost him…did it?”

“Essentially, yes. It was extremely difficult, however, when I found you in this timeline the bond reconnected,” Spock said. “Weak at first but it grew ever stronger as it recognized you were my t’hy’la.”

“Even with another you here with me.”

“Yes. It has, of course, become more focused now that there is only one Spock and one Jim.”

Jim drew back enough so that their faces were mere inches from each other. “Spock.”

“Jim.”

He felt the vulnerability in his young bondmate, the uncertainty and the sorrow, but also some hope.

“Will you meld with me?”

Spock should not, for he feared if he shared such an intimacy with Jim again, there would be no holding back, he would desire to be with Jim above all things, would never be parted from him, not while they had breath. Part of him wondered if Jim would yet choose to be apart. Perhaps being with a Vulcan was no longer his wish.

It had been nearly seven years since he’d last experienced Pon Farr. He thought perhaps he was too old for such things, yet his blood boiled for Jim, his desire rose hot and needy. Yes, a meld would be dangerous.

“Please.” Jim’s fingers reached up to caress Spock’s face. “Please, t’hy’la. I need you.”

Spock swallowed heavily. He could not deny this. Jim wanted it and so he would do whatever Jim wanted. Always. His fingers rose to Jim’s face, pressing lightly on the psi-points. Jim’s relief was palpable. “My mind to your mind, ashaya.”

Instantly he was in Jim’s mind, the threads of their bond wisping and winding together. Jim’s mind reached out desperately for Spock, clinging, seeking comfort, reassurance, which Spock gave.

His fingers dropped from Jim’s face but their meld did not dissolve. Jim’s lips were on his, desperately kissing him and Spock welcomed it, hungrily kissing back, their tongues dueling, tasting each other. It was new, it was old. A familiar taste, a familiar mind.

Without breaking their meld or dislodging their lips, Spock picked Jim up in his arms. Spock was not so old that he could not handle the weight of a young human male. He carried Jim to their bed, his resolve to wait seeming to disappear. He lay Jim down, covering his body with his own, their lips constantly in contact even as their hands began to roam and stroke each other’s bodies.

Jim got the sash of Spock’s robe undone and he slipped his hand inside, his fist curling over Spock’s already hardening cock. He gasped against Jim’s lips, the meld momentarily wavering, but Jim’s mind drew Spock back, insistent, unyielding.

His cock was leaking the extra slick lubricant Vulcans naturally provided and Jim’s fingers stroking his was nearly too much. He tore at Jim’s pants, wanting access to the naked flesh of his human.

Between them both they got the pants and briefs off and then Spock tore Jim’s T-shirt in two even as his human whined his approval.

Spock should put a stop to this. He should. But he could not, for he found himself wanting Jim with a desperation he had not felt in years. He found more lubricant, which he applied liberally inside Jim, as Jim panted and pressed against Spock, devouring Spock’s lips with his.

He lifted Jim’s legs then, wrapped them around his waist, his open robe billowing behind him, as he pushed inside his human. Madness, rapture, the feeling of floating above it all as he filled Jim completely. He’d been given his younger counterpart’s Katra in his final moments, Spock the younger had desperately passed it off to Spock the elder, and it was as though they were one, taking Jim, needing Jim, it was unbearable, he needed it badly.

“Jim, Jim, Jim,” he moaned, thrusting almost punishingly into the younger man’s willing body.

“God, yes, please, Spock, please. I love you, love you.”

Spock groaned as he felt the most powerful orgasm he had ever had rock his body and he emptied himself into Jim while yelling, “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

Jim came beneath him, shaking with the force of his own release and he held Spock tight. “He’s in you, you have him,” Jim said with a gasp.

Spock collapsed on Jim. “Yes.”

****

**Bonded…**

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jim asked softly, his head lying on Spock’s chest. “You must have known when he was dying he gave it to you.”

“I did. I was unsure how you would feel about it,” Spock admitted, his hand gently petting Jim’s head. “Considering everything you have been through, it would have been a lot for you to take.”

“Maybe.” Jim shook his head. “He wanted to give you his Katra while he was dying?”

“Yes,” Spock replied. “We melded briefly and he requested it of me and also that I take care of you. He need not have asked, for I would have done so anyway.”

“It’s amazing,” Jim whispered. “It’s like you were both there in the meld just now.” Spock nodded and Jim touched his fingers to Spock’s face. “It makes our bond even stronger, doesn’t it? That he’s in you somehow.”

“I believe it does, yes,” Spock agreed. “I was afraid you would not want this.”

“Are you kidding? God, it’s just incredible.” Jim squeezed him tightly. “I still miss him so much, but to have this…it’s a gift.”

Spock’s breaths shuddered. “For me as well, t’hy’la.”

“We don’t need to formalize this bond either, do we? I remember with Spock before we went through the formal bonding, but this—this already feels as though it’s already in place.”

“It is. We are fully bonded.”

Jim leaned up on his hands to gaze up at Spock. “Thank you. For everything. You’re just the most amazing being in any universe.”

Spock swallowed heavily. “I feel that way about you.”

“I guess that’s why we are t’hy’la.”

“Indeed.”

Jim smiled a little. His eyes were still a little more sorrowful than Spock would like, but that was to be expected. “We didn’t finish making the soup and I’m actually a little hungry.”’

“You are?”

“Yeah, for the first time in several days,” Jim said. “How about you?”

Spock was beyond pleased to hear it. “Yes, I believe I am also. Shall we rise and finish making our dinner?”

Jim nodded. “Sounds good.” He rubbed his fingers over Spock’s. “You’ll stay with me now.” It was a statement not a question.

Spock answered as though it was anyway. “Yes, always, t’hy’la.”


	33. Ruined Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The challenge this week was stranded on an isolated planet and a big rock.

“Go ahead and say it,” he said with no little amount of sullenness in his tone.

“Say what, Captain?” I asked.

“It’s my fault we’re stranded on this godforsaken planet,” Jim mumbled.

“It would seem you have said it for me so it is not required.”

“HA HA HA.”

“You are more put out by our predicament than usual, Captain.”

We were seated now against a very large rock, after having wandered around the planet surface aimlessly seeking a place where our communicators successfully reached the Enterprise, to no avail, and predictably Jim was restless.

“Yeah well. I kinda had plans. You know for later.”

“Plans?”

“I-I was gonna…oh never mind. It doesn’t matter now. It’s ruined.”

Something unpleasant unfurled in my stomach. “You had romantic plans.”

Jim ducked his chin. “Supposed to be.”

I had no interest in hearing of his pursuit of paramours, so I did not encourage a further discussion of this nature.

“I am certain the Enterprise is currently engaged in attempting to locate us for rescue efforts.”

Jim eyed me. “You can’t just say, ‘they’re probably looking for us’ like anyone else would?” He sighed. “Sorry, Spock. I’m just cranky.”

“To put it mildly.”

Jim leaned away from the very large rock to study it. “This fucker is huge. Where do you think it came from?”

“No doubt from the original occupants of the planetoid, Captain.”

“And who were they?”

“No one has been able to ascertain that information with the evidence the planetoid has provided.”

“You can’t just say, ‘I don’t know’?”

I sniffed. “If you do not appreciate my answers, Captain, then perhaps you should keep your questions to yourself.”

This earned me a smile.

“I managed to irritate you, didn’t I?”

“Vulcans do not get irritated.”

“Maybe Vulcans do not, but you sure do, Spock.” He laughed, leaning back against the rock once more. “You’re miffed, admit it.”

“I will admit to no such thing.”

Eventually Jim would get tired of teasing me, the captain never stayed on one subject for long, and move on to something else.

Jim sighed. “I’m bored.”

“There is nothing to be done about that.”

“You could tell me a story.”

“I do not tell stories.”

He snorted. “Not any good ones anyway. Remember when you tried to re-tell that joke Uhura told you? Oh, my God. You’re the world’s worst joke teller.”

“I find little humor in your mocking me, Captain,” I replied, coldly.

“Ah, Spock, I’m laughing with you not at you.” Jim shifted on the ground. “I could tell you about my romantic plans.”

“I would rather you did not.”

Of course he ignored me.

“I was going to invite this person to my quarters under some pretense.”

“Pretense?”

Jim smiled. “Yeah, you know, just to get them there so I can have my way with them.”

“I see.”

“And then when they arrived, I would probably say something totally stupid, because I always do with this person, and they’d be so exasperated with me they’d have to shut me up by kissing me.” Jim shook his head and laughed. “Sounds really lame, now.”

I privately agreed.

“Probably doesn’t matter that my plan is ruined because you know this person probably wouldn’t have done anything they were expected to do. I don’t think they even like me.”

“Most females find you quite attractive, Captain. I doubt you have to worry about it.”

“What about males?”

I glanced at his profile. “This person is a male?”

“Yep.”

“I was unaware you were interested in males.”

“I’m interested in everybody, Spock.”

Which, of course, was the problem. I shook my head. It did not matter that Jim was interested in males. It had nothing to do with me.

Jim was quiet for five minutes after that and then he very quietly said, “You really don’t know, do you?”

I was unsure to what he referred and was about to inquire when his communicator chirped.

He fished it from his pocket. “Kirk here.”

“Captain!” Mr. Scott exclaimed. “We’ve been looking for you!”

“Scotty, thank God. Can you get us out of here?”

“Jim, Jim, are you hurt?” Dr. McCoy asked.

“Bones!” Jim grinned. “Nope. Not hurt this time.”

“Thank God for small favors.”

“Scotty?”

I got up and joined Jim where he stood.

“Locking onto your coordinates now, Captain. Standby.”

Jim glanced at me just before our particles broke up.

When we reappeared aboard the Enterprise, Dr. McCoy was shuffling Jim out of the transporter room without a backwards glance at me, so I headed to the bridge.

****

“Mr. Spock, can you come to my quarters? I need to see you.”

“Certainly, Captain. I will be there momentarily.”

I had just finished my shift and returned to my quarters when the captain had requested my presence. My plan had been to meditate but that would have to wait for whatever it was the captain needed.

I gained immediate entrance to his quarters and saw that he was standing beside a table set with plates and food. I just stared at it, completely at a loss to its meaning.

Jim was bright red, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I, uh, don’t really cook or anything, and I admit I had help with figuring out the Vulcan dishes, so, um, anyway.”

Vulcan dishes? Jim had done all this for me? Was I…

“You probably ought to say something,” Jim said softly. “No? Waiting for me to say something stupid like I always do, huh?”

My heart had sped up so fast in my side, it was hard to calm myself.

And Jim was deflating before my eyes.

“Oh.” Jim exhaled with such force I felt it across the room. “I see. Well. You-you can go then.” He turned away, but not before I saw unacceptable sorrow and defeat in his eyes.

“Jim,” I said, finally finding my voice. I grabbed for his wrist, my fingers encircling the rapid pulse point there. “I am the one you had romantic plans for?”

He smiled a little. “Well, yeah. I thought it was obvious how much I fucking worship you. But, I was right, you really don’t know.”

I pulled him to me and framed his face with my hands. “I dared not hope. To hope and be wrong…I could not.”

Jim’s eyes were shining. “Does that mean you accept my invitation to dinner?”

“I accept that and all you have to offer.”

His eyes widened, his pupils dilated. “Dinner can be reheated.” 


	34. Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This week's challenge was to write to a song. I think you can guess what I chose

_What have I got to do to make you love me_

_What have I got to do to make you care_

_What do I do when lightning strikes me_

_And I wake to find that you're not there_

_What do I do to make you want me_

_What have I got to do to be heard_

_What do I say when it's all over_

_And sorry seems to be the hardest word_

_Can a person die of a broken heart?_

Leonard read the message from Jim twice. Three times. Normally he’d dismiss it as drama from his best friend. But there was something making his gut twist painfully and his heart pound like he’d ran a marathon.

Dread crept up Leonard’s spine and there was no way he could ignore it. He rose from his chair and left his office, headed for Jim’s quarters.

As he reached the deck containing the officers’ quarters he spotted Spock just outside of Uhura’s quarters. They were embracing and Spock was speaking softly to her and she kept nodding.

It was on the tip of his tongue to make some sarcastic remark about them making out in the corridor, but Leonard was not in a joking mood. He ignored the pair, and instead stopped before Jim’s door. He buzzed for entrance but didn’t bother to wait for an answer and instead used his CMO code to gain entry.

“Jim!” Leonard exclaimed as soon as he saw his friend sitting hunched on the floor, his back against the bulkhead, his face streamed with tears, his eyes bloodshot. Clasped in Jim’s hand was a phaser.

Leonard knelt beside him and removed the phaser from Jim’s hand and put it as far from both of them as he could. “What happened?”

Jim’s eyes were unfocused as he shook his head.

“Jim, come on, darlin’, talk to me.”

Jim blinked tears away and finally looked at Leonard. “I fucked up. Badly.”

“How badly?”

“Worse than anything I’ve ever done.”

Leonard pulled him close. “Wanna tell me?”

“Bones, I don’t even know anymore.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“It is.”

Leonard sighed. “It’s Spock, isn’t it?”

Jim’s breath hitched. “I don’t know what to do anymore. He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t want me. I’ve tried everything.”

Leonard nodded. “What happened?”

“Last night, I…I went crazy I guess. Crazier I guess.” Jim laughed, but it came out as more like choking.  “I seduced him.”

“You had sex with Spock?”

“Yeah. But he didn’t want it.”

Leonard frowned. “You forced him?” That didn’t sound like Jim, but he wanted to be sure.

“No. Yeah. I mean, I thought he wanted it too. I thought…the signs were there, you know. I thought they were. I thought he felt the same. But I woke up this morning and he wasn’t there.”

Leonard thought of seeing Spock in the corridor with Uhura. He didn’t want to punch the hobgoblin. Okay, he did. But he needed to hear the rest of Jim’s story first.

Jim exhaled a shaky breath. “So I went to his quarters to talk to him. To find out why. And he…he…”

“What?” Leonard asked, gently, dreading the answer.

“He said it was a mistake to come to my quarters. It’s over between us. We can’t be friends. He doesn’t love me. Doesn’t want me. Wants nothing to do with me. And that I probably did irreparable damage to his romantic relationship with Uhura.”

“What? Are you…he said all that?”

“Yes.” Jim whispered. “I tried to say I was sorry, that I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. I tried to explain. He said I took advantage of him as his captain and he should file a report.”

“Oh my fucking God.”

Jim shook his head and buried his face in Leonard’s shirt. “Told you I fucked up.”

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“No. Bones. No. Okay? This is my fault not his. I just…I misconstrued everything and it cost me even his friendship. I don’t blame him.”

“Well I sure fucking do.”

“Just…just don’t do anything, okay? Shore leave is the day after tomorrow. Maybe things will look better.”

“I’m taking you off duty until then.”

“Bones—”

“I’m serious, Jim. I don’t want you to have anything to do with seeing him. He can run the goddamn ship without you.”

Jim sighed. “It’s all on me.”

“Bullshit. I’ll be honest, Jim, I thought the hobgoblin had feelings for you too. I’m shocked as hell he reacted this way.”

“You sipped from the same crazy potion as I did then,” Jim mumbled.

Leonard nodded and hugged him tighter. “Yeah.”

****

“Jim?”

Jim closed his eyes and snuggled into the plush sheets and blankets.

“Jim?”

He was shaken so he slapped at whoever it was.

“Jim! There’s someone at the door. And they are really persistent.”

Jim peeled his eyes open. Two naked Risan women stared down at him. He heard the bell on his hotel door ringing over and over.

“Why didn’t you just get it?” Jim grumbled.

“Well, what if it’s a Starfleet officer?” one of them asked. Brandy, he thought was her name.

“So, what? I’m a Starfleet officer.”

The other one, Candy or something, leapt up from the bed and grabbed a robe. “I’ll get it.”

“Tell them to go fuck themselves,” Jim said, closing his eyes.

“Captain.”

His eyes opened wide at the familiar voice. “Candy, do what I said.”

“Jim says to go fuck yourself.”

“Jim, I wish to speak with you at once.”

“I’m busy. And since we aren’t friends or…or anything…you don’t get to call me Jim.”

“Please leave us,” Spock said to Candy and Brandy.

Jim sat up and scowled. “No, don’t. You two aren’t going anywhere. He is. Look, Commander, I’m not on duty. I’m on shore leave. Whatever ship’s business it is can wait because I’m not dealing with it.”

“It is not ship’s business,” he said stiffly.

“Jim,” Brandy said uncertainly. “Maybe we should just go.”

“Yes,” Spock said.

Candy nodded. “Vulcans make me nervous.”

“Girls, he’s leaving.”

But the girls were gathering their things and dressing, Spock’s gaze carefully averted.

“Where can I meet you later?” Jim asked as they hurried for the door, but the girls fled without responding. “Fuck.” Jim ran his fingers through his hair. “Thanks for that.”

“It was necessary for us to talk.”

“I figure you said all you had to say the morning after,” Jim said, laying back flat on the bed and staring at the ceiling. “Bones said he saw you and Uhura together so it appears things are okay with you. That’s good, and I’m glad to hear it. If there’s nothing else—”

“You have resigned as captain of the Enterprise.”

Jim shrugged. “So?”

“Effective immediately.”

“Yeah. But don’t worry I’m sure you can still file a report against me.”

“I have no intention of filing a report, Jim.”

“Kirk.”

Spock made no response to that and for a long time the hotel room lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.

“Why?” Spock asked finally.

“Because I have determined I am unfit to command the Enterprise given my emotional compromise. Starfleet has accepted my resignation, by the way, and when shore leave is over the Enterprise will head to Starbase 12 to pick up my replacement.”

Spock inhaled sharply. “I do not accept it.”

“Too bad, you have no choice.”

“If you are attempting to emotionally blackmail me—”

“Wow, you really think I’m a shit, don’t you? I thought we’d gotten past all that after I died, but I guess not. I don’t want anything from you, Commander. No worries.”

“Did Dr. McCoy approve this?’

“He doesn’t have a choice either. And no, he’s not happy about it. But life goes on. Ships change commanders all the time. It’s not that drastic.”

“I disagree.”

Jim sighed. “Listen, Spock, I’m sorry this epic friendship or whatever we were supposed to have didn’t work out. But apparently this timeline is just too different from the other one.”

“Jim—”

“I was wrong, Spock. I shouldn’t have done what I did, I shouldn’t have interfered with your relationship with Uhura, I shouldn’t have kissed you or had sex with you or told you I loved you or any of that.”

“You did not.”

Jim frowned and finally looked at Spock for the first time in several minutes. “I did not what?”

“You did not say you loved me.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Spock shook his head. “You said you desired me. You had wanted to have sex with me for months. You said nothing about love.”

Jim laughed. “You knew.”

“No.”

“What does it matter anyway? You don’t love me nor want me. You said so.”

“Because I was under a mistaken impression.”

“What was that?”

Spock had turned dark green. “I was another of your conquests.”  

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you have never been in a romantic relationship. You told me that yourself. All evidence supported this. It was implied that you were seeking me out for sexual gratification because you could.”

Jim stared at him. “Implied? By who?”

“It does not matter.”

“Nyota, right?”

Spock would not meet his gaze.

Jim shook his head. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter like I said. You wouldn’t be the first one to believe the worst of me and you won’t be the last. And you can’t help the way you feel, Spock. I can’t help it either though and I think it’s just better for us not to work together.”

Spock let out a shaky breath. “I apologize.”

“For what?”

“Lying to you.”

“You’ve lost me. I thought Vulcans cannot lie.”

“We prefer not to, but it is not as though we will be struck down if we tell a falsehood.”

Jim bit his lip. “Oh. Well, okay.”

“You do not understand.”

“Enlighten me.”

Spock moved closer to the bed. “I lied when I said I did not love you nor want you. In fact, I do.”

“All of a sudden?”

Spock shook his head. “Negative. For a long time. That is why the implication was that making me one of your conquests would be easy for you.”

“But you’re—you’re with Uhura.”

He shook his head again. “I have not been romantically involved with her since shortly before your seduction of me.” His ears were green.

“You lied about that too?”

“I…exaggerated.”

“But Bones said—”

“The doctor was mistaken in what he witnessed. She was comforting me because I was emotionally compromised.”

“Hell.”

“Please. You cannot leave the Enterprise,” Spock said. “If you do not wish to pursue a romantic relationship, I accept that. But I cannot accept your leaving.”

“They already accepted,” Jim whispered, his heart pounding in his aching chest.

“They will take you back if you withdraw it. Dr. McCoy and I have already spoken with the admiralty. They were not happy with your resignation.”

“No, they were not.” Jim frowned. “Wait. You and Bones talked to them?”

Spock nodded. “It is to our mutual benefit to combine forces.”

Jim stared at Spock for a long time. “Are you sure?”

“I assure you, Jim, I do not declare myself lightly.”

He was grateful that Spock did not pretend to misunderstand.

“And…you are certain?” Spock asked.

“More certain than you can possibly imagine.” Jim smiled. “And if I am not mistaken we still have two more days of shore leave left, so get in this bed, Mr. Spock.”

Spock shook his head. “Not until the sheets are washed.”

“What?”

“There were two Risan women here who you engaged in sexual intercourse with.”

Jim cleared his throat. “Er. About that. I, um, well.”

Spock waved that off. “And not until you have showered.”

Jim nodded. “Okay.”

“And sent your withdrawal of your resignation to Starfleet.”

Jim smiled again and rose from the bed. Spock immediately stared down at Jim’s naked body and when Jim put his hand on Spock’s arm he felt…wait.

“Are you jealous?”

“No.”

“You are!”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim sighed. “I’m sorry, Spock. I went about this whole thing so wrong.”

“We have both erred.”

“Yeah.” Jim leaned forward to kiss Spock but to his surprise Spock stepped back.

“Shower.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fussy Vulcan. Okay. But, you know, you, um, could join me.”

Spock seemed to think about it, then nodded, and followed after Jim.


	35. Young Love

“I’ve never been with a Vulcan before,” the blond teen admitted as he lay beside the Vulcan in the single bed. It was too small for them, really. But they hadn’t cared. It fit them perfectly. Even now afterward, after the kissing, and the desperation, and the bodies sliding against each other, the bed did not seem too small. Not to him. He was lying mostly on the slightly taller, way stronger Vulcan, and the Vulcan didn’t seem to mind. He just held the human there.

“That can no longer be factually true.”

The human smiled at that. “No, I guess not.”

“I had never been with a human before either,” the Vulcan said softly.

The blond human leaned up on his hands and peered at the Vulcan. “I guess you don’t get a lot of humans here on Vulcan, huh?”

“No. Just my mother. Before your family arrived, that is.”

Their parents had known each other before, when the Vulcan’s parents had come to Earth, and now the humans visited on Vulcan.

“Well.” The blond bit his lip. “Maybe I hadn’t been with anyone before.”

And then for a moment he wished he hadn’t admitted to that because the Vulcan stiffened, going completely rigid. His hands had stopped gently massaging circles into the human’s back.

“I—”

“Was I your first?”

“Uh.”

“If I had known…did I injure you?” the Vulcan asked, his grip on the blond suddenly tightening.

“No,” he assured him. “No. You didn’t.”

The Vulcan relaxed a little but he did not loosen his hold. “I could have made your first time better had I known it.”

“Any better and I would have died.” He laughed at the Vulcan’s stricken face. “You’re so literal. That was a compliment. I just meant it was incredible. Beyond anything I ever imagined.”

“How much imagining did you do?”

“A little.”

“Did you ever imagine with me?” the Vulcan asked far too casually.

The human smiled. “All the time.”

“Yes?”

“Back on Earth? Remember when I kissed you at the pool party? The one just before you came back to Vulcan?”

“Of course.”

“I wanted that day to end up like this.” He sighed. “It didn’t.”

“I know. You were disappointed?”

“I was then,” the blond admitted. “I’m not now.”

The Vulcan’s fingers threaded through his hair. “Nor am I.”

“So, uh, you’ve been with others?”

“One, yes.”

“Oh.”

“They are irrelevant,” the Vulcan promised softly.

“Are they?”

“Yes.”

He laid his head back down on the Vulcan’s chest. “Does that mean—” He stopped, bit his lip.

“What?”

“No. it’s stupid.”

“I do not think it is.”

He laughed. “You don’t know what I was going to say.”

“You want to know if we will only be with each other now.”

The blond human swallowed heavily, nodded.

“That is what we both want, is it not?”

“Yeah.”

“Then it shall be so.”

“You don’t think we’re too young?” he asked.

“Our age is irrelevant to the way we feel.”

“Yeah,” the human said with a smile. “It is.”

“You should go to sleep, t’hy’la.”

He yawned. “Is that a Vulcan word? I haven’t heard that one.”

“It is. And you will hear it often. Go to sleep.”

“’Kay. Good night, Spock. ”

“Good night, Jim.”


	36. A Look Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's challenge was for Kirk's eyes to temporarily change color and for him to get a glimpse of the future

“Where are you going?” Spock asked the captain as he was headed in the opposite direction of where the rest of the landing party was exploring, including, Spock noted, the security guards.

“Hmm?” Kirk asked.

It had been Spock’s experience that if Kirk did not want to answer a question he would respond in this fashion.

“Where are you going, Captain?” Spock patiently repeated.

“Just over here for a bit.”

“Why?”

“You know, to see what’s over here.”

“You should wait for security.”

Kirk laughed. “I’m not a delicate flower, Commander. I think I can investigate a location without needing a guard.”

Spock refused to get into a discussion about whether Kirk was a delicate flower or not as he found it not only odd but irrelevant. He opened his mouth to further warn his captain away from the area unescorted when Kirk just kept walking as though Spock hadn’t been trying to prevent him from yet another unnecessary disaster.

Spock repressed a sigh with effort and followed after his stubborn captain. They’d gone only a few feet when Spock noticed a troublesome rock in Kirk’s path. It didn’t really look like the other rocks in the immediate area.

“Captain, there is a strange rock in your path, please be—”

But even as he said it the rock exploded sending Kirk flying into the air several feet away. Spock hurried to him, but he was unconscious.

“Spock to Enterprise.”

“Scott here.”

“We need immediate beam up. The captain has been injured.”

“Standby.”

Less than ten seconds later they were beamed back onto the Enterprise. Spock picked up the captain and headed toward the exit. “Beam the rest of the party up, also.”

“Aye. Commander.”

When Spock arrived at the medbay McCoy was waiting.

“What the hell happened?” he demanded.

“A rock exploded near him.” Spock laid him on a biobed.

McCoy began to scan Jim, frowning. “His vitals are way off.”

Spock’s heart thudded in his side, watching anxiously. This was precisely why he wanted the captain to remain behind during landing parties.

Suddenly Kirk let out a gasp and came instantly awake.

“What the fuck?” The doctor took a step back.

“Bones?”

Spock glanced at the doctor in surprise and then turned to the captain. Spock stared.

“What? Why do you guys look so freaked?” Kirk demanded.

McCoy inhaled. “Jim, your eyes.”

“What? What about them?”

McCoy walked away without a word. Kirk looked at Spock.

“What’s going on, Spock?”

“Your eyes are silver, Captain.”

“Wait, what?”

McCoy reappeared and handed a small mirror to Kirk. The captain stared at his reflection. “Oh my God.”

“It’s probably temporary,” McCoy said, taking back the mirror.

“Probably?”

“Uh. I’ll be right back,” the doctor said. “Want to look something up. Spock, stay with him.”

Spock would not have left even if the doctor had ordered him to leave.

Kirk sighed. “I suppose you’re going to say you told me so.”

“I am not. That is an urge that humans give into.”

Kirk lifted his hand to his face and his hand shook. Spock did not like to see it.

“How are you feeling?”

“A little rattled.”

Spock reached out and took hold of the hand that Kirk had touched his face with. Kirk gasped and closed his eyes but he didn’t let go of Spock’s hand. In fact he clutched it tighter.

“Captain?” Spock asked, alarmed.

“Spock, you and I—”

Kirk opened his eyes, they were still silver, but now he was staring at Spock in surprise.

“Captain, are you unwell?”

“I saw-I saw something. The future?” Kirk shook his head.

Spock wondered if the rock blast had affected the captain’s mind. He held onto the captain’s hand and Kirk didn’t pull away.

“What did you see?” Spock asked warily.

“You and me,” Kirk said, licking his lips. “We were—”

McCoy returned holding a hypospray. “Hold on one second, Jim.” He reached for the captain’s neck.

“Wait, Bones—”

The captain went limp as the doctor lowered him to the bed.

****

Spock waited for access to the captain’s quarters and when the door slid open, he entered.

Kirk stood next to the desk in his room and he was smiling. “Hey, Spock.”

“Dr. McCoy advised me he released you and that your eyes have returned to their usual color.”

“They have. I’m relieved. Silver eyes reminded me too much of…well, you remember.”

“Gary Mitchell,” Spock murmured.

“Yeah. I’m glad I didn’t turn into some despot.”

“The entire crew is glad of that.” Spock paused. “Jim?”

Kirk’s smile widened. “Yeah?”

“You spoke of seeing the two of us in the future. Do you still believe that is what you saw?”

The smile fell from Kirk’s face. “I don’t know. I think…maybe it’s what I hoped for. For the future. I mean, how do I even know?”

Spock took a step closer. “What did you see?”

“We were…”

“Yes?”

“Together,” Jim whispered.

For a moment Spock wasn’t sure what Kirk meant, but then he noticed the blush staining his captain’s cheeks and he knew.

“This is what you had hoped for?” Spock asked, carefully. He wanted no misunderstandings.

Kirk nodded, his gaze, unwavering, meeting Spock’s.

Spock stepped up to him until they were so close he felt Kirk’s breath upon his face. He touched his fingers to Kirk’s jaw. “Then perhaps it was the future you saw after all.”

And then he crushed Kirk’s lips with his.


	37. Come to the Party

“What are you doing hiding in here?”

Jim jumped at the sound of Bones’ voice.  He winced. “I’m not hiding. Exactly.”

“Give me a break, Jim. You usually take any excuse to have a party. Yet here you are.” Bones stared intently at him. “I thought you’d use the Christmas party to get somewhere with Spock since he broke up with Nyota.”

Jim laughed mirthlessly. “I don’t even think he’s going to the party.”

“Ha, a lot you know. He’s there now. He even asked about you.”

For a moment Jim hesitated. “Yeah?"

“Yes.”

He sighed. “I’m not good company. Not for Christmas.”

“Come on, Jim. Moping in here is doing nothing for you. And I know there are presents for you.”

“Presents for me? From who?”

“Me for one, you dolt. And there’s another one too.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “From who?”

Bones shrugged. “You’ll have to come see.”

“That’s cheating.”

“Probably.” Bones grabbed his arm. “No one wants to spend Christmas on the observation deck. Come on.”

Jim sighed and let himself be dragged away from the window and down to the rec room where the holiday festivities were in full swing.

He immediately sought out Spock and saw him standing near the tree with Uhura and Sulu. Even as Jim watched them he became aware at the exact moment Spock noticed him. Spock’s dark eyes fell on him and he stopped speaking. Jim’s chest tightened and his pulse quickened.

“There’s your hobgoblin,” Bones said beside him.

“He’s not mine.”

“Really? Look at his face, Jim. He’s yours.”

Jim swallowed. Fuck it all if Bones wasn’t right. It was right fucking there in Spock’s eyes. Even Jim could see it.

“Have I been blind?” he whispered.

“Yep,” Bones told him.

Jim laughed as Bones shoved him toward Spock. Spock had left Uhura and Sulu by the tree and made his way to Jim. They met in the middle of the rec room.

“Hey.”

“Captain.”

Jim smiled. “Wanna spend the night with me?”

“Here?”

Jim shook his head. “No. I mean in my quarters. Or your quarters. Whichever.”

For a second Jim held his breath wondering if Spock would turn him down after all.

“Shall we leave now?” Spock asked quietly.

Jim’s smile widened. “Definitely.”

They were heading for the door when Bones stopped them.

“What about the presents?” Bones asked.

“Tomorrow. I already have the gift I wanted most.”

And he and Spock, standing very close together, left the Christmas party for Spock’s quarters.  


	38. Finding Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit more Christmas fluff for the day

Leonard wasn’t sure how it had all gone wrong. One minute they’d been making merry, all of them, and the next he was in sickbay working to keep his two best friends alive. What had started out as a great day had turned into a nightmare he would very much like to wake up from.

Spock woke first.  His eyes blinked open slowly. It took him a moment to focus on Leonard.

“What happened?” Spock’s voice was hoarse and weak.

“Ship was attacked. There were a number of injuries. Some casualties. The situation is presently stable and we’re headed for a space station for repairs.”

“The captain?”

Leonard frowned. “In the bed next to you.”

“He was injured?”

“Yeah.”

“What is his condition?”

Leonard looked away and Spock’s hand reached out and gripped Leonard’s wrist.

“You will answer.”

“It’s not good, Spock. He’s stable, for the moment, but he was thrown across Deck 5 and hit the bulkhead pretty hard. I fixed his broken bones but he had a severe head injury. We’re monitoring him for brain swelling.” Leonard swallowed heavily. “And brain damage.”

“Brain damage?”

“His brain activity is lower than it should be, Spock.”

Spock began to rise.

“No. You’ve been injured, too, Spock. The best thing you can do for Jim is to rest and get better. That’s what he’d want and we both know it. I’ll sedate you if I have to.”

“Very well, doctor.”

Spock lay back down and closed his eyes. Leonard checked on Jim but there was no change so he went to check on his other patients.

An hour later he returned to check on Spock and Jim and discovered Spock’s bed was empty. Startled, he glanced over at Jim’s bed. Spock lay there with Jim on top of him. Spock’s hand was on Jim’s face and Jim was snuggled against Spock’s chest.

Leonard exhaled slowly and approached them. He was even more surprised to see both of them awake and watching him.

“Hello,” he said to them.

“Doctor.”

Jim smiled ever so slightly. “Hey, Bones.”

“Did you use your Vulcan voodoo on him, Spock?”

“If you are referring to a meld, yes.”

“You, uh, are you, uh…”

Spock arched a brow.

“You two seem pretty cozy,” Leonard said.

“Well, we are captain and first officer, Bones.”

“Right. Yet I can’t remember Spock doing this with Pike when he was Pike’s first officer.”

“We’re a little closer than that, it’s true.”

“Your legs are entwined,” Leonard pointed out.

“Are they?”

Leonard sighed and did a quick scan of Jim. Relief swept through him. “Looks like your voodoo worked, Spock.”

“Can we leave sickbay?”

“Not so fast, princess. You may not have any brain damage or swelling but you aren’t completely out of the woods. You’re staying. Both of you.”

“Very well,” Spock said.

“You want to move back to your own bed now?” Leonard asked.

“Negative.”

“Just captain and first officer huh?”

Jim laughed softly. “Well…we might be shacking up.”

Leonard snorted. “No kidding. How long?”

“I am not certain that is your concern.”

“Uh, since the beginning of October.”

“What? It’s December now.”

“Well, yeah, I know. You didn’t think I could keep a secret, huh?”

“No, I didn’t. I mean I knew it would happen eventually. I was even considering getting in on the betting pool but—”

“Betting pool, doctor?”

“Sure, a lot of the crew have been betting you two would get together at some point. Just a matter of when.”

Spock sniffed. “They obviously do not have enough assigned duties.”

“This thing between you, is it just sex—and I can’t believe I just had to say that—or something more serious?”

“The captain is my t’hy’la.”

“Your what?”

“Bondmate,” Jim supplied. “It’s kind of like the Vulcan equivalent of soulmate husbands.”

“It is much more than that,” Spock said regally.

“Wait one minute. Back it up. You two are _married_?”

“Essentially, yes,” Spock agreed.

“Mr. and Mr. Kirk.”

“Spock.”

“Whatever.”

“When were you going to tell me this, Jim? I’m your best friend!” Leonard protested. “Not to mention your CMO.”

“We were making it your Christmas present.”

“What kind of fucked up Christmas present is that?”

Jim smiled. “And a bottle of bourbon, of course.”

Leonard sighed and then grumbled. “I guess…congratulations.”

“Merry Christmas, Bones.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go to sleep before I sedate you.” Leonard turned and walked away as his two best friends snuggled closer together.


	39. The Terrible Day That Wasn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My challenge this week was a concussion, a tree that was a Christmas tree, and twinkling lights that were not Christmas lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Kirk and Spock appear in next week's challenge as well.

Jim was having a craptastic day, of that there was no doubt. He’d awakened that morning feeling out of sorts for no good reason. He’d obtained coffee out of the replicator in his room but it had come out ice cold. He’d immediately complained only to hear there was apparently some sort of breakdown of the replicators.

When he’d gotten mad and yelled at the engineer responsible for it, Spock had told him he was being unreasonable, which had caused a fight between them. Their first fight since they had embraced couplehood, or that’s how Bones had referred to it anyway. The last three weeks they’d spent every night together. Not always having sex but a lot of the time.

He should have known it was going too well. At first, after their fight over his snappy attitude to the engineer, they’d moved past it and everything seemed okay between them. Jim was a little sensitive about it, because relationships really weren’t his thing. He was all for the physical, not so much the emotional.

Which seemed kind of okay because Spock was sort of like him. He was fine with showing Jim in a very physical dominating way how much he wanted to be with him—Jim paused a moment to recall being held down the night before while Spock slammed into him over and over—but Spock clammed up faster than…well a clam when emotions entered the discussion.

They’d both gone to the bridge after their first fight and things seemed okay until they hit some barrier nobody seemed to know was there before they hit it and it had sent Jim flying off his chair and into Chekov’s chair. He’d cracked his head but good, and though it hadn’t put him out, it had given him a nasty as hell headache that made his head feel like his brain was leaking out his ears.

He’d gone to Bones who had given him a lecture he hadn’t wanted to hear, so he’d snapped at Bones, who then looked a little bit like Jim had maybe kicked him. Jim had mumbled an apology and went to his quarters to lay down for a little bit like Bones had said to do.

And then the day got worse, because Spock came in to check on him and Jim didn’t even know how it happened exactly but suddenly they had a big argument. He was sure he started it, but maybe Spock had, whatever, and Spock had ended up storming out of Jim’s quarters, this time with no resolution between them.

Jim had laid there for a good forty-five minutes feeling incredibly sorry for himself. He’d pulled the covers up over his head and wondered if Spock would return so they could talk it over, but he hadn’t. Jim’s stomach was twisted in knots and his chest ached with the effort to breathe.

While he lay there, he spent a lot of time wondering if this had been it for them. Two fights in a day couldn’t have been a good thing. He should have known he was terrible relationship material. Spock would return all right. To announce he was through with James T. Kirk and was going back to Nyota Uhura. Or maybe he’d become a Vulcan monk or something.

And the longer he stayed there cocooned in his bed thinking the world had ended or something, the more upset Jim felt. He decided if Spock did return either to talk it out or to tell him to hit the road, whichever, Jim would not be there.

The first place he went was the medbay to make nice with Bones. He found his friend in his office.

“How are you feeling, Jim?” Bones asked, not unkindly.

“Still have a headache.”

“A concussion will do that.”

Jim frowned. “I have a concussion?”

Bones looked at Jim as though he thought he was an idiot. “Were you listening at all earlier?”

“Er. No. Maybe. I’ve had a bad day,” Jim mumbled.

“Poor princess. Sit down.”

Jim sat across from him. “I would kill for a cup of coffee.”

Bones shook his head. “No need to resort to murder.” He got up and went to his replicator and when he handed the cup to Jim it was hot.

“Oh, my God! I thought they were still fixing them.”

“Most of them yeah.” Bones grinned. “I have my secrets.”

“What were you doing?”

“Looking up trees.”

Jim took a sip of his coffee. “What? Did you say trees?”

“Yeah, pine trees.”

“Pine trees.”

Bones snorted. “See for yourself.”

Jim put his coffee down and went to the other side of the desk to look at Bones’ terminal. “They look like Christmas trees.”

“Yeah, that’s the idea. Christmas is coming, you know.”

Jim thought about that and then grimaced. “Yeah I guess it is. But what’s with the trees now?”

Bones shrugged. “I was trying to find a way to send one to Joanne.”

Jim smiled, feeling a little emotion tighten his throat. He squeezed Bones’ shoulder and returned to his seat. “I wish you could be there with her for Christmas.”

“Me too. But maybe I can have a tree delivered and that’ll be something.” Bones’ eyes were a little wet, but they both pretended it wasn’t so. “I thought you’d be with the hobgoblin having him take care of you.”

Reminded of his problems, Jim sighed. “Yeah, he doesn’t want to take care of me. We had a big fight and he left me.”

Bones stared at him, eyes wide. “What? Spock left you?”

“Well, he didn’t leave me, leave me. Or I don’t think so anyway. I meant he left my quarters and I haven’t seen him since.”

“Well, I’m sure he’s probably looking for you even now ready to cuddle up to you,” Bones said with a smirk.

“Oh hush.”

“I’m sure whatever fight you had isn’t serious, Jim. I have my issues with Spock, but he is completely besotted with you.”

“Besotted and Spock don’t go in the same sentence.”

“With you as the third word, they do. Trust me, no matter what idiotic thing you do, Spock’s sticking around.”

“Well…maybe.” Jim finished his coffee and stood. “I guess I’ll let you finish with the trees.”

“You going back to your quarters?”

“Eventually. Think I’m going to see Scotty first.”

Jim made his way to engineering and found Scotty huddled over a machine that had twinkling white lights flashing all over it. “What the hell is that?”

“A new program that’s giving me wee fits,” Scotty said, frowning. “Those lights?”

“Yeah?”

“They aren’t supposed to be there.”

Jim watched them twinkle across the screen. “They’re kind of pretty, though.”

Scotty sighed. “Gonna have to reboot the whole thing.” He reached over and pulled a lever. “What’s up, Captain?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to see what you were doing.” Jim smiled. “I don’t want to bother you, though. I can see you’re in the middle of something.”

Scotty nodded. “Heard you got whacked in the head earlier. You all right?”

“Better. Still a bit sore.” He squeezed Scotty’s shoulder and left engineering.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to go back to his lonely quarters, but he wasn’t sure he should seek out Spock just yet either, so he reluctantly returned to his cabin.

When he walked into the room, he was surprised to see Spock seated behind his desk at the terminal. Sure, since they started their couplehood—there was that word again—Spock had spent every night in Jim’s quarters, but still…it was a surprise.

Jim just stared.

“Jim.”

“Spock.”

“Where have you been?”

“Uh. With Bones. And then with Scotty.”

Spock’s expression was, of course, unreadable. “Dr. McCoy did tell you to rest.”

“I know. I just…I was restless after our fight and feeling bad and I couldn’t stay here any longer.”

Spock rose and came around the desk to where Jim stood. He put his fingers to Jim’s temples. “Your pain is great.”

Jim shook his head. “Not really.”

“There is no need to keep it from me,” Spock said quietly. “You have had an unpleasant day.”

Jim swallowed. “Yeah. Spock, I’m sorry.”

“There is no need for you to apologize. I should have had more patience with you.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Spock shook his head. “Come, you must rest. Are you hungry?”

“A little.”

“The replicators have been fixed. Sit down and I will get your dinner and some tea.”

“I’d prefer coffee.”

Spock arched a brow. “You are getting tea.”

Jim smiled. “Okay. But you really don’t have to take care of me.”

“You are mistaken. I do.”

“You do?”

Spock nodded and kissed Jim’s forehead. “You are my t’hy’la.”

As if that explained it all.  Spock had used that word before without telling Jim what it meant. “You’ll have to explain that word to me one day.”

“I will,” Spock assured him. “Sit.” 

Jim sat on the couch while Spock turned to the replicator. The day had turned out better than he had thought after all. Perhaps he could do relationships. If it was with Spock. 


	40. McCoy's Worst Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are presumed dead

McCoy had a duty to perform but that didn’t mean he had to like it. No, in fact, he couldn’t imagine anything he wanted to do less than this particular duty. He had an ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away. Wasn’t sure it would ever go away.

“Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer’s log, Stardate 2341.2.” McCoy paused. Swallowed the lump. Pinched his nose to stop the tears, at least temporarily. “After the Shuttlecraft, Gamma 3, crashed and exploded on the planet, Janys VI, Captain James-James T. Kirk and first officer, Commander Spock, are presumed dead. A scan for life forms revealed no survivors. Rescue operations found wreckage too complete to find any remains.”

How everything could have gone so wrong, McCoy didn’t know. He’d had breakfast with his two best friends that very morning.  An ordinary day, an ordinary mission.

Jim had been pretty cheerful and Spock had been…Spock.

“What’s that you’re eating?” McCoy asked as Jim joined him at the table. Spock was close behind with tea and a bowl of fruit. Lately Jim and Spock were always together. Joined at the hip, McCoy would say.

“Oatmeal,” Jim declared with an easy grin. “I figured you’d approve.”

“I do.” He narrowed his eyes at them. “You two are awful chummy.”

“Meaning?” Jim asked, sipping from his coffee.

McCoy shrugged. “I left you last night, you were together. I see you first thing this morning, you’re together. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think—” He closed his mouth, staring at them as Spock arched a brow.

Jim smiled. “You’d think?”

He cleared his throat. “Uh, never mind.”

“A wise choice, doctor.”

And now? Damn it, he’d give anything to hear Spock call him “doctor” in that just above disdainful voice. He’d give anything to hear Jim’s laugh. This was so fucking unfair. He didn’t want to serve with anyone but them.

McCoy reached for his stash of bourbon. He needed to get drunk to forget this was the worse damn day of his life.

****

“Scott to Dr. McCoy.”

McCoy lifted his head from his desk. Next to him was the still largely untouched glass of bourbon he’d poured. “McCoy here.”

“Doctor—we-we just got word.” Scotty’s voice broke.

Ah, hell what now.

“Scotty, what is it?”

“It’s Captain Kirk.”

His heart stopped. “Did they find his remains?” Tears pricked at his eyes.

“No! Doctor, he’s alive.”

McCoy got up from his seat so fast his chair fell over. “What? Jim? Where?”

“He just contacted us. We’re beaming him and Mr. Spock up. Meet them in the transporter room.”

He was already running for the transporter. His heart was practically in his mouth. He had no idea what condition they were in. But they were alive. “M’Benga to the transporter room.”

Scotty was behind the controls himself when McCoy entered the transporter room. He shook his head. “Don’t know the details. Something about being held prisoner. They are injured. Sulu went down to get them.”

Dr. M’Benga rushed through the doors, followed quickly by medics with gurneys.

“Sulu to Enterprise. Beam us up.”

Scotty pulled the lever and Sulu, Jim, and Spock appeared on the pads. Sulu and Jim were both bracing Spock. Jim had a large bleeding gash across his forehead and blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. Spock was unconscious.

“What the hell happened?” McCoy asked, moving forward. He was elated. Jim was alive. And looked like he would be just fine. But Spock—

“The shuttlecraft was tampered with. Just before the crash, Spock and I were beamed to some prison,” Jim explained. “We were both beaten, tortured. They were gonna kill me, but Spock protected me.” He stopped, took a deep breath, and then continued, “We escaped, but then Spock collapsed. Bones, please.”

McCoy knew exactly what his best friend was asking. They got Spock on a gurney and off to medbay. Jim followed them, anxiously waiting on the side.

“What about you, Jim? I need to check your injuries,” McCoy said as he and M’Benga began to check Spock over.

“Not now, Bones. I’m okay. Just-Just make sure Spock is okay.”

McCoy grimaced but concentrated on examining Spock.

“He’s in the Vulcan healing trance,” M’Benga declared a few minutes later.  “He should be all right when he comes out of it.”

“Great,” McCoy said, feeling a great deal of relief. He’d gone from thinking his best friends were dead to having them both alive. He turned to Jim, with a smile. “Now let’s see how you are.”

“Bones, don’t worry.” Jim smiled, but it was very strained. “I got hit in the head and…and my stomach…it really hurts, but I’ll be—”

McCoy watched Jim sink to the floor. “Jim! Nurse, M’Benga!”

****

McCoy was running his tricorder over Spock when suddenly Spock’s hand grabbed his wrist. “Spock?”

Spock blinked. “Doctor.”

“How do you feel?”

“I am well. The captain?”

McCoy grimaced. “Spock.”

“Where  is the captain?” Spock sat up.

“You should rest.”

“I am fine. I wish to know where the captain is.”

McCoy sighed. “Let go of my wrist. He’s in the bed next to you.”

Spock glanced toward the other bed and saw Jim laying there unconscious. McCoy watched Spock’s expression change to one of anguish. “Is he—”

“It was touch and go. Internal bleeding. He wouldn’t let us treat him until we knew you were going to be all right. We caught it just in time, Spock. He’s going to be fine.”

Spock stood up and McCoy instantly tried to push him back down onto the biobed but Spock was far too strong and determined. “As I have stated twice before, I am fine. Allow me to see the captain.”

With a sigh, he relented and watched as Spock made it to Jim’s biobed. Spock reached for Jim’s hand, held it in his.

Jim opened his eyes. “Spock?”

“Yes, Ashayam.”

“You’re all right?”

Spock brought Jim’s hand to his lips and as McCoy watched, a little startled, he kissed Jim’s fingers. “Now that you are, yes.”

Jim smiled. “Tired.”

“Rest, my Jim.” And then Spock leaned down to place a brief kiss on Jim’s lips. He released Jim’s hand and then turned back to McCoy with an arched brow. “Doctor?”

McCoy shook his head. “Nothing, Spock.” He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. “I’m really glad-I’m really glad you’re both here.”

“As are we, doctor. Thank you.” 


	41. Mystery Gift

Jim came out of the bathroom after his shower, towel wrapped around his waist, and froze.

On his bed was a red and green plaid wrapped present. The paper was shiny and there was satiny green ribbon tied neatly around it.

“Computer, who accessed my quarters?”

“Yeoman Janice Rand.”

Jim frowned and approached the present. There was no tag. Had Rand left it for him from herself? There’d been rumors she had a crush on him but Jim hadn’t really believed them.

Of course she could have been instructed by someone else to leave the present. Maybe Bones. He’d been talking about what to get Jim for Christmas for weeks.

But the package was neatly wrapped, which didn’t scream Bones, that was for sure. Though his best friend could have gotten someone else to wrap it for him.

It could be from Carol Marcus. They’d had dinner two nights ago. But it didn’t seem like the type of thing Carol would do. If she had a present for him, Jim was pretty sure she’d bring it herself.

Jim picked it up and shook it lightly. It didn’t make any noise. He set it back on the bed, and got dressed in his uniform since he was due on the bridge.

He’d deal with opening the gift later.

A short time later he hurried into the turbolift just as the doors were closing. His first officer was the lone occupant of the lift.

“Hey, Spock. Good morning.”

“Captain.”

“I almost didn’t make it on time,” Jim told him.

“Overslept?”

“No. There was a present on my bed.” He glanced at Spock who stared straight ahead. “You know, a Christmas present.”

“Did you open it?”

“No, not yet. I couldn’t figure out who it was from.” And then he noticed Spock’s cheeks were just a touch greener than usual. “You? The present is from you?”

Spock shifted. “Yes, Captain. Is it not an appropriate occasion to present gifts?”

Jim stopped the lift. “Yeah, yeah it is. You got me a present?”

Spock nodded. “I presented a gift to Nyota and you. Nyota as my friend.”

Jim swallowed, stared at Spock, but the Vulcan was still not looking at him. “And me?”

“As…as my intended.” Spock was really blushing now.

Jim inhaled.

“If I have miscalculated—”

“You talk too much.” Jim fisted the collar of Spock’s blue uniform shirt and pulled his first officer close, covering Spock’s lips with his own.

When they came up for air they were both flushed and breathing heavily.

“Then I have not miscalculated,” Spock said softly.

“Oh, hell no, you haven’t. But I don’t have anything for you.”

“All I want is you.”

Jim kissed him again for that.

There was a whiny whistle then.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

Jim ignored it and wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck.

The whistle whined again.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

Jim sighed. “Yes, Uhura?”

“Is the turbolift malfunctioning again, Captain?”

Jim pulled Spock’s head down to kiss him again.

“Captain?”

“Yeah, it is, Lieutenant. I think Spock and I are going to be stuck here for a while.”

There was a pause then.

“Understood, Captain. Uhura out.”

Jim smiled. “Wise woman.”

“Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“You talk too much.” And Spock kissed him.


	42. Christmas in Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My challlenge this week was an unexpected present reviving a holiday tradition...and replicated fruitcake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the same Kirk, Spock and Bones from The Terrible Day That Wasn't

Jim plopped down in front of Bones in the mess room. Bones was staring at some weird log shaped thing in front of him. A fork stuck out of the top of it.

“What the hell is that?” Jim demanded. He leaned forward to smell it and wrinkled his nose at the burned rubber smell. “Is that food?”

“Well, now, that depends, Jim,” Bones said. “It’s fruitcake. Technically it is food. I suppose.”

“Fruitcake? As in Christmas Fruitcake?”

It was just a couple of days before Christmas. In the mess and rec rooms decorations had been set up for the holidays, there were several different kinds of holidays going on, and Jim had agreed to let everyone put up whatever they wanted as long as they were confined to those two rooms.

“Yep.”

“How did we get that?”

“It’s replicated.”

Jim choked on the sip of coffee he had just unfortunately taken. Spock, who had just come up to their table, thumped him hard on the back. He glared at his Vulcan. “Thanks. I think.”

“You replicated ancient Christmas Fruitcake, doctor?”

“I didn’t,” Bones replied. “Scotty did. I don’t think it came out quite right. People didn’t actually eat this crap on old Earth, did they?”

Spock attempted to remove the fork from the fruitcake but it didn’t move. He arched a brow. “Most unusual.”

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Are you experiencing a headache?” Spock asked. It seemed like a casual question, but Jim knew it was a demand. Spock was one demanding, dominant partner in their couplehood, that was for sure.

“I have been ever since they began playing those Christmas carols.”

Bones snorted. “You were the one who said they could.”

“If it causes you discomfort, I will withdraw the approval.”

Jim shook his head. “I can’t do that to them. It’s fine.”

Spock looked like he wanted to argue, but he did not say anything further.

Jim frowned at his coffee. “Is this egg nog flavored?”

“Oh yeah, Scotty, programmed holiday themed flavored coffees into the replicators also,” Bones told him. “Guess he’s really in the spirit.”

“Hey, speaking of, did the tree you sent arrive?”

Bones smiled. “It sure did. They were pretty excited. The ex, too.”

“Tree, doctor?” Spock asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Bones sent his daughter a Christmas tree for Christmas.”

“Ah.” Spock nodded as though he knew all about them. Well, they did have fake ones set up in the mess and rec rooms.

“Well, I gotta get going,” Bones said, rising.

“Doctor, your fruitcake?”

“I don’t want it. You can keep it, Spock. Maybe do an experiment on it or something.”

Spock turned his immediate attention to Jim. “Ever since your concussion you have had too many headaches.”

“This is just a teensy one.”

“Nevertheless I insist you have it checked by Dr. McCoy.”

“You insist?”

Spock nodded. “As I have told you, you are my t’hy’la, therefore I do insist.”

“What is that anyway?” Jim asked, frustrated. “You still haven’t told me and I can’t find anything about it. I even asked Uhura and she just bugged her eyes out at me.”

“You are pouting.”

“I just want to know when you are going to tell me. Why is it a big secret?”

“It is not and I will tell you very soon. When do you plan to give Dr. McCoy’s gift to him?”

“Tomorrow night at the Christmas Eve party. Can’t believe I agreed to that.”

“I did advise against it,” Spock reminded him.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go to the bridge.” Jim rose from his seat and headed to the doors with Spock on his heels. But when he reached the doors, he turned to see Spock had gone back for the fruitcake. “You’re keeping that?”

“For the experiment.”

Jim rolled his eyes.

****

“Mm.” Jim kissed Spock again, refusing to remove his arms from around Spock’s neck. “Can’t we go back to bed?”

“We are expected at the Christmas party,” Spock reminded him. “We are already late because you insisted on seducing me.”

“You weren’t complaining when you were growling my name and coming in my ass.” Jim grinned.

“Captain,” Spock said, clearly scandalized. He removed Jim’s arms from around his neck. “It is time to depart.”

“Fine grumpy.” He grabbed Bones’ gift, smiling happily at it. Bones was going to love it.

Spock had suggested they wear their dress uniforms and Jim had refused, but he did wear the newer crisscrossed uniform shirt he had recently acquired. It had a slight green color to it instead of the gold.

Bones stood in the rec room by the Christmas tree looking almost painfully sad.

“You want to come with me?” Jim asked Spock.

“Negative, I have a small gift to present to Nyota. I believe the doctor would prefer not to be embarrassed in front of me.”

Jim nodded. “You may be right. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

“Yes, Jim.”

He made his way over to Bones. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Jim. Where’s your shadow?”

“He wanted to give a gift to his ex.”

Bones snorted. “What he give you?”

Jim shrugged. “Nothing. We aren’t exchanging gifts.”

“What’s that in your hand?”

“Your present.” Jim grinned and handed it to Bones. 

Bones eyed the bright red shiny paper. “What is it?”

“Well, I got in touch with your brother.”

“Yeah?”

“And he told me about how when you were small boys you used to make these cards for your folks for Christmas. With glitter and ribbons and foiled paper.” Jim grinned. “God you were a sweetheart even then, weren’t you?”

“Be quiet,” Bones grumbled. “So? Why are you bringing up ancient history?”

“Open it.”

Bones eyed Jim suspiciously, but he carefully tore the red paper off the flattish present. His friend’s hands shook as he stared down at the silver, gold and green glittery masterpiece. He opened it up and gasped a little. Jim watched as his grumpy pain in the ass friend’s eyes welled with tears.

“This is from Joanne,” he whispered.

“Yeah. I thought maybe she’d want to follow her dad’s tradition for Christmas cards,” Jim told him. “And she did. Scotty helped me find a way to get it onto the ship and here it is.”

“Jim…” Bones choked up.

Jim smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “I know.”

Bones nodded and gave him a one armed hug as he clutched the card in the hand of the other one.

Jim hugged him back and then released him. “Merry Christmas.”

Bones could only nod.

“I’ve got a Vulcan to catch.”

Jim found Spock standing by himself under a bit of mistletoe. Jim wasn’t surprised. He couldn’t think of anyone brave enough to approach Spock for a mistletoe kiss. Except Nyota, he supposed. But she seemed to respect her boundaries now with Spock given his new relationship with Jim.

“Waiting for me?” he asked as he reached Spock.

“Always.”

Jim kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth. “Do you know where you’re standing?”

“Of course.” Spock put his hand on Jim’s face.

Jim smiled questioningly. “What?”

“I wish to show you what t’hy’la is.”

Jim licked his lips. “Oh.”

Spock kissed him as his long fingers formed over Jim’s psi-points. It was no brief kiss, it went on forever, and Jim was lost in Spock’s mind. Distantly he heard other voices in the room, people singing, laughing, but his mind, his lips, were only with Spock.

Spock’s moved off Jim’s lips just enough so Jim could speak.

Jim stared at him in a daze. “T’hy’la.”

Spock smiled ever so slightly. “Yes.” And then they were kissing again, the only ones in the room.   


	43. The Misplaced Gift Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Challenge this week was a misplaced gift, good intentions gone bad, and a visit with the Andorian Ambassador

“Keptin.”

“Hmm?”

“Vhat are you doing, sir?”

Jim bent over and looked under his bed. “Looking for something.”

“Perhaps I could assist you?”

“No. I know I put it here somewhere.”

“If you sign this report, Keptin, I can leave you to your business,” Chekov said standing just inside his quarters.

“What is it again?” Jim asked, completely distracted.

“The preliminary report regarding ze wisit vith the Andorian Ambassador, Keptin.”

“Oh right.” Jim took the PADD from the ensign.

“Vhat is it you are looking for?”

“A present I got for Spock.” His gaze raked over the report.

“You got Meester Spock a present?”

“Uh-huh.”

“For Christmas?”

Jim frowned at the line he’d just read twice. “Yeah. Sort of.”

“But Christmas vas yesterday.”

“I misplaced it. Which is why I’m looking for it.” He signed the report and handed the PADD back to Chekov. “That will be all, Ensign.”

“Aye, sir.”

After Chekov’s departure, Jim flopped down in his chair in frustration. He buzzed Bones.

“Yeah, Jim?”

“If you were some weird Vulcan lute, where would you be?”

“You been drinking before you meet with the Andorian Ambassador, Jim?”

“Funny. No. Remember when we were on shore leave on Delta Ridley 4 and they had that shop that sold Vulcan artifacts?”

“Oh, right. You bought a lute for the old Spock.”

“Yeah and promptly lost the damn thing. Fuck. Sarek’s going to be at the same meeting at the space station and I thought I could give it to him to give it to Spock on New Vulcan.” Jim sighed. “You wouldn’t want to come help me find it would you?”

“Oh yeah, because I have nothing better to do than to help you find some lost shit.”

Jim grinned. “I know I could count on you, Bones. See you in a few. Kirk out.”

****

“So, did you get any Christmas presents?” Nyota asked Spock as they sat at the mess table with Ensign Chekov. It had started out as just himself and Nyota but then seeing the crowded mess room the ensign had asked to join them at their table.

“The book that you presented to me.”

“That’s it?” she asked with a frown.

“The crew is aware I do not participate in Terran holidays as a rule.”

“Hm. Still. What about Jim?”

“Jim did not present me with a gift. Why would he?”

Chekov moved restlessly beside him.

“Well, I didn’t mean necessarily a gift. I thought maybe you two spent time together yesterday. You know playing chess or whatever you two do as friends.”

Actually Spock had not seen the captain on Christmas at all. Jim was rather strange about Christmas. He had declared he intended to spend the day isolated in his quarters doing reports and preparing for the meetings he had on the space station, which was where Jim presently was. Spock had assumed Jim wanted to be alone and had left him to it.

“I did not see the captain yesterday.”

“He spent it with Leonard?”

Spock shook his head. “Negative. The doctor spent the holiday with Dr. Marcus.”

Nyota frowned. “So, wait. He spent the day alone?”

“He expressed a wish to do so.”

“Spock!”

“I do not understand.”

She shook her head and sipped her tea.

Chekov cleared his throat. “I do not vish to interrupt, but ze keptin does have a gift for Meester Spock.”

“He does?” Nyota asked, turning her gaze to Chekov.

Chekov nodded. “But he misplaced it. He vas looking for it this morning before he beamed down to the space station.” Chekov pushed his chair back. “I must report to bridge.”

“Okay, see you, Chekov,” Nyota said.

“Ensign.”

“Oh, my God, Spock. Jim has a present for you. I wonder if his misplacing it is why he wanted to be alone,” she said, shaking her head. “You should have spent time with him.”

“I did not expect him to present me with a gift,” Spock admitted. “We are friends but we never spoke of exchanging presents.”

“Hm. Maybe it’s his way of trying to tell you that he wants to be more than friends with you.”

Spock shook his head. “I do not think so.”

“Spock, you know I think he returns your feelings, which is why I can’t believe you didn’t spend the day with him yesterday when you could have. You’re both so thickheaded and neither of you want to make the first move. This was probably his way of finally trying to tell you.”

Spock remained skeptical, but he allowed himself to feel a tiny bit of hope. “But I do not have a gift for him.”

“We can think of something.”

****

Jim was fucking exhausted, which actually now that he thought of it, made him giggle a little. Okay he was way too tired if he was giggling. But yeah part of the reason he was tired—and sore actually—was because of fucking. Who knew Andorian males could be so…persistent.

He’d been surprised when the Andorian Ambassador had made a blatant pass at him and even more surprised when he’d outright propositioned Jim. But Jim’s Christmas had been shitty as hell and he wasn’t one to pass up the opportunity to get royally fucked.

The other good thing about the meetings was that he’d found the lute he’d bought for the older Spock and passed it on to Sarek to take it with him when he returned to New Vulcan. And the negotiations had gone well. Jim pretty much figured though that the Andorian Ambassador had been so cooperative because he’d gotten to fuck Jim in a locked conference room.

Jim opened the door to his quarters and stepped inside. He desperately needed a shower to rid his own nostrils of the smell of sex and he needed several hours of sleep. It was then that he noticed the square box on his desk wrapped in sparkly red paper with a tied green ribbon.

Biting his lip, Jim picked up the box. There was a little green card attached.

_I apologize for not presenting this to you previously. I had been unaware we were exchanging gifts. I admit I am not up on the significance of Terran holidays nor the nuances of them. I hope that you will find this gift pleasant and in the spirit of the season. Spock._

Exchanging presents? What? Jim shook his head and opened the box. Inside was a personal teapot and cup with tiny green leaves and little red berries. It looked kind of old and had a tiny chip on the lip of the cup.

Someone buzzed his door.

“Come in.”

Spock stepped inside, his hands clenched behind his back. His nostrils flared almost immediately and he stared rather in dismay at Jim. Jim was certain Spock had guessed exactly what Jim had been up to on the space station. And for some reason Jim’s gut twisted.

Jim swallowed. “This?”

Spock’s gaze focused on the teapot and cup. “It was my mother’s. She gave it to me when I first left Vulcan. Since you have recently begun to drink tea with me I thought it an appropriate gift to present you.”

Jim couldn’t even breathe. Spock had given him something he’d received from his mother? But…why? Jim didn’t even have a gift for him. And…and…exchange?

“I-I don’t have anything for you,” he whispered, wishing to God that was not true.

“You were not able to locate the misplaced gift?”

Jim frowned. “What? Oh. Yeah. I did. It was a lute. The other you told me before he used to play one. I gave it to your father actually to bring to your counterpart for me.”

“I…see.”

And Jim didn’t know how he knew because Spock’s expression did not change, but he knew Spock was horribly, terribly disappointed and hurt. Perhaps it was how the light in his eyes had dulled altogether or the way he had backed up at Jim’s explanation. Or his body language, as he’d gone unbelievably stiff and proper as though if you tried to bend him he would break. A combination of all these things.

“I will cease to disturb you now, Captain. I am sure you wish to recover.”

Jim opened his mouth to say…something…but the words wouldn’t come and Spock was gone.

Somehow Spock had believed Jim had a present for him and had given him this precious gift in exchange. It was very significant.

****

It took him two days before he got up the nerve to approach Uhura and ask her. Spock had avoided Jim in those two days like Jim had the plague. He had even rearranged schedules so they would not be on the bridge at the same time. It was horrible. Jim was dying.

“Can I talk to you?” he asked when she opened the door of her quarters. It occurred to him belatedly that for all he knew Spock might be in there with her. They were no longer romantic partners, but they were still very close.

But she stepped aside to let him in, her arms folded across her chest.

Jim was going to get straight to the point. “Why did Spock believe I had a present for him?”

Uhura sighed. “Chekov told us.”

“What?” Jim frowned. “He told Spock I had a gift for him?”

“Yes and that you had misplaced it.”

 _Oh. Fuck_.

“That was for—that was for…”

“I know. Spock told me.” She shook her head. “He told me everything. Including that you reeked of sex.”

“Oh. My. God.” Jim closed his eyes. “This is fucking terrible.”

“Believe me, I know.” She sighed again. “I’m the one who encouraged him to give you something. I feel like an idiot. It hurt him, Captain. Badly.”

“But I didn’t mean to.”

“It doesn’t matter. This is hard for him. He doesn’t do emotions well. I know that, too. He’s never been as into anyone like he is into you.”

“I didn’t know,” Jim said softly. “I hoped, yeah. But every time I tried to get him to show it, he wouldn’t. I thought…maybe I was wrong.”

“Well, you weren’t wrong, Captain. So I suggest you go and fix this.”

Jim nodded, swallowed the lump in his throat. His throat fucking hurt, but not as much as his aching chest. He turned and left her quarters.

****

Spock was about to meditate when there was a very soft tap on his door. He was tempted to ignore it. But then he opened the door.

Jim rushed in. “Spock!”

“Captain?”

Jim dropped to his knees in front of Spock to Spock’s utter shock. “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m so sorry. God. Spock. Please. I know I’m the biggest idiot on the Enterprise. Hell, in the solar system. The universe.”

“Jim—”

“But I love you so fucking much. I can’t even remember not loving you. Yeah, that’s not true. I remember and my life was so empty. I think part of me has loved you since you were so snooty in that hearing telling me I didn’t understand the point of your damn test. I don’t know, Spock. But I want you so much I’m haunted by you. I love you. Desperately. And I should have told you before. I should have told you I wanted you to spend Christmas with me but I was too stubborn. I wanted you to figure it out and you didn’t.”

Spock’s head was buzzing Jim was talking so fast and so frantically. But he did register Jim telling him he loved him.

“Captain. Jim. Get up off the floor.”

Jim shook his head. “Not until you tell me you forgive me. I should have given you a present. I didn’t even think.”

Spock tugged him to his feet. “I do not want material things from you. I have never cared for gifts. Not that kind, anyway.” He framed Jim’s face in his hands.

“Then you forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive you for.”

“Not even…not even the Andorian Ambassador.”

Spock narrowed his eyes. “Do not remind me.”

“Sorry, I—”

Spock shut him up by kissing him. For a long time.

When they came up for air, Spock whispered, “I share your affection.”

Jim smiled. “I know. You wouldn’t have given me that teapot from your mother otherwise.”

“I would not,” Spock agreed. “And now, it is time to punish you.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “P-Punish me?”

“I think several whacks on your naked bottom should be sufficient.”

“Oh. God.”

“You are not supposed to enjoy your punishment.”

Jim licked his lips, his eyes dilated. “Right. No, no, Spock. Please don’t.  _Please_.”

Spock growled and lifted Jim up into his arms.


	44. How to Spend New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the same Kirk and Spock from Misplaced Gifts

Spock had never had trouble rising from bed in the morning. In fact, he often rose before the appointed time to wake for the day. This had been his pattern for most of his life.

Therefore he had been unprepared for that to all change when he became engaged in a romantic relationship with James Tiberius Kirk. He found himself no longer content to leave the bed. It was not that Jim tried to knowingly coax him into lingering there, but rather being next to Jim, feeling his warm, bare skin beside him, caused Spock to yearn to stay where he had never cared before.

He rose up onto his elbow and gazed down at the still sleeping blond man next to him. Spock wished to trace the few freckles on his face, and the even more freckles across his shoulders and arms. He refrained from doing so, of course. He did not wish to wake Jim before it was necessary. Jim never slept well, Spock was aware, although since they had begun to spend their nights together Jim did sleep better.

Of course this was only the third morning Spock had awakened with Jim, so perhaps he was being premature not only in his assessment of Jim sleeping better but also his increasing desire to remain in bed with Jim. He needed many more nights and mornings to decipher the accuracy of both things.

Spock watched, fascinated—how could he not be—as Jim’s lashes fluttered lightly, his eyelids squeezed shut, and then the lashes and lids lifted altogether revealing the hidden stunning blue beneath them. Spock’s heart gave a little leap.

“Good morning, Captain.”

Jim’s lips curved slightly. It was one of Spock’s favorite smiles. A not quite smile that he’d reserved for Spock. “Hey.”

“You had another fifteen minutes to sleep if you desired,” Spock told him.

“Good. That means I don’t have to rush to get up.” Jim yawned. “I’d see if we could get up to something naughty but I’m still pretty sore from last night.” He yawned again.

“And clearly tired.”

“You wore me out.”

Spock could not deny he was rather enthusiastic in his coupling with Jim. Sexual relations had always been pleasant enough before Jim. They were quite extraordinary now and Spock found it difficult to not indulge in his new found insatiability. But he would do so for Jim. He did not wish to make Jim too exhausted.

Jim’s eyes were drifting closed and Spock gently grazed Jim’s bottom lip with the tip of his thumb.

“What are your plans for tonight?” Spock asked even as Jim’s tongue darted out to flick against the pad of Spock’s thumb. A shiver of arousal went up Spock’s spine. He knew very well how he wished to spend the evening. With Jim writhing beneath him. Perhaps a few swats on Jim’s naked bottom, since both of them appreciated that so much.

“Well, it’s New Year’s Eve.”

“The night when humans engage in drinking and revelry to acknowledge they have lived through another year and are welcoming in the new one.”

Jim grinned, his eyes opening again. “That’s right.”

“You wish to engage in such practices?” Spock did not care for the sound of it, but if that was what Jim desired, Spock would do it.

“No,” Jim said. “I think I’ll spend the night in my quarters alone. Doing reports.” His gaze pierced into Spock and he licked his lips.

Spock allowed his own lips to curve upward. “A most efficient plan. I believe that I will join you for some reports in your quarters as well.”

Jim smiled, a very beautiful one that lit up his blue eyes. “That sounds like an amazing New Year’s Eve.”

Spock definitely agreed with that. He’d missed Jim wanting to spend Christmas with him by not understanding Jim’s way too subtle hints. He would not make that mistake again. And anyway, Spock intended to spend every night with Jim for the rest of their lives, if he could help it.

“Want to share a shower?” Jim asked, suddenly fully awake and waggling his eyebrows.

“Indeed.” The new year to come would be a very promising one.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year


	45. The Hull Breach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge: A Hangover, a Hull Breach, and a Hug

“Maybe you should go easy on that, Jim.”

Jim rolled his eyes at Bones and reached for the bottle of Scotch. “You want another, Scotty?”

“Aye, Captain.”

He poured them each another glass, then he looked toward Henry Lewis, Lt. Commander. Henry was getting married the next day to the very lovely Lieutenant Georgia Cranston. Jim was going to perform the ceremony.

“You want some more, Henry?”

Henry grinned. “I shouldn’t. But hell, this is my last night as a single man!”

“It sure is,” Jim agreed. He poured more into Henry’s glass.

“Did you have party before you got married, Keptin?” Chekov asked. His eyes were a little glazed over.

“No. It was sort of sudden.”

“I’ll say,” Bones said with a snort. “The chieftain of Ceti Trialus III announced you were married after you drank out of the same cup.”

Jim smiled. “Well there was that. But we formalized it later.”

“Still you both looked like you were gonna shit bricks that night,” Bones crowed. “I think I laughed for three days straight.”

“Oh stuff it, Bones.” Jim took a large swallow of the Scotch.

“Speaking of the ball and chain…Spock’s here,” Bones muttered.

Jim glanced toward the door of the rec room and sure enough Spock was headed his way.

“Hey, you off shift?” Jim asked, pretty sure he wasn’t slurring his words.

“You are intoxicated.”

Jim blinked in surprise. “How can you tell?”

“You are slurring your words.”

“Oh.” Jim huffed. “Want a drink?”

“Negative. It is time for you to retire to our quarters.”

Jim opened his mouth to argue but then the room spun a little and he thought maybe Spock had split into two like he had on that planet…Alpha 177.

“No, I have not. And why are you thinking of Alpha 177?”

Bones chuckled next to Jim. “Spock, it’s definitely time to take the princess out of here. He’s probably had a bottle of scotch all to himself.”

Jim glared at him. “Traitor. You aren’t supposed to tell on me.”

“He shares your mind, Jim, I think he could figure it out.”

“That is not entirely accurate, doctor. Nevertheless, come, Jim.”

Jim stumbled to his feet and Spock grabbed his arm. Jim smiled at him and then turned to Henry. “I’ll see you tomorrow for the ceremony.”

“Yes, Captain.” Henry finished his drink. “I should be going to bed myself.”

“Does that mean party is over?” Chekov asked, mournfully.

“’Fraid so,” Bones said.

Jim didn’t hear what else was said because Spock had already led him away and to the exit of the rec room. Jim yawned heavily and loudly as they made their way to the turbolift.

“You finished your speriment?” Jim asked, leaning against Spock.

“Experiment,” Spock corrected. “Yes. The results were as expected.”

“Yeah? That’s good. Isn’t it?”

“It is satisfactory.”

The turbolift doors opened and Spock assisted Jim through the open doors and down the corridor toward their quarters.

When he got them inside, he gently laid Jim down on the bed and removed his clothing while Jim merely watched him.

“I don’t think I’m capable of doing it,” Jim mumbled.

“Doing what?”

Jim licked his lips. “ _It_.”

Spock nodded. “You refer to copulation.”

“Yes. And hell if you’re gonna talk all sexy maybe I can get capable.”

“Negative, you are going to sleep.”

Jim sighed. “I’m kinda too drunk to argue with you.” He bit his lip. “You mad?”

“Vulcans do not get mad.”

Jim smiled a little. “Are you displeased then?”

“I do not mind you indulging occasionally with your friends. And it was for a celebratory occasion.”

“You’re the best ever.”

Spock gazed down at him with an arched brow. “Indeed.”

“You coming to bed?”

“I wish to finish the report on the experiment so I will come when I am finished. Go to sleep, Jim.”

“’Kay.” He yawned again and just like that he was asleep.

****

Jim woke up with a bitch of a headache. It was pounding so hard he knew before he did anything else he’d be headed to sickbay for one of Bones’ hangover cures.

Spock was already gone, not surprising, since his husband was an early riser even when they didn’t have duty. Jim took a shower and pulled on his uniform, still wincing at the overall nastiness of his life at the moment, when as he reached the door of his quarters, an alarm went off.

“Red alert, red alert, everyone to your battle stations.”

“Captain Kirk, please report to the bridge.” Spock’s voice.

Jim hurried to the bridge, already asking as he stepped off the turbolift, “Status?”

“Romulans, Captain,” Spock told him, vacating the captain’s chair. “Shields have been raised.”

“Romulans? What the hell are they doing out here?”

“Captain,” Sulu said. “They’re firing.”

“Evasive action.”

The ship rocked to the left side, sending the crew flying. Jim righted himself.

“Arm phasers, Mr. Sulu.”

“Arming, sir. Shields at eighty percent.”

“What are the Romulans doing? Uhura, see if you can reach them.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Sir, they’re firing again.”

The ship got hit again, hard and jarring.

“Captain,” Uhura said. “Hull breach on deck seven.”

“Damn it. Sulu, fire phasers.”

“Aye, Captain.”

The Enterprise fired, the Romulan ship taking a direct hit.

“Status of the Romulan ship.”

“Their shields are at fifty percent,” Spock spoke from his station. “Ours are at sixty.”

“Fire again, Mr. Sulu.”

“Firing.”

Jim watched as the ship got hit again.

“Their shields are at forty percent,” Spock said.

“Captain,” Sulu said, turning around. “They’re fleeing.”

Jim nodded. “Report on the hull breach of deck seven, Lieutenant.”

“Seventeen causalities, Captain,” Uhura said. She paused, then got up to come to his chair. Her eyes were very sad and wet. She put her hand on his arm. “One of them was Lieutenant Commander Henry Lewis.”

Jim’s heart sank and he gripped his chair. “Fuck. He-he was getting married today.”

She nodded, squeezed his arm. “Yes.”

He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them, and nodded. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

****

Spock waited in their quarters for Jim. He knew Jim had gone to speak with Lieutenant Georgia Cranston about the death of her fiancé, Lieutenant Commander Henry Lewis. Spock had offered to go with him, but Jim had insisted he would do it alone.

He knew Jim was very upset. Though Jim had tried desperately to hide it from him, Spock had seen Jim crying. Henry Lewis had been a good friend. His husband and bondmate had been looking forward to marrying Lewis and Cranston for weeks.

Spock did not do well with human grief. He felt grief, of course. Over the death of his mother. Over the death of Jim. But he felt uncomfortable and awkward around such strong emotions of others. Even Jim’s. He was more comfortable and closer to Jim than any other being in the universe but even with Jim, Spock was sometimes unsure what to do.

So he waited. He’d rescheduled all his duties so he could be there for Jim.

The door of their quarters released and slid open. Jim stepped inside, eyes red rimmed and bloodshot.

“God, that was…I can’t even describe it,” Jim said, as the door slid closed behind him. “It’s never easy, but Jesus.”

“He was your friend,” Spock said quietly. “And was supposed to marry today.”

“Yeah. God. Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.”

Jim just stood there, staring straight ahead. He looked so fragile it made Spock ache. He stepped over to his mate, wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him very close. Jim sighed,hiccuped a little and relaxed against Spock.

“I grieve with thee.”


	46. Return to Delta Vega, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge this week, return trip to Delta Vega, a snow beastie and an inappropriate comment.  
> This is a two parter, the next part will post next Friday, January 16

“Kirk to Enterprise. Kirk to Enterprise. Come in Enterprise.”

Fuck me. I’d been trying to reach the ship for twelve plus hours while freezing my nuts off on Delta Fucking Vega. Again. We’d gotten a distress signal from the Starfleet base camp that Scotty used to be stationed at. Someone new had taken over and they were injured after an unexpected attack by unknown enemies that had fled as quickly as they had arrived.

We’d taken care of business, gotten the injured party up to the ship and all, but then a fucking blizzard of all blizzards happened and it somehow interfered with the last two of us being beamed back on to the Enterprise and then I’d lost all contact.

“I don’t think this could get any worse,” I grumbled, closing my communicator.

“Tell me about it,” Uhura responded from her perch on the chair behind the desk in the base. “I had plans for later.”

Great, that was just what I needed to hear. I sat on the edge of the desk.

“Give me a break, Lieutenant. I don’t want to hear how you had plans to fuck Spock later.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “First of all that’s none of your business and second of all, that’s such an inappropriate comment coming from our commanding officer.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I admitted reluctantly. “Is it getting colder in here?”

“I’m afraid so,” Uhura said wearily. “That attack destroyed most of the equipment.”

“Apparently including the heat.” I sighed. “Where the hell is the ship? I don’t want to freeze down here.”

“I’m sure they’ll rescue us as soon as they can, Captain.”

“I’m hungry too.”

“I know, you told me, Captain.”

“Well, excuse me, but this place has bad memories for me.”

She eyed me. “Like?”

“Well for one thing your boyfriend marooned me down here.”

Uhura rolled her eyes. “He’s not. Just so you know.”

“He’s not what?” I asked with a frown.

“My _boyfriend_.  Spock and I ended things like two months ago.”

“You did? Why the hell didn’t I know that?”

She shrugged. “How should I know? He’s your bestie. Ask him.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. All those chess matches and not a word from Spock that he wasn’t a couple with Uhura anymore. Which of course meant Spock didn’t see me in a romantic light at all. Not that I thought he did, really, but there’d been part of me which had been able to pretend Spock didn’t make any move on me because he was with Uhura and he didn’t want to hurt her. So much for my fantasy.

“Who dumped who?”

“Seriously? You just can’t stop with the inappropriate stuff, can you? And we’re not in high school. We just mutually decided it wasn’t working, though, again, not your business.”

“Well, I’m not totally surprised. You never seemed right for each other.”

Uhura smirked. “And who did seem right for him, Captain? You?”

I felt myself blush and I turned away from her scrutiny. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re just friends.”

“I know. But we all know you’d like it to be more.”

“What? Who knows?”

She laughed. “ _Everyone_. You aren’t very subtle. About anything, actually.”

“Whatever. Anyway, as I was saying, when Spock marooned me here I was almost eaten by not one but two scary ass creatures.”

“Oh?”

“And you can just get that smirk off your face, Lieutenant.”

“What happened to these creatures since you weren’t eaten, Captain?”

“One creature ate the other creature, actually. And the other, well, I was rescued by-by someone from the planet.”

“So now here you are, safe and sound. Don’t worry, Captain, Spock won’t let you freeze.”

“A lot you know. Remember? He put me here in the first place.”

She laughed. “You’re holding quite the grudge.”

There was a sudden sound in the distance. I froze. “Did you hear that?”

She frowned. “Hear what?”

I waited for the sound to be repeated. It was a minute later. “That!”

I stood up and removed my phaser. “Maybe whoever attacked this outpost is back.”

Uhura stood too and pulled out her phaser. “Let’s go see.”

We went down the corridor toward the entrance me and the other Spock had come through what now seemed ages ago. There was a shape at the end of the hall but it was low to the ground.

Uhura suddenly stopped and laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “Is that one of the creatures that tried to eat you, Captain?”

I stared down at what was a little furry snow bunny twitching its little bunny nose at us. “That’s like a bunny.”

“Yes, I know.” She reached down and picked it up. “Oh, it’s so cute.”

“That is not one of the creatures,” I insisted. She put it in my arms and the bunny cuddled up to me. “Uh.”

Next to us we heard the sound of someone beaming to the surface. Spock and two security guards appeared.

“Captain,” Spock exclaimed. “Are you all right?”

I nodded. “Fine, Spock. Just a little cold.”

Uhura sighed. “I’m fine too, Commander.”

“I am gratified to hear it,” Spock replied, then he arched an eyebrow at the bunny in my arms. “Is that a rabbit, Captain?”

I smiled. “Sure seems like it. I have to admit it’s much less terrifying than most of the creatures down here.”

“Can we get out of here now?” Uhura asked.

Spock nodded as I put the bunny back on the ground and shooed it away. “Energize.” 


	47. Return to Delta Vega, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's the second part  
> Challenge: transporter mishap, reappearance of snow beastie, and chess as foreplay

I waited as my particles began to break up and just as they did, the snow bunny hopped back toward me.

A moment later, I was back on the…right where I started in the outpost on Delta Vega. But the snow bunny was nowhere to be seen. And neither was Spock, the guards or Uhura.

_Great! You gotta be kidding me._

Rolling my eyes, I flipped open my communicator intending to say, “Kirk to Enterprise” but what came out was little bunny noises.

_Fuck me!_

I tried again. Same fucking thing. Where the hell was my voice?

The transporter activated again and I reappeared on the Enterprise. Spock was behind the controls. The transporter chief stood nearby looking panicked and Uhura held the bunny stowaway.

“Captain,” Spock said in a calm voice. “We are attempting to rectify the transporter malfunction at present. Mr. Scott is on his way.”

I pointed at the rabbit.

“Mr. Spock. Mr. Spock,” the snow bunny said in my voice. Uhura muffled a giggle.

I glared at her, hoping she got the idea that this was so very not funny.

“It will be all right, Captain,” Spock assured me in the same calm voice.

The transporter door opened and in walked Scotty, followed by Bones.

“What the hell have you done this time, Jim?” Bones demanded.

“Give me a break, Bones,” the rabbit said.

“What the hell?” Bones turned toward the bunny, his eyes wide. “That’s damn freaky!”

“All right, Captain,” Scotty said to me. “I see we’ve got a wee problem.” I glared. “Okay, more than wee. I want you to hold the little bunny and get back on the transporter pad, and we’ll beam you both back to Delta Vega.”

“And that will fix it, Mr. Scott?” Spock asked what I could not.

“Well, hopefully.” Scotty grinned.

I took a step toward Scotty.

With a smile, Uhura handed me the bunny, who managed to thump me in the chest with its back legs. I turned and got on the pad.

Scotty got behind the controls and pushed several buttons. Then he said with a cheeky grin, “Here goes nothing.”

I appeared again on Delta Vega, clutching the snow bunny. I took a deep breath and tried my voice. “Hello?” Thank fucking God.

“Captain?” Spock’s voice.

“Yeah,” I said. “Get me off this ice cube.” I released the bunny and shooed it away. “This planet sucks.”

I waited. Nothing happened.

“Spock?”

“Standby, Captain.”

“What’s happening?”

“Standby.”

I rubbed my arms and started stomping my feet. My frozen breath swirled around me. “It’s really cold down here.”

My only response was static.

“Kirk to Enterprise. Kirk to Enterprise.”

I was seriously fucked. The air inside had gotten colder still and much longer I was going to freeze to death.

Ten minutes passed with no contact from the Enterprise. Then thirty. I wasn’t sure what had happened.

There was a kind of chirp then…I rematerialized on the Enterprise.

I took a deep breath and stepped down, but my legs started to wobble.

Spock was waiting for me as I stumbled into him. He grabbed me, his arms coming around me.

“Jim?” Bones asked. He came over and jabbed me with a hypo in the neck.

“Thanks, Bones,” I replied, letting relief pass through me.

“Spock?”

He still held me. “Captain?”

“I am never stepping foot on Delta Vega again.”

****

The chime for my quarters rang.

“Enter.”

Uhura stepped inside holding a brown package in her arms.

I smiled. “Lieutenant?”

“Here. I made this for you.” She shoved it toward me.

With a quirk of my eyebrow that didn’t quite match Spock’s, I tore off the brown paper. I was holding a snow white fluffy scarf. I stared at it startled. “Wait. This isn’t—”

“Made out of the bunny?” She rolled her eyes. “Synthetic, Captain. First of all the bunny got left on Delta Vega, remember?”

I grinned. “I was afraid it would be like tribbles and we’d have rabbits everywhere.”  I wrapped the scarf around my neck. “You did this fast.”

“It’s fairly uncomplicated.” She smiled. “I figured you needed something to remember Delta Vega by.”

“Thank you…Nyota. But I doubt I’ll ever forget that place.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” She turned to leave. “Spock’s coming over, right?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled again. “Have a good evening.”

I shook my head and pulled off the scarf and tucked it away in a drawer just as my door chimed again.

“Come in.”

Spock stepped inside.

“Right on time as usual, Mr. Spock.”

Spock nodded. “I see you have already set up the chess board.”

“Yeah. I’m getting coffee. Want anything?” I asked as I approached the replicator.

“Negative.”

I obtained my coffee and then sat across from him at the chess board. After moving my first piece, I asked the question that had been on my mind since being on Delta Vega with Uhura.

”You and Uhura broke up?”

“That is correct.”

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

“It did not occur to me.”

“Oh.” I squashed the disappointment I felt before it was allowed to form. Just friends.

“And I believed you knew.”

I snorted at that. “The captain’s the last to know everything, Spock. But it’s fine. I just thought as friends, you would tell me.”

“I did not mean to keep the information from you.”

“It’s fine, Spock. Were you really upset about the breakup?”

“No, it was a decision that should have been made before.”

When Spock didn’t elaborate, I nodded. “Okay.”

Spock seemed uncertain. “It was not my intention to upset you.”

“I’m not upset.”

“I was unaware you were that invested in our relationship.”

I laughed at that. “I’m not invested in your relationship with Uhura, I’m invested in us.”

Spock stared at me then and I realized what I’d said and that I needed to correct my mistake fast.

“I mean our friendship.”

But given the way Spock continued to stare at me, I was less than convincing.

“Captain,” Spock said slowly. “I am capable of beating you at chess 98.6% of the time. You are hardly a challenge for me.”

I frowned. “Well, sorry, Spock, but you’re the one who keeps on offering to play chess.”

“Exactly.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I wish to spend time with you. Since we both played chess it seemed the easiest way to do so.”

“Wait, does that mean—”

“I am invested in us also.”

I grinned and stood up and went around the other side of the table. Spock had risen too. I grabbed his head and squashed our lips together, in not the most elegant of kisses, but who the fuck cared.

“So,” I said against his lips. “All this time, chess was foreplay?”

Spock’s eyes softened and the corners of his lips turned up. “Indeed. Perhaps now would be the time to participate in sexual congress.”

“Oh. Fuck. Me.”

He arched a brow. “If you insist.”   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the close of collection 2 of one-shots. Will there be a 3? I don't know right now, thanks for reading.


	48. It's Regulations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a Klingon battle, Dr. McCoy learns some new information about his friends, Kirk and Spock.

God, he was tired and needed a good hot shower. And not one of those stupid sonic showers, but a real one with real steamy hot water shooting directly over his aching muscles. He had no time for that, of course. He had patients to check on. And then, probably, he‘d just fall into bed in a heap and pray sleep would swallow him under for an hour or two before he got up and did it again.

The recent battle with the Klingons had taken a toll on the ship and most definitely the crew. Every biobed in the medbay had been taken up by an injured crew member. And then of course there was his most important patient. Also the one who proved to be the biggest pain in the ass. Time and time again.

Leonard got himself a cup of strong, black coffee and managed a couple of swallows before he headed out of his office to check up on the injured. He stopped short when he saw Spock hovering by Jim’s bed. He supposed he shouldn’t be all that surprised. After all, Spock had hovered over their captain after the Khan incident. Leonard suspected Spock’s feelings for Jim went beyond friendship. Not that he expected the hobgoblin to admit to such things.

He made his way closer, but Spock didn’t seem to notice because as Leonard watched, Spock reached for Jim’s hand. It was then Leonard realized, Jim was awake.

“Hey,” Jim whispered. “You’re okay?”

“I was uninjured.”

Jim’s eyes closed briefly, then opened and focused on Spock again. “Who else was injured? How many?”

“Jim, you should rest and not think about that right now.”

“Spock.”

“Ensign Chekov was injured but is expected to make a full recovery. Only the two of you from the bridge received injuries requiring treatment. There were injuries from deck six and seven as well.” Spock paused. “Fifty one fatalities.”

“Fuck,” Jim said softly.

“There was nothing you could do to prevent them, Ashaya.”

Leonard frowned at the Vulcan word, wondering at the meaning of it.

“I know,” Jim said.

“You must rest.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Jim. It is you who are injured. You must rest.”

Jim nodded. “I will. And the ship?”

“Repairs are being done as we speak by Mr. Scott.”

“I can’t believe last night we…and now this.”

“We will have time, Jim. Dr. McCoy has assured me you will be out of the medbay in a day or two. He is not very precise in his assessment.”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed, then moaned a little.

Spock stiffened. “You are in pain?”

“No, not really. A little discomfort is all. Do you have to go back?”

“I am needed on the bridge due to the captain being out of commission at present.”

Jim laughed softly. “Yeah, damn him.”

“Do not speak crossly regarding the captain. I am quite fond of him.”

Leonard was stunned to hear amusement and affection in Spock’s voice.  _Spock and Jim_?  _Really_?

“You’ll come back later?” Jim asked, hopefully.

“As soon as I am able.”

Leonard couldn’t stop himself from coming into their conversation any longer. He approached the biobed. He eyed their clasped hands. “Well, well, what have we here?”

“Bones.” Jim smiled.

“How are you feeling, kid?”

“Like I got knocked on my ass during an attack.”

Leonard nodded. “You’ll be good as new in no time.” He stared pointedly at their hands. “Something you two want to tell me about?”

Spock raised a brow. “I am offering comfort to the captain.”

“Comfort is it?”

“Bones.”

“What? You know you gotta tell me if you two are shacking up.”

“Why is that, doctor?”

“Regulations.”

“You intend to quote Starfleet regulations to me?” Spock asked.

“Not Starfleet Regulations,” Leonard said.

“I do not understand, doctor.”

“Obviously. I’m talking about Friend Regulations.”

“Friend Regulations?”

“Uh-huh, those regulations where it says if your two best friends decide they love each other they’re supposed to tell you.”

Spock glanced at Jim, who smiled. “I was unaware of this requirement.”

“Well, now you do know.”

“Bones, Spock and I kind of sort of got together last night.”

“Just last night?”

“Yeah,” Jim said.

“Took you long enough. I expected you two idiots to realize it weeks ago,” Leonard muttered. “You.” He pointed to Spock. “Out. He needs his rest.” He pointed to Jim. “You rest. You can tell me all about your love declarations later. Not in too much detail either.”

Spock bowed. “As you wish, doctor.” He squeezed Jim’s hand. “Rest, Ashaya. I will return later.”

When Spock left, Leonard turned to Jim. “What the hell does that mean, anyway?”

“Love, beloved, that sort of thing.” Jim grinned. “I think it’s his way of calling me sweetheart.”

“Oh. My. God. The hobgoblin calling you sweetheart.” Leonard rolled his eyes. “Go to sleep, Jim. And that’s an order.”

“Okay, Bones.” Jim closed his eyes.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A movement of the story only


	49. All Sidekicks Are Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100 word drabble
> 
> Kirk and Spock discuss the relevance of sidekicks.

“What are you reading?” Spock asked as Jim lay in bed reading a hardback book.

“A Sherlock Holmes story. You know they were together.” Jim waggled his eyebrows.

“Who?”

“Holmes and Watson. I’m sure they were a couple.”

Spock arched a brow as he sat on the bed. He leaned forward to stroke his t’hy’la’s hair off his forehead. “Why?”

“Watson’s his sidekick. Just like you’re mine.” Jim grinned.

“All sidekicks are the lovers of the protagonist?”

“Of course. “

“I was unaware I was a sidekick.”

“You so are.” Jim's eyes twinkled.

 Spock removed the book and kissed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moved to the collection


End file.
